How I Met Jane Eyre
by Kimberly Joan Amethyst
Summary: When his children come home for Christmas, they are interested to know the full story of how he met their mother. Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING, apart from my own characters. Please R&R and enjoy. Oh, and feedback and help with more chapters would be most helpful. Thank you.
1. Chapter 1

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

Chapter 1 – My Children

I was in the study, looking out the window at the softly falling snow as best I could out of my one good eye and twining my fingers around the stump where my left hand used to be. My two children, Eddie, who was eighteen and was at college, and Janet, who was in her final year at school, were both coming home for Christmas. Janet had written to me and her mother two weeks prior to tell us that they had written to each other, and said that they would meet each other in Millcote before coming home to us at Ferndean.

As I waited for my children to come home, I thought of all the good that had befallen me ever since the day I me their mother. My hope, my light, my love, my angel, my reason for living, my –

Just then, a knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts. I jumped slightly before I turned around and called, "Enter!"

The door opened and in came Mary, one of the few servants I had allowed to stay on with me after my old house, Thornfield, was destroyed. "What is it, Mary?" I asked of her.

"I've just come to inform you, sir, that John's just come back with the carriage," she said. "Your children have returned for the holidays."

I allowed my smile to broaden ever so slightly, before I told her, "Good. Tell them to come straight here and shut the door on your way out. Thank you, Mary." She curtsied and thus left me, shutting the door softly as she left.

I moved over to the fire and turned my back to it, waiting for the sound of my children's footsteps to approach. I wasn't kept long waiting, for not a minute later, I heard soft footsteps running, but stopped just short of the door as three soft raps occurred on the door. I could hardly refrain from keeping the grin on my face as I said, "Come in!" The door opened, and in bounded Janet, who glanced around with a smile on her face, and when she saw me, it grew even wider, with light shining from her eyes in pure happiness (so like her mother's), before she yelled "Papa!" and ran towards me, throwing her arms around me. My smile grew wider as she ran, and when she threw her arms around my neck, she took the wind out of me slightly, and I stumbled backwards a little, but I quickly regained my footing and embraced her tightly. As she stepped out of my arms, she stepped aside so I could see my son, who greeted me with a big grin and stepped into my arms quickly after his sister had left them.

"Hello, Papa," he greeted me warmly, as we embraced.

"Eddie," I simply said, patting him on the back a few times before letting him out of my arms. The boy resembled me greatly, from the shock of black as pitch hair, to the same square forehead, to the same large, brilliant black eyes (as their mother calls them). We were even the same height as each other.

Janet, on the other hand, resembled her mother, although she was slightly taller than her and a bit more rounded around the middle than when we first met each other. She had the same beautiful, long hazelnut hair and the same radiant hazel eyes (I know that they're green, but sometimes when they hit the light just so, they become new died to me).

Before I press on, I have to say that both their mother and I are extremely proud of our children. We have raised them well and have given them the same amount of love and kindness that we can bestow upon them, which is more than I can say from where me and their mother are standing; for when we were young, our childhoods' were not happy ones, to tell you the truth. We never shut them out, or made them feel like they were unwanted or unloved. Their mother has been a great mother to them, teaching them well before they were old enough to go to school. We have both taught Eddie and Janet to respect and treat others equally, no matter what a person's background is, nor where they stand in society.

When Eddie was seated next to his sister on the sofa by the fire, I asked them both how school and college was going for them, which they replied they were both doing well in. Janet was becoming a profound scholar, and was doing extremely well in her artwork; whereas Eddie was doing well in his medical studies. Me and Eddie had talked about what he would like to study after he left school, and he always said that he would like to help those who were in desperate need of medical attention as best he could. I told him that the work would be hard, but he said that he didn't mind, because he knew that it would be worth it in the end, even though he knew that he couldn't keep every soul on Earth forever, he would do the best job he could. (To be honest, I was worried that he would join the church, for his mother is deeply religious, whereas I am not so much. I have changed a bit, don't get me wrong, but, well, we all know what they say about old habits?) I was extremely proud of him, as was his mother when I told her that very night. Indeed, she told him so the next morning over breakfast, and we have never gone back on those words since.

As I stood remembering this, I slowly became aware that there was a buzz of excitement issuing between my children. As I looked at them out of the corner of my good eye, my suspicions were confirmed, for I saw them muttering and shifting their eyes in my direction every so often. After a few more minutes of this, I let my curiosity take hold of me, and yelled, "All right, you two! Enough of this, now!" They both jumped in their seats at this and looked at me as thought they were seeing me properly for the first time.

"W-what do you mean, Father?" Janet asked me in a false innocent voice with a smile to match, as Eddie carefully avoided my eyes, whilst shuffling his feet nervously. I smiled grimly at the pair of them and gave a slight chuckle. They should both know by now that they could not pull the wool over my eyes.

"Don't give me that, Janet!" I barked at her, as the previous thought went through my mind. To my satisfaction, I saw my children flinch slightly and looked at me through anxious eyes. "You should both know by now that nothing gets past your father's eyes that easily."

Yet again, they both looked apologetic at me, mixed in with apologetic glances. When I saw this , I was inwardly apologetic towards them, but I knew that I would have to keep up this façade just a little while longer, like I had done when I first proposed to their mother, which we will cover much later on.

After a few more minutes of anxious glances between Eddie and Janet – not to mention, a fair amount of tension buzzing in the air – I saw Janet breathe a deep anxious sigh before she said, "We're sorry, Father. We didn't mean any harm by it." I felt pride in my heart as she said this, for she reminded me of her mother; for I felt and heard honesty as she said this. Some sort of softness must have shown on my face as this was going through me, for she continued with obvious relief and slightly more confidence, "It's just that when we were coming home, me and Eddie were wanting to ask you something …" she then hesitated and shared a few more anxious glances with her brother, as though they were both scared as to how I would react. My curiosity was further spiked by this point, so I said slowly, "Go on …" Janet gulped and said, "Well … we – meaning Eddie and I - would like to ask you to …" she took a hasty breath "… to …"

I was getting rather impatient by this point, so I said, "For God's sake, Janet, just spit it out!"

She and Eddie both jumped again at my outburst, before she sighed and said, "We want to know how you met Mama."

I inwardly sighed a sigh of relief as I chuckled. This was what she was worried about? I looked at her and Eddie gently, relieved that all the anxiety was now gone from their faces, and I could see that they were equally relieved that I was not glaring at them anymore, as I said, "My dears, I have already told you countless times as to how I met her. After all, didn't I say that that I thought that she was an elf of some kind the day she –"

"Papa," Eddie interrupted, and we looked at each other in surprise. It was the first time that he had spoken to me since we had talked about his medical studies. I gave him a look of full surprise as he glanced at me nervously, before he turned to his sister for encouragement, who thus nodded and smiled at him gently as a way to go on, before he turned his attention back to me. I nodded at him to continue after a few moments. He smiled weakly before saying, "It's just that … well … we know the story of the horse well, but surely there must be more before that meeting, and –" something must have shown in my face, for he paused and bent his head. Truth be told, I was nervous, for I knew where this was heading. I knew that _she_ and all my other troubles with women would come up before I met my angel, but I still wasn't sure about whether I should tell them of what happened fifteen years before I met their mother. I know they deserved to know the truth, but I was worried about what they'd think of me. After all, I am their father, and I knew that I owed them the truth (for they are old enough now to know), but I didn't want them to know about all my past experiences with women. Besides that, I was also concerned that they would think differently of me if I did. As I was deliberating what I should do in my head, an angel, in the shape of my daughter approached me cautiously. I looked at her with some apprehension before I gave her a chance to speak.

Once again, she sighed deeply before she said, "Papa, we know you don't want us to know about all of your past before you met Mama, and we understand that you're ashamed about some of the stuff you did –" it was amazed me how much understanding she had, young as she was, another quality she had gained from her mother " – but just try and leave out the rather – how should I put this? – _explicit _details, then we'll be fine with that. We just want to know the full story that led to that horse falling incident and beyond –"

"Wait a minute," I interrupted suddenly. "I never told you what happened beyond that fatal moment between me and your mother?" As my daughter and son both shook their heads, I was surprised, for I thought I had told them everything. But then I remembered that Janet wasn't finished yet. "Sorry, Janet," I said to her. "Please continue."

Janet smiled at me sympathetically, and touched my arm as such too, before she said, "We just want you to be honest with us, Father. After all, you're the one who's always telling us not to keep secrets from one another. And besides, you're our _father_. We know you've made mistakes, but you're better now than you were back then, and we'll still love you, no matter what the truth is. So please, Papa? Please will you tell us?" she finished with a pleading look in her eyes.

As I looked from her to Eddie, I realized that my daughter was right. I did owe my children the truth. So I sighed deeply before I nodded and said, "You're right, Janet. I do owe you and your brother the truth." Janet then shot me a smile full of warmth, love and gratitude which shone from her eyes, before she turned and sat back down by her brother.

I gave another sigh before I sat across from them in my chair. I gazed at both of them, worried and anxious about what they were going to say as I told them my story, but to my immense relief at that moment, they were both looking at me patiently, as if they were willing for me to start, but also with the knowledge that this was going to be difficult for me to tell them this; and I was once again grateful to their mother for gifting them with patience and understanding of others.

Using this to guide me, I took one more deep breath before taking the plunge. I opened my good eye and said, "My dear children, this is a long story which features love, friendship, a _lot_ of pain and redemption. Along the way I will tell you about people you've never met (some of whom you'll thank God that you haven't, others you will be disappointed you never did), and of people you have met already. For this, my dears, is the true story of how I met your mother."


	2. Chapter 2

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

Chapter 2 – Bertha

"My story starts, my dears," I told my children, "fifteen years before I even met your mother, by telling you about the first woman I was ever with: Bertha Antoinetta Mason, a Creole, from Spanish Town, Jamaica."

"How did you meet her, Papa?" Janet asked.

"Well, my dear, I will tell you. You see my father, who favoured my older brother, Rowland, above me, was going to leave him with everything; but he didn't want a son left with nothing. So once I left college and came home, he told me that he had made arrangements with a Mr Mason, who was an old acquaintance of his (and of mine through his son, Richard, who I had known since his younger days), who owned a plantation in the West Indies. He also had a daughter, who Mason was willing to give thirty thousand pounds if she married me (I was left in the dark about the money; for all I was told was that I was to go to Jamaica to court a Miss Mason, to see if she would steady me a bit, for I was a little bit "wild" in my younger days). Anyway, my father agreed to this arrangement, and I was sent to Jamaica. And as I wanted to do whatever I could to please my father, I agreed to go."

"Why did your father value your brother more than you, Papa?" my son then asked of me.

I looked at him steadily for a few moments, before I answered, "Because, my dear boy, Rowland was always the handsome one out of the two of us and was the spitting image of my father, in appearance as well as mind. For you see, they shared the same interests, such as hunting and some other rather violent means of entertainment, whereas I was always a gentle soul, like my mother, who were interested in nature, books and poetry. I was very close to my mother when I was a young boy. You would have liked her," I said, smiling at my children. "I believe she would have fawned over you."

"Do you think she would have liked Mama?" Janet piqued up.

I chuckled before I said, "I believe that she would have _loved _your Mama, Janet. If only she was here to see you now; she would have been very proud of you, I'm sure … but she died when I was eight; and as much as I tried to be close to my father – both before and after my mother's death – he always pushed me away, always putting Rowland before myself.

"I had a very lonely childhood, I'm afraid. I mostly kept to myself, keeping my head down and studying hard, but making a few acquaintances and _some_ close friendships along the way; one of whom is Mr Eshton, who you both know of and who I have known since my schooldays, has been one of the truest friends I have had. Oh, the stories I could tell you … but we're getting off topic. Unlike Rowland, I studied hard, just in case I needed to make my own way in the business world, which now leads me right back into the main story.

"I knew nothing of Miss Mason before I saw her after a few months' journeying across the sea. The only thing I really knew about her was that she was called by her circle, the "Beauty of Spanish Town", which was no lie: I found her to be in the style of an old acquaintance of mine, Blanche Ingram (who I am glad you haven't met – and I pray to God you never meet her – for she's not worth the trouble.), but I'll get to her later on. Miss Mason was tall, dark and majestic. Not only was it from pressures from her family, but also because I knew of my desires of that type of woman – choosing to ignore the fact that true beauty is found within; a lesson I never really learnt until I met your mother, and also a lesson I hope that you will both remember – I began to court her."

"What?!" my children yelled indignantly.

"Forgive what I say, my dears, for it is true. You see, her family wanted me to be a part of them through the bondage of marriage with Bertha, because I was of good race, and so was she. I hardly ever saw her alone and had very little conversation with her, which was really because I was blown away by her beauty, falling head-over-heels for her because of it, and there was also the fact that she charmed and flattered me, displaying her charms and accomplishments for me rather lavishly,; add to that that she was finely dressed whenever I saw her at parties, and I was pretty much presented with the full package (I say _almost_, for I should have been suspicious of why this was; but being young and innocent to such things at the time, I didn't have any doubts, I'm ashamed to say now, when I should have had them. Once again, my children, I say, forgive me.).

"Anyway," I continued after a few moments, "all the men in her circle wanted to be with her, and wanted to be me because I was with her. I was, as you two have both probably guessed by now, dazzled and stimulated by her. My senses were excited in ways in which they had never been before; and because I was raw, inexperienced and a rather ignorant blockhead, I actually thought that I loved her."

"Oh, Papa," Janet said, looking at me with pity in her eyes.

"Did you tell her you loved her?" Eddie asked cautiously.

I nodded my head a few times solemnly, before I said, "Yes, son, I did. I was _that_ infatuated with her that I told her that amongst other such helplessly romantic and dewy things time and time again – making quite a fool of myself, I'm sure, looking back on those days now – without a care in the world. I was blinded, to say the least; blinded by my own foolish thoughts and ideas of what I _thought_ love was, because of how youthful in was. I dashed forwardly to her side whenever I saw another man approach her; not only because I wanted to spend all my time by her side, but also because her relatives encouraged me to do so …"

"Papa?" said Janet slowly. I looked at her and saw that she was trembling, afraid of what she was going to ask me next. I knew what she was going to ask, and understood her nervousness and her terror; so I nodded my head gently, allowing her to go on. She gulped before she said, "Y-you didn't –" she paused, took a breath and said, "_marry_ her, did you?"

"I'm afraid to say, Janet dear, that your mother is the _second _woman that I married, not the first." I paused for a few moments, allowing my children, who were shocked at this news, absorb it all in, before I continued: "Yes, I married Miss Mason before I even knew where I was. I regret that action highly now, you know. I have no respect for myself when I think back to those days. If I knew then what I know now – well, let's just say that I would have taken my life down a very different track than the one I travelled down before I met your mother."

"What happened next, Papa?" Janet asked. "And why do you speak with such regretful tones?"

"Janet. Eddie. What I have to say next will shock you beyond belief. Do you still wish to know?" I waited with baited breath, as my children thought about it and then slowly nodded their heads. I sighed in acquisisance, before I said, "All right, then. So, my bride's mother I had never met. At the time I thought that this was because I believed that she was dead. I was mistaken, in fact, because she was in fact mad. Utterly insane. Locked up in an asylum. There was a younger brother, too who was a dumb idiot. The elder brother, Richard (who will come up again much later on in this story) showed care and interest in his sister – who went down the same path as her mother, which I will get to – until – well, we'll get to that event. My father and brother knew of the story about Bertha's mother, but resolved to keep it against me, for they were only interested in the money, and were joined together in the cruel plot against me.

"Anyway – before I learnt all that – it was a day and a half after I was married that I went looking for Bertha, for she had wandered off somewhere and I wanted to just be with her, in order to get to know her better; except that when I found her, I realised right then just what sort of wife I had been tricked into; for I found her in the arms of another man, and was clearly enjoying herself. When she saw me, I expected her to jump out of the man's arms, shocked that I had found her in such a way, and would beg my forgiveness. Instead, she looked at me and _laughed_, with a look of such pure hatred in her eyes; hatred that in later years I began to grow accustomed to. I was willing to overlook this shocking news at first and try to go on with my married life with Bertha as normally as I possibly could; but as I was soon to find out, _normal_ with Bertha was not going to be possible …"

"My children," I continued after a few moments, "this is the reason why me and your mother want you to find love in your own time, and why we have not forced you into a marriage; for I – and nor does your mother – want you to end up in the same sort of life as me. So be wary, my dears, when it comes to love. Janet, you make sure that the man you're with doesn't do anything to harm you," I said, looking at my daughter. She nodded fitfully before I turned my attentions to her brother: "And you, Eddie, be sure you get to know the woman that you're with, for I'm sure you don't want to be in the same spot I was, do you, son?"

"N-no, Father, I do not."

"Good," I smiled at both my children, before I got serious once again and said, and now that that's out of the way, I can now continue my tale."


	3. Chapter 3

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

Chapter 3 – The Next Four Years with Bertha

"And so, my dears, my life with Bertha had begun. I tried my best to put that horrid memory behind me," I said, "but as I lay in her arms most nights (for more often than not I spent them without her, but more on that in a little while), I still remembered the man that she was with, what he was doing with her body, and above all else, the thing that bothered me most was the way she looked at me when she saw me looking at her, with those hating, maddening, evil eyes. I tried to live as normally as I could with her as I have already said, tried to be her husband, but I could not please her, for she said as much with her eyes whenever she looked at me and my body. And it was only then that I knew that I had lost her, for she wanted to be with the forms of other men, who were tall, strong, muscular and _handsome_, unlike me. After that, I was left alone at nights, sighing at the cruel trickery my father and brother played on me. I hated them for it, cursed them into leading me into that, for they were the ones to blame, not Bertha. But whilst I lay in bed with all these angry thoughts swirling around in my head, someone would call on me in my room almost every night of the week at some late hour to ask me to bring my wife back here. I had no idea of what she was doing, but when I found out, I was mortified; for she was spending her time with the lowest company: drinking, taking drugs and other such despicable things, which shocked me more than I let on, for I never thought she would stoop that low.

"It wasn't just these things that told me that she was lost to me, oh no, for whenever I spent time with her, trying to draw her into a conversation, I could not do so; for I found her nature different to mine – her tastes not at all to my liking, her mind common, low, narrow and singularly incapable of being led to anything higher, expanded to anything larger. I could not pass a single evening, let alone an hour in her presence, for no comfort found me. Tried as I did to make friendly conversation with her, no matter what the topic was, she would immediately turn on me, which proceeded in a rather violent outbreak, involving more physical force than words, although she did manage to slip some of those in, too, in the shape of threats. There was never a quiet or peaceful household when she lived there. No servant could continue to bear the continual outbreaks of her violent, unreasonable temper, or the vexations of her absurd, contradictory, exacting demands. Even I kept myself from her when I could, and suffered in silence. I am a proud man, you know, and I was not going to get pity from those in society, who I knew already looked at me with disdain for marrying such a woman.

"My dears," I then spoke softly to my children, "I will not trouble you with such abominable details, for some strong words will be sufficient to what I have to divulge with you. For four long, tiresome years, I lived with her, and in that time much had changed. I had not only tired with Bertha, who during that time had worsened, for her temper ripened and her vices sprang up, violent and unchaste. Only cruelty could check her – but don't fret, my dears," I spoke quickly, seeing how frightened and wearily they looked at me after I said "cruelty", "for I never used cruelty with her, not once.

"Anyway, as I was saying, much had changed for me, for my brother died and my father followed him not long afterwards, which left me with everything my family owned. And speaking of my father, he and my brother never told anyone of my marriage to Bertha, for as much as he wanted the money, he was just as worried as I was to keep her a secret, which I told him about in a letter, after I had been married to her a couple of weeks. I'll get back to this point later, but back to where I was. I was rich enough, and yet I was technically poor, for I was stuck in a (to my eyes, at least) _sham_ marriage; and yet the law and society saw me and Bertha as married."

"Was there anything you could do to rid yourself of it, Papa?" Janet asked.

"I'm afraid not, my daughter, for the doctors discovered that she was mad, a madness which eventually developed into insanity. After that, I approached the gulf of despair. To the world, it seemed that I was covered with a grimy dishonour, but I kept my head high and made a resolution to keep myself clean. I wrenched myself from the connexion she had with her mental defects, and tried to keep myself to myself, but society still saw us as married; no matter where I went, a remembrance of her putrid breath was mixed with the cleanliness of my own. I had once been her husband, but at the end of four years, I realised that I never was, nor ever could be that to her. While she lived, I could not be free to find a better wife (which I eventually _did_ find, and have kept, as you two well know), as much as I wanted to do so. Bertha was also five years my senior (another thing which both my family and hers had kept from me until after we were married I found out by accidentally overhearing a conversation between her brother and father), and thus, I knew that she was going to live for as long as I was. And so, by the time I was at the age of six-and-twenty, I was completely helpless.

"She had been shut up since the medical men pronounced her as mad, which only made her frequent outbreaks even worse, which even I could understand (after all, who _would_ want to be shut up all the time, mad or not?); but there was nothing else we could do, for who knows what damage she would have done if she was set free. Anyway, it was during one of her yells that I woke one fiery West Indian night. Not only was she keeping me awake, but also the storm outside was so loud that further sleep was not possible. I went to the window and opened it. I still remember how the air was like sulphur-streams; how mosquitoes buzzed in and hummed sullenly around the room; how the sea rumbled like a dull earth-quake; and how dark, black and threatening the clouds setting over it looked like, as the moon was setting in the sky, with a fiery red light shining from it like a cannon ball. There was no comfort to be found, even though I was physically influenced by the storm – which somehow mirrored my own inner feelings – by the harsh display of the weather that Mother Nature was performing in front of me; as my ears were filled by a different, more horrid sound, in the voice of the mad woman, whose curses the maniac still shrieked out, in which she mentioned my name with such a tone of demon-hate, with such language and vocabulary I had never heard before then in my life, and have never heard since, thankfully. We were no further apart than two rooms, and as loud as the wind roared, and as hard as the sea crashed against the hard rocks, I still heard her.

"At long last, I finally admitted to myself that I was living in hell. I had suffered enough, as far as I could see, and wanted to end my life; to be sent up to God and end my sufferings for ever. As I knelt on the ground, I sent a prayer up to God and unlocked a trunk which contained a brace of loaded pistols, for I meant to shoot myself, end my life, and enter the realm of eternal peace."

"Papa!" Janet cried in shock.

"Suicide!" Eddie said, as shocked as his sister was, and paling in the process.

"Yes, my children, I am not proud of what I _almost _did, for just as I was about to pull the trigger, a fresh wind from Europe blew over the ocean and rushed through the open casement, ceasing the storm and making the air grow pure. It was then, as I stood up, that an idea started to form in my mind as I walked under the dripping orange-trees of my wet garden, and amongst the fine smells of the fruits in which the garden beheld, Wisdom found me and made me hear reason in that lonely hour.

"The fresh wind from Europe seemed to seep into my soul at that moment. My heart swelled with joy, my blood pumped viciously through my veins, my being longed for renewal and my soul thirsted for something purer. From the bottom of the garden I saw the sea, far bluer than the sky itself, showing me the world beyond and broadening my horizons as Hope spoke to me, saying that I should go and live again in Europe where no one knew that I was married to her. I could leave her at Thornfield, where I could hire people to care for her in my absence, for I had cared for her the best that I could have as her _husband_. Her connexion and identity could be hidden safely with me and a couple of others who truly knew the nature of why she was there (the servants were told that there was a patient who was being cared for in the attic, and that no one should go up there; for I told them that I had found her on my travels, that she was mad and that I took pity on her.), so I could place her in comfort and protection, whilst providing her with shelter and secrecy from the harm the outside world would give her, whilst I was free to do as I pleased.

"I acted on this as soon as I could. I conveyed her to England, terrified of the voyage I underwent with my charge for fear of what she could have done; for I did not breathe properly until we returned to Thornfield (my father left no will, so everything was left in my possession, the house in particular), let alone England. Once we got back to my old home, I was glad to keep her upstairs in the third-story room, where for ten years she transformed it from a room to a goblin's den. I had some trouble finding an attendant for her, for not only did I refuse to send her to a mad house where the inmates are caged and baited like beasts – which I saved her from – but she needed a carer desperately; for she would have gone anywhere and done a matter of horrible, terrible things to my staff if she was left alone. Besides, her ravings would have revealed my secret; some of them lasted days – sometimes even weeks – in which she furtively flung abuse at me. I finally found an attendant in the form of a Mrs Grace Poole from the Grimsby Retreat (who now lives with her son in peace, which she has needed after so many years of loyal service, despite the fact that she had a particular liking to gin) ; and I also found a surgeon, Carter, another of my closest friends, who has helped my family out a lot over the years.

"Do you disapprove of my decision-making, my children?" I said, looking at the displeased expression on their faces. "Come, tell me what you think. After all, I may bark, but I certainly do not bite," I joked.

Janet, as always, was the first one to speak: "Well, I do not approve of you thinking that you were a free man, or of you going to do whatever you pleased; but I do understand why you did what you did, Father."

"I feel the same way, Father," said Eddie, who had a little bit of colour back in his cheeks now. "It might not have been the right way to think as you did, but at least you gave Bertha some safety."

"Thank you, my dears," I said, as the clock then struck eleven. "And I think it's time that we all went to bed; for I'm sure the pair of you are tired and wish to get into your own beds after being so far from home for so long."

"But, Papa –" Janet was about to argue, but a small yawn just escaped her mouth. I smiled a satisfied smile, as me and my children embraced each other. Janet then got a candle and we made our way out of the room.

"Don't worry, I'll tell you the rest of the story after breakfast tomorrow," I said, as we made our way for the stairs.

"Where's Mama, Papa?" Eddie asked, as he placed his foot on the first step. "I haven't seen her at all today."

"Oh, she said that she's just feeling a little under the weather today. Nothing to worry about, I assure you, but she said that she needed her rest. You'll see her at breakfast, I'm sure," I said, as we parted ways at the top of the stairs for the night.


	4. Chapter 4

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey guys, K.J.A. here. Just to let you know, I forgot to add on my last chapter, that from chapter's two and three, I added excerpts from chapter twenty-seven, because on here, I can do so. In this chapter I will be using excerpts from chapters twenty-seven, eighteen and sixteen from **_**Jane Eyre**_**, just so you know. Oh, sorry if chapter three was a bit of a flop, but I was having real trouble with writing it, but I hope you think that it's a good chapter, anyway. And now, on with chapter four.**

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Chapter 4 – Blanche

"So what happened next, Papa?" Janet asked the second we had all resumed our places from the night before.

We had just finished a rather long and enjoyable breakfast. My children were joined by their mother today, who was better as I predicted, and to be honest, I do not know who looked happier to see the other between my wife and my children. We commented on how well she looked, and she gratified us with a smile, before she started asking about how school and college was going for the pair of them. Janet and Eddie gave their answers as best they could, but me and their mother knew that their minds were elsewhere. I knew what they were thinking about, of course, but I wished to prolong the story for as long as possible, despite Janet's frequent looks to me, her eyes demanding me to hurry up (for me and their mother had agreed that no one was to leave the table until we had all finished eating). Their mother kept on looking from Eddie (who was deliberately avoiding everyone's eyes), to Janet (who was fidgeting in her chair), and to me (who was looking at her with a half-amused, half-innocent smile), and kept repeating the cycle; demanding us to tell her with those clear, vibrant, intelligent eyes of hers that I loved so well; but me and my children told her nothing. As soon as we had all finished (Janet could not get out of her chair fast enough), Jane said that she was going into town and then would be working in her study, so we wouldn't see her until supper; so after we had bid her farewell – and I had told Mary that lunch for me and my children was to be held in my study – me and my children headed to my study.

"Hmm?" I said, looking at her with a questioning look, for she had startled me out of my thoughts.

"After you brought Bertha back to Thornfield, I mean," she elaborated.

"Oh," I cottoned on. ""Well, after that, I have to admit that I transformed myself into a will-o'-the-wisp as soon as I made sure that Bertha was safe, for I travelled to the Continent, to find the one thing I did not have, but what I most desperately wanted more than anything: for it was then that I began to search for the one thing I desired above all else, which was to seek and find a good and intelligent woman whom I could love –"

"But you couldn't marry anyone whilst you were married to Bertha, Papa," said Eddie.

"I believed that I could and ought, and was determined and consistent in my beliefs. I began to travel all over the world, but more often than not I ended up in Paris, sometimes in St Petersburg, and occasionally in Rome, Naples and Florence, more than any other places on the planet. I'm afraid, my dears, that I must tell you that it was not long before I began to feel disappointed in my search –"

"Wasn't there a face that pleased you, Papa?" Eddie interrupted.

"Oh yes, my son. There was many a face, sometimes a voice, that caught my fancy, but I would always find myself disappointed, and so, I moved on. I began to get reckless in not finding _"the One"_."

"What types of women did you go for, Papa?" Janet asked nervously.

"Oh, all sorts of women, Janet: from English ladies to French Countesses, and from Italian signoras to German grafinnen. I did not long for perfection in either the body or mind. No, the only thing I desired was for what suited me, which was the antipodes of the Creole. I then did something I am not proud of (even back then, I did not like it): I began to try dissipation –"

"_What?!"_ my children cried, looks of shock-horror on their faces.

"Yes, it's true. I never tried debauchery – not once – which was Bertha's attribute, which I hated and hate. Rooted disgust at it and her restrained me much, even in pleasure. Any enjoyment that boarded on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices, and I eschewed it, which I almost did for ten long years – but, I am getting ahead of myself here.

"Anyway, after almost a year-and-a-half spent overseas, being with women of all kinds: from waitresses and actresses, and even – dare I say it – prostitutes –"

"Prostitutes!" my children cried out again indignantly.

"Yes, another decision which I highly regret. Anyway, I was called back home on business, and as I travelled back, I ran into Eshton in London. He had become a family man a few years previously. He had three daughters, who were ten at the time. Back to the point, though; he told me that he had not seen Thornfield in a long time and that I should hold a Christmas ball and party there. At first, I was a little apprehensive (for what if he or anyone else found out about Bertha?); but after some persuading from Eshton, and for the fact that I really did not want to spend Christmas Day alone with no one but my servants – as well as _her_ – for company, I accepted. I told Eshton to send the invites to his friends to come, and that they should all pack a bag for a one nights' stay. He was a little disappointed at this, but he understood that I wasn't going to be pushed on this matter. And so, the next day we departed.

"As soon as I got back to Thornfield, I told Mrs Fairfax – the old housekeeper at the time – that I was holding a Christmas ball and party on Christmas Day and that guests were coming. Eshton told me about his friends who would be attending with him through a letter: Colonel Dent and Mrs Dent, Lord and Lady Lynn; and then there was the Dowager Lady Ingram, her son, Lord Ingram and her two daughters, Mary and Blanche Ingram, the latter considered to be the Belle of the County, which was no lie.

"By the time my guests arrived, my servants had done a splendid job of making the drawing and dining rooms look festive for Christmas – for seeing as these were the only rooms we were using, it seemed foolish to decorate the rest of the house – for it was brilliantly decorated.

"And so they came. The ladies were splendidly dressed, of course, but Blanche outshined them all."

"What did she look like when you saw her that day, Papa?" Janet asked, not out of excitement for what she wore, but just out of mere curiosity.

"Well, she was tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck; olive complexion, dark and clear; noble features; eyes rather like mine, large and black, and as brilliant as jewels. Her hair was fine, plaited delicately, with the finest mass of jetty curls coming down the sides of her face that I have ever seen – please don't tell your mother that – which was raven-black, and so becomingly arranged. She was dressed that day, as I recall, in pure white, with an amber-coloured scarf passed over her shoulder and across her breast, tied at her side, and descending in long, fringed ends below her knee. She wore and amber-coloured flower, too, in her hair, which contrasted well with her jetty curls. I once again found myself being blown away by her beauty.

"However, it was not long before I found out that what she had in looks, she lacked in mind and personality, for she was not to my taste, at all. She was very showy and had fine accomplishments, which was true; she had a beautiful, powerful singing voice, which I heard that night as she sang and played at the piano, and I sang along with her. Everyone remarked that we had a fine harmony together; but as I looked deeper into her character that night, I saw that her mind was poor, her heart barren by nature; for she would find no joy in the natural beauty of things, rather, she would find those in grand parties and dresses. She was not good, nor was she original; for she would often repeat phrases from books, never had an opinion of her own and would always ask what other people thought. When she looked at my servants, I saw her looking at them with a sneer and a cold, hard look would overcome her features, which would make her look, just for the odd few seconds, as ugly as she was on the inside, before she would turn back to me and that ugliness would be gone, and yet I knew that it still remained within her. She did not know the sensations of sympathy and pity; and tenderness and truth were not in her character. It's amazing how one's view of another's character can change within a matter of hours, isn't it?

"As soon as that night was out, I knew that Blanche was not the one for me. What she had in outward beauty, she did not have in her heart. Besides, I picked up on the fact that she was not only after my money (I'm guessing that Eshton told everyone that I was wealthy), for she would often send flirtatious smiles my way that night and in the morning before they left. She thought that by doing that she would worm her way into my pocket – not the first woman to do that, but I'll get to that later – for she was not interested in my heart; and after that first night in her presence, I was not interested in hers. I kept those notions to myself, though; choosing to be polite in society and make everyone believe that things were going well between me and Blanche (although I told Eshton that Blanche had absolutely no chance of getting me as her husband). Many people there – Lady Ingram in particular – were thrilled at how well me and Blanche were becoming accustomed to each other; and after the party was finished, her mother tried to convince me, countless times, to get me to join her at her estate and other parties. This was a ploy, I knew, just to get me and Blanche closer together. I graciously declined – although in reality, I was glad I did – and so, the party split up, with me and Eshton parting ways as good old friends, as always. As soon as a few days had passed and I had sorted out more arrangements with my estate agents and tenants and checked in on how Bertha was doing (which was not well, for she was getting worse by the day, now), I went back overseas to continue my search for _"the one"_. But that was not the last time saw Blanche."

"It wasn't?" Janet asked, surprised that I had said this. I smiled ever so slightly, laughing inwardly at my children's reaction as I shook my head in response to her question. "But I don't understand; if you were annoyed with Blanche, why were you not done with her?"

"And when _was_ the last time you saw her?" Eddie asked, as curious as his sister was, now.

I laughed out loud at this and said, "My dears, it is _you_ who are now getting ahead of yourselves. I will tell you all eventually, but I must not go out of the chronological order of events. Be patient. All will become clear to you in the end." My children looked disappointed at this, but they understood why this was, and allowed me to continue.

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**So, that was chapter four. What did you think. Also, tell me, do you want me to write about a few more mistresses – if so, give me some more information, and I will try to do the best I can out of it – or do you want me to just write about the Celine Varens stuff. Either way, it works for me, but I just want you all to be happy. Much thought from you will be appreciated, and please could you let me know by tomorrow, because that's when I will be writing next. Please R&amp;R, and don't be afraid to tell me what you think. Much appreciated. Thanks. K.J.A.**


	5. Chapter 5

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey guys, K.J.A. here again. I hope you all enjoyed chapter four. Also, thank you to Bonbonnet for your helpful advice with my grammar issues. I have taken it on board, and will use it from now on in my writing. Excerpts for this chapter include chapters twenty-seven and fifteen from **_**Jane Eyre**_**. And now, on with chapter five.**

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Chapter 5 – The Mistresses: Celine, Giacinta and Clara

"And so," I continued, "I journeyed onwards in my search to find _"the One"_. I continued with my usual score of women, travelling from one place to the other, coming home whenever business called me to do so and checking on Bertha when I did (and I was glad that Grace was there, for whenever Bertha saw me, she would always try to put her hands around my throat). But I didn't go abroad just for pleasures of the flesh, oh no; I also went, because sometimes a piece of landscape I chanced to come across happened to enrapture me on my travels, that I went back to that particular spot and spent hours there when I was in one place at one time long enough; but, I only did that when I was not busy with other things.

"Amongst my various wanderings across the world, I managed to climb Mount Vesuvius, scale the Great Wall of China, climbed some of the highest peaks in the Himalayas, amongst several other things I did. I also started to find different types of flowers, insects, birds and butterflies, and seeing as I am interested in nature, I started to collect them and put them in display cases, which I brought back with me to Thornfield, along with some other souvenirs from my travels which I placed in my study. I'll explain why they – and we – aren't at Thornfield later, though," I said, before either Janet or Eddie could ask me where all those precious things were now.

"Did the servants know of what you did, besides collecting butterflies and birds, Papa?" Janet asked.

"I think they suspected of what I was up to, but didn't dare say anything to me about it, out of the respect which they had for me, for which I was extremely grateful for. But getting back to the point; I tired of my dissipated life after about a year or so, but I could not live without the warmth of human companionship, unlike your mother (who can – and indeed – has done so, but I'll get to that later), so then I did another thing which I regret now …" I paused, and took a deep breath as I was about to drop a third bombshell on my children. I exhaled slowly and said, "I tried the companionship of mistresses –"

"WHAT!?" my children cried again.

"You know, if you two cry out in shock any louder, you'll end up either making me go deaf in one ear or shattering a window!" I scolded, looking from Janet to Eddie and back again, both of whom were looking at the floor, avoiding my eyes. I sighed and proceeded more calmly, "I know what I have to say is shocking, my children– and I did mention that to you before I started my tale – but could you please try to control the volume in your voices?" They both looked at me then, clearly sensing that the danger had passed, and nodded their heads and softly apologised to me.

"It's quite all right, my dears," I said softly, smiling at them. "So, as I was saying before the glass started to crack, I tried the companionship of mistresses. The first of whom was Celine Varens, a beautiful, young French opera-dancer, who I once called my _"grande passion"_, which she professed to return, ugly mortal that I am, even so. When she told me that she loved me, I was flattered by her; so much so that I gave her everything I could that I had within my power to give her: I installed her in a hotel, gave her servants, a carriage, fine dresses, jewels, the works; and in short, I was ruining myself in the process."

"Oh, Papa," Janet said, looking at me with a mixture of pity and scorn, which I know sounds surprising coming from my child, but I did deserve it.

"I know, my daughter, I know, but I didn't care at that moment, for I thought I loved her. But as I was soon to discover, that this relationship, just like the one I had with Bertha, was not meant to last …"

"So what happened next, Papa?" Eddie asked me, after a few moments of awkward silence had passed between us. During that time, I was lost in painful recollections of the past (which I had not experienced since their mother and I had become one flesh), and I was grateful to my son for bringing me back to the present.

"Hmm? Oh, well, I called on Celine one night when she was not expecting me, and decided to wait for her in the room of the hotel in which I had installed her in. I was content to wait for her to return for as long as possible, happily smelling all the delicious aromas of the all the flowers in the room. As it was a warm, June night, I walked to the balcony, opened the casement and sat on one of the two chairs there, lighting a cigar as I did so.

"After a few minutes of watching and waiting, I beheld an elegant carriage, drawn by a beautiful pair of English horses. It was the carriage I had given Celine. My heart thumped with impatience as I saw her descend from the carriage, wearing a cloak and covered, from what I could see of her, in the satin and jewels I had bestowed on her. Just as I was about to murmur "Mon ange" to her over the balcony, another figure jumped down from the carriage after her, also draped in a cloak.

"At that moment, the green snake of jealousy twisted its way around my heart, as I watched them enter the hotel. As I knew they would come to her boudoir, I pulled back the curtain and hid myself in the shadows as I watched them enter. They noticed my name on the card which I had placed on the table as soon as I had entered eventually, and after my name had been mentioned, Celine, who of course did not know that I was there at that moment, said what she truly thought of me: that I was an ugly fellow, whose only handsome aspect was my fortune. I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I poked my head around the partly-shut curtain to take a look at the pair, and when I saw who she was with - a brainless, vicious young officer who I had passed in the streets, I felt my heart, which had recently been broken, instantly heal itself, but yet had hardened slightly; for my flame for Celine had now been extinguished; for a woman who could betray me for such a rival was not worth contending for.

"I had had enough at this point, so I then chose to barge in on the pair of them. I gave Celine freedom from my protection; gave her notice to vacate the hotel and offered her a purse for immediate exigencies; ignoring the piteous works of screaming, hysterics, prayers and protestations Celine was making; trying to worm her way back into my good books by charming me and saying that she didn't know what she was doing, but I wasn't fooled, for it was now too late for her to try and wash away what I had just seen, for I had seen her true heart and was no longer interested with her.

"The next morning, I encountered the officer and had the immense satisfaction of shooting him – oh, don't worry, my dears –" I said, as my children gasped in alarm, "I didn't kill him; I just left him with a wounded arm, that's all. And with that, I thought that I was done with the Varens crew. However, I was mistaken; for six months after I had broken up with her, Celine came to me and left me with Adele, who she claimed was my daughter, but at the time I never saw her as such; for I see no likenesses between the child and myself, not even now, even though I care about her very deeply now than I did back then. Anyway, some years after I had broken with the mother, I learnt that she had abandoned the child and ran off to Italy with a musician or singer. I acknowledged no actual claim to her at the time, for I was then not her father, and yet I did not want to leave her in Paris; so I took her back to England and told her that her mother had passed on. I took care of more business, checked in on Bertha, asked Mrs Fairfax to find a suitable governess for Adele, and then left once more for the Continent.

"Once I reached there, I then decided to travel to Italy, not trusting Paris anymore, and once there I met an Italian, Giacinta, who I tired of within three months. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was beautiful, but she was also unprincipled and violent. I then decided to travel north, past France, and into Germany, where I met Clara, another beauty, honest and quiet; and yet, she was also heavy, mindless and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste. I gave her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business, and thus got rid of her.

"I did not like what I did, living that way, moving from one mistress to another. Hiring a mistress is the next worst thing to hiring a slave: both are often by nature, and always by position, inferior: and thus, to live with inferiors is degrading. I now hate the recollection of the time I spent with Celine, Giacinta and Clara. Indeed, after I left Clara, I hoped that I would never have to return to that life again." I stopped and smiled to myself before pressing on: "And I was glad when I came back to England after I had left Clara."

Eddie and Janet looked at each other confusedly, before they looked at me. Janet then asked me, "Why do you say that, Papa?"

"Haven't you already guessed yet, my dears?" I asked them, surprised that I neither of them had figured it out yet. They shook their heads, still puzzled, and I knew that I would have to give them the answer: "I was glad, Janet, because when I came back to England, I did not know that I was about to meet the most wonderful soul on Earth, in the form of a woman, who just so happens to be your mother."

My children got excited at this, but before either of them could ask me anything, there came a knock at the door. I told whoever it was to come in, and Mary entered, pushing a trolley with a tray on top with our lunches on it. So the story was postponed as we ate, for I really needed to give my vocal chords a rest.

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**So that's it for chapter five. I hope you liked the jokes I put in and that you enjoyed this chapter. Good stuff's coming up next, people; and don't worry, I will be explaining about Adele next, so please don't fret and question me about what I'm on about in this chapter about her. Please R&amp;R. Thanks. K.J.A.**


	6. Chapter 6

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey, guys. K.J.A. here again with another update. So, as we all know, this is where the really interesting and god bits happen. I do not know if this quite lives up to the expectations of other chapters, and I am sorry if it doesn't, but I am trying here, OK? So please don't give me too hard a time, because I was up until four in the morning last night writing this. Urgh, stress! Anyway, excerpts here are taken from chapters 12, 13 and of course, twenty-seven of _Jane Eyre_. And now, on with Chapter 6. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 6 – The Meeting of the Mother and a Conversation

"Papa?" Janet asked as soon as Mary had taken the plates away after we had finished lunch, which was not a subdued affair; my children and I ate quietly and cosily, each consumed in their own thoughts. Besides, I wanted to allow some time to pass in silence, so that my children could absorb in the information that I had recently told them.

"Yes, Janet?"

"Is the Adele you mentioned in the story our adopted sister Adele?"

I smiled at just how quickly she had cottoned on to that, so I merely chuckled and said, "Yes, Janet, she is your sister. Your mother and I adopted her after a few years had passed in our marriage; and when she had grown up, she met an artist, and the two of them went over to Paris to start a life together. They are both doing well for themselves: her husband's works are selling rather successfully, and Adele is a dance teacher. Nothing exotic, though. Just ballet. And I am glad to inform you both that she recently just had another child," I said, as my children gasped and smiled sweetly at the news. "Yes," I went on, "they are rather happy together. I'm sorry that we didn't tell you in a letter, but your mother and I both thought it best to tell you in person. She'll be glad to hear that you took it well. And speaking of your mother that brings us right back into the main story.

"So, after a being rid of all mistresses at last – in a harsh, bitter frame of mind as well as heart, the result of a useless, roving, lonely life – corroded with disappointment; sourly disposed against all men, and especially all _woman_kind (for I began to regard the notion of an intellectual, faithful, loving woman as a mere dream by that stage in my life), I was once again recalled to business, and so, I came back to England.

"It was January when I returned, and to my surprise, I saw Eshton again when I stayed in London overnight. He is, as you well know, a man of science and nature, and he told me all about his interesting study with birds. Interesting as it was, I cannot remember what he had talked about; for not only was I tired that night, but the evening seemed to pass in a blur, that's how much talk went on between us. Anyway, we parted on good terms the next morning, as usual.

"Now, here's where the really interesting part happens," I said, and to my delight, I saw my children edge forward in their seats, hanging on my every word; for they knew what was coming as well as I did. "It was twilight when I returned home. The ground was covered in frost and a mist hung in the air, covering everything in a foggy cloud; not too thick to see through, mind, but still, it was thick enough for me not to see too clearly ahead of me.

"As I rode in sight of Thornfield, I looked up at it with hatred, and longed to shut the cursed place up for ever; for I expected to find no peace, no pleasure there. On a stile in Hay Lane, I saw a quiet little figure sitting by itself, which I passed as negligently as the pollard window opposite to it: I had no presentiment of what it would be to me; no inward warning that the arbitress of my life – my genius for good or evil – waited there in humble guise.

"Now as I have already stated, there was a mist that night, so I did not see up ahead a patch of ice. I just kept riding on as normally as I had, when suddenly, I felt my horse's hooves slip, and we went crashing to the ground. I remember I exclaimed, "What the deuce is to do now?" as Pilot, my old dog, ran off in the other direction. I swore and cursed under my breath as I struggled to get back on my feet, trying to free myself from my horse. It was as I was doing this that I heard the voice of a young woman say, "Are you injured, sir?"

"I know I said something under my breath, but I cannot recall what it was. Besides, I had no idea of who this person was, or of all the good she would soon bring into my life. I do remember, though, that I was angry at Pilot for finding someone, a young woman, nonetheless, find me in such a state; for my pride was hurt at being found in such a fashion. Anyway, I turned towards the sound of the voice as she approached me. She asked if she could do anything, to which I answered that she could just stand aside, which she did, as I untangled myself from my horse and stood as best I could. This elfish creature then said that if I was hurt, that she would run and get help from Hay or from Thornfield; but I declined, for it was just a sprain after all, and I managed well enough. And truth be told, I was surprised that this creature, young as she was, spoke with such authority to someone like me: and as I looked at her, trying to make out some of her features from the amount of moonlight that was splayed on the path, I saw that they were nothing extraordinary, but there was, however, something in her eyes which grabbed my attention, although I just couldn't put my finger on what it was at that moment.

"I then took in the rest of her form, and figured from her structure that she could not have been much older than twenty, give or take a few years. Seeing that darkness was fast approaching, I told her that she should be at home herself. I asked from whence she came, and she told me that she was at Thornfield. Mrs Fairfax hired new servants in my absence, and I figured that this girl could not have been employed in my house for more than a few months. After a few more questions, I gathered that she knew my name, but did not know who I was, for she had obviously never met me until then. She did not look like any servant from the way she was dressed, and when I asked her, she told me that she was the governess.

"I remembered that she looked like an elf or a fairy of some kind, and that she deliberately bewitched that patch of land with ice, in order to knock unsuspecting traveller's off their feet – or horses – for their own tricks. Anyway, I was pleased to know that this elf lived at my house and would be returning to me, as I instructed her to bring my horse to me, seeing as she had nothing that I could use as a prop. I watched her for a few moments try in vain at bringing my horse, who would only answer to my hands alone, so it seemed. I laughed and asked her to come to me; and it was then, at that very moment when I placed my hand on her frail shoulder that something came over me. Something which I had never felt with no other woman.

"It was something new – a fresh sap and sense of some sort – which stole over my frame. I can't exactly put my finger on what it was, nor describe the feeling exactly; but what I can tell you is that it was something so pure and strong and good that it drew me closer to her. I was glad to know that she was to return to my house, or I could not have felt her pass away with singular regret; for she told me that she was on her way to post a letter. I now returned to Thornfield in a slightly better and brighter state of mind than I had before I met her. And that, my dears, is how I met your mother."

My children smiled at this, before Janet said teasingly, "But that's not all there is to it, is there, Papa?"

I chuckled at her quick-wittedness, before I said, "No Janet, that is not all there is to my tale, for I did say that I was going to tell you what happened beyond that point with the horse. And so, to continue my story: when I arrived home, the servants made a fuss over me, even though I tried to push them off, but to no obvious effect. Adele came running up to me, babbling on in her childish way, as I waited for the doctor. Mrs Fairfax then told me about the governess she had hired for Adele, and told me that the girl's name was Jane Eyre. Just as I was about to ask her for more about this Jane Eyre, I was brought out of these thoughts by the arrival of Doctor Carter; who just as good as confirmed my suspicions about the sprain in my leg and as this was going on, I thought I heard the sound of a door opening, and assumed that it was your mother who had come home. I wished to speak to her, but I knew that would have to wait for another time; so I told Mrs Fairfax to send some supper to my room for I was tired, and also told her that the next time she saw Miss Eyre – as I then called her – she would tell her that I would like her to join me for some tea in the drawing room the next evening.

"When I was alone with my thoughts, I thought about her, trying to listen for the sound of her footsteps on the stairs, but as I did not hear a thing, I quickly ate, got into bed and thought about how different life could be for me at Thornfield, and how it could change, and all because of one person. As I drifted off to sleep that night, the last thing I remember thinking about were those bright, piercing eyes of hers, and just how beautiful they were.

"The next day, I was kept busy by visitors coming and going: friends who wanted to see me and wish me a speedy recovery, and those who had come to arrange meetings to discuss how things were going on the estates surrounding the local area. This continued for most of the day, until I finally got a few minutes of peace late in the afternoon; well, that was until I heard the sound of running footsteps, followed by the sound of a child's laughter, which were followed by a soft footfall. It was a footstep I had never heard the likes of before, and I knew that this could only be one person: that of your mother playing with Adele in the gallery outside the library (in which I was in).

"I observed them – myself unseen – as your mother played with Adele for half an hour. It was a snowy day, as I recall, and they could not go out of doors. I listened and watched them: Adele claimed her outward attention for a while; yet I fancied that your mother's thoughts were elsewhere. Your mother was patient with her, though, and entertained her for a while. At last, Adele left her, and your mother lasped at once then into a deep reverie, for she betook to slowly pacing the gallery. Now and then when passing a casement, she would glance at the thick falling snow, listened to the sobbing wind, then gently pace on and dream. I assumed those day visions were not dark: there was a pleasurable illumination in her eye occasionally, a soft excitement in her aspect, which told of no bitter, bilious, hypochondriac brooding: your mother's look rather revealed the sweet musings of youth when its spirit follows on willing wings the flight of Hope up and on to an ideal Heaven. The voice of Mrs Fairfax, speaking to a servant in the hall, wakened her: and oh, how curiously your mother smiled to and at herself, my dears," I said, smiling as I remembered that. "It seemed to say, "My fine visions are all very well, but I must not forget they are all absolutely unreal. I have a rosy sky and a flowery green Eden in my brain; but without, I am perfectly aware, lies at my feet a rough tract to travel, and around me gather black tempests to encounter". She ran downstairs and demanded of Mrs Fairfax some occupation: the weekly household accounts to make up, or something of the sort, I think it was. I was vexed with your mother for getting out of my sight.

"And so, impatiently I waited for evening when I summoned her to my presence. An unusual – to me – a perfectly new character I suspected your mother's was. I desired to search deeper and know it better. She entered the room with a look and air at once shy and independent. She was dressed quaintly, too. I asked her questions, of course, in order to get to know her better."

"What did she tell you, Papa?" Eddie asked. "What did you find out about her?"

"Well, my son," I said, "I found your mother full of strange garbs. Her mannerisms and speech controlled by the way she was raised at school and she was unused to society and a great ideal afraid of making a fool out of herself if she made a mistake talking. She surprised me first by saying she had never received a present in her life; and after asking her what she thought about them, she told me that she would study them from all sides before giving me a response. When I told her that she had done well with Adele, she told me that I had just given her a present in the form of gratitude. I then learnt that she had been resident in my house for three months and had come from Lowood school, where she been since she was ten. She spent eight years there: six as a pupil, and two as a teacher. Her eyes winced slightly with some pain on the subject, but I didn't press too deeply into that.

"Anyway, I found her giving me rather articulated answers to my questions, and was glad to find an intelligent, fresh young mind to converse with; for a light of understanding seemed to shine in her eyes when I told her that she reminded me of fairy tales; or when I told her if she was waiting for her people – by which I am talking about the imps, elves and little green men – and she told me that they had all left England long ago.

"I further discovered that she was just as alone in the world as I was. She had no one; was parentless for as long as she can remember, had no brothers or sisters – so to speak, but I'll get to that later – and had no aunts or uncles – (which was a lie, but I'll get to that). Anyway, I then went on to ask her if she had ever lived in a town, to which she replied in the negative, whether she had seen much of society; which she said were only the teachers and pupils of Lowood and the staff of Thornfield. I then asked your mother if she had read much, and she told me that she had read only the books in which she had come across at Lowood, which greatly surpised me; for she had spoken such articulated answers that I wondered where she must have formed her mind, in order to answer me in such a way.

"I then asked her about her school life, and learnt that Brocklehurst was a parson as well as the head. When I asked your mother if she worshipped him, she replied with a very cool no. she then went on to say that she was not alone in how she felt about him, for all the girls disliked him; for he was a harsh, pompous and a meddling man, who cut off their hair, starved them, brought them bad needles and thread with which to sew, and gave them rather long and boring stories from the books that he chose about sudden deaths and judgements, that made the girls scared to go to bed at night.

"I then went on to ask her about what she had learnt and if she could play on the piano, which she replied that she could, but only a little, which was true; better than some, but not well. I also remembered that Adele had brought me some of her drawings that morning and asked her to bring them down for me so that I could observe them more closely, and told her that I would see for myself if they were, indeed, her own work; for I would see if they were copies, I told here; although I already knew that they were not, for I had never seen such remarkable pieces of work in my life before. She told me that she would say nothing and that I would judge for myself, before she got them.

"They were wonderful things – still are, in fact, your mother's drawings; each as wonderful and original as the next; which told of the inner soul that your dear mother has. She told me that she had done them in her spare time at Lowood during the vacations when there was nothing better to do; and when I asked her if a master aided her, she told me that she had not had anyone to help her, for she had gotten the ideas out of her own head. She then told me that to paint, for her, was one of the finest pleasures she had ever known, up until that moment in her life. I wished dearly that I had had a pleasure like this to keep me occupied before I met her, seeing as how our pleasures were both so different; but of course, hers had been few.

"I took a few which grabbed my interest and gave the rest to Mrs Fairfax. What surprised me the most about them was that the feelings of isolation and loneliness which she had experienced in them were not in the remarkable drawings which she had produced. I asked your mother if she was satisfied when she had finished them; and she replied that the finished result was far from the ideal image of what had been her intention to produce out of her head; which told me that she was a woman who wanted to perfect and improve on her work, but couldn't exactly reached the expectations of the result in which she had originated, or thought they would turn out like. I gave her some helpful advice and tips on how she should improve on her work that she was sure to produce in the future, saying that she had secluded the shadow of her thoughts, even though the drawings were peculiar for a school-girl. I went on to say that the drawings themselves were elfish, for in the drawing she had drawn her subject's eyes so clearly and yet they were not at all brilliant; a planet quelled above their rays and their eyes shone with a solemn depth. She had learnt to paint wind, too, and I saw Latmos in what she had done. I was surprised that she knew about Latmos, for as I have told you, my dears, Latmos is a mountain in Greece, and seeing as she had never travelled, I wondered at how she could have known about it or seen it. I was impressed and intrigued by what I had seen the artist accomplish, and hope that she would take my encouraging words on board for her future drawings; then asked her to put away her things and then I bid the women goodnight, not looking at your mother as she left me.

"My dears, this may surprise you now, for you are both young not to know this yet, but when someone like your mother enters your life, who fills your head with such new ideas, and starts to bring hope and new light into your eyes and your heart as your mother did with me all those years ago, then you will know how it feels to have your soul breathe new, clean, fresh air, which I had not felt for year, but had been endlessly searching for. Indeed, as I got into my bed that night, I couldn't help but feel glad that Mrs Fairfax had chosen well in decision making for Adele's governess, and was happy that your mother was making friends and was comfortable here. It was amazing how much we were alike, even though I had only spoken to her properly that one time, and I knew at that moment, that this was going to be a much better start in our lives for both me and your mother. And little did we know back then, just how important we would be to each other; nor did we know how we would inspire each other to be better people and see things differently, or all the obstacles we would face in order to be together. but once again, I am getting ahead of myself. Don't worry, my dears, I will get to things. All in god time, dear ones. All in good time"

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**So, that was chapter 6 over and done with. Once again, I am truly sorry if this flopped a little, but I hoped you enjoyed it anyway. I think the next chapter will be easier for me to write, so don't worry, we are not done yet, for there is still much good stuff to come. As usual, please R&amp;R. I will update again tomorrow. Until then, T.T.F.N.**


	7. Chapter 7

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey guys, K.J.A. here. I hope you have liked my story so far. Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter. I am really glad you liked it. This one is slightly better than the last in my opinion - for I'm sure there's more stuff I could add, but I really have forgot, so just tell me what I should have added if you think that I have missed anything out here. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapters 14, 15 and 27 of _Jane Eyre_. And so, dear readers, let's proceed with this chapter. **

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Chapter 7 – Feelings Grow Stronger

"And so, my dears," I continued, "that was the first conversation me and your mother had. I was pleasantly surprised by the answers she had given to my questions. She addressed me with a keen, a daring and glowing eye to my face: there was penetration and power in each glance she gave; and when piled by close questions, she found ready and round answers. Yet there was one facet about her which I found the most intriguing and captivating; an aspect to her that I could not forget.

"I am talking of her eyes, of course: those penetrating orbs which revealed her soul slowly but shortly to me as the time passed. They seemed to enter my thoughts, day or night. Whenever I was alone, whether I saw her or not on some day, they would appear in my mind involuntarily of their own accord, whether I wanted them to be there or not. No matter what I did to distract myself, they would still find me. I knew where this was heading, and yet I did not want to go there too fast, too soon; besides, as much as I had learnt about her during our first conversation, I still did not know that much about her; and as I had been hurt by other women many times before, I was unsure of whether she would treat me with the tenderness I so greatly deserved, or if she would turn on me with disgust and hurt me yet again, but I really hoped back then that she wouldn't do the latter."

"So, what did you do to distract yourself, Papa?" Janet asked.

"Well," I answered after a moment, "I first checked on Bertha as soon as I was able to move around quite swiftly on my feet after about two days had passed; and I was sure glad to get that meeting out of the way; but I don't have to go into detail there, for I'm sure you already know why that is, don't you? Anyway," I proceeded, "every day, for two weeks straight I would be engaged with business in the morning and in the afternoon gentlemen from Millcote or the neighbourhood called, who sometimes stayed to dine with me. When my sprain had healed, I rode a good deal; returning those visits, as I had every right to do so.

"I seldom sent for Adele during these times, and all the acquaintance between me and your mother was passed in the hall, on the stairs or in the gallery, where I would sometimes pass her haughtily or coldly, just acknowledging her with a single nod or a cool glance, and would sometimes bow or smile at her with gentlemen-like affability, despite the way her eyes would haunt me when I looked at them. She seemed to get used to me very quickly, your mother; for snarl as I would, she showed no fear, surprise, annoyance or displeasure at my moroseness. I think she assumed that this was my general way of acting, and therefore decided to go along with it. She watched me, and every now and then she would smile at me with a simple yet sagacious grace I cannot describe. I was at once content and stimulated with what I saw: I liked what I had seen, and wished to see more of her. Yet for a long time I treated her distantly and sought her company rarely; and before either of you ask why I treated your mother this way," I said, as I saw my children begin to argue with me that it was wrong of me to treat her thusly, "it was because I was an intellectual epicure, and I wished to prolong the gratification of making this novel and piquant acquaintance: besides, I was for a while troubled with a haunting fear that if I handled the flower freely that its bloom would fade – that the sweet charm of freshness would leave it. I did not then know that this was no transitory blossom, but rather the radiant resemblance of one, cut in an indestructible gem. Moreover, I wished to see if your mother would seek me if I shunned her – but she did not; she kept to the schoolroom as still as her own desk and easel; if by chance I happened to meet her, she passed me as soon, with as little token of recognition, as was consistent with respect. Her habitual expression in those days, my dears, was a thoughtful look; not despondent, for she was not sickly; but not buoyant, either, for she had little hope and no actual pleasure. Besides, I began to dream at night of your mother's eyes constantly haunting mine, and I wanted to know what she thought of me, or if she ever thought of me for that matter. To find this out, I resumed my notice of her, for not to do so would have been a very foolish thing for me to do indeed, because I found that I could not avoid her any longer; for the longer I avoided her, the more I wanted to be with her; and as luck would have it, I found the perfect opportunity to speak with her not two weeks after we had first met.

"I had company to dinner that night as I recall, and I had asked for your mother's portfolio to be sent for, for I wished to share with my guests the fantastical imaginings of your mother's mind; but to my dismay, none of them seemed vaguely interested. The gentlemen left early, and seeing as the night was wet – and the drawings reminded me of your mother, and how desperately I wished to be in her presence again – I declined to go with them. I summoned your mother to my presence again that evening, and I waited for her and Adele to join me.

"Adele was, of course, ecstatic with the gift which I had brought for her, which I told her to take away and study it quietly. I sent for Mrs Fairfax to keep her occupied, for it was your mother's company that I wanted that evening.

"As I did not see your mother enter the room with Adele, I wondered out loud as to where she was. I looked around and saw that she was standing in the doorway, looking at me coolly as to treating the child as such. I told her to come on in and sit in front of me, and not to move the chair I had placed for her; for her face was the object I wanted to see so clearly.

"Back before I married your mother and had you two, my lambs," I said softly, looking at my children with tenderness I did not know I possessed until my Jane had entered my life; "I was not fond of children, nor did I enjoy the chatter of simple-minded old ladies, which has not changed. So it was your mother who would have to do to suit me, and suited me she certainly did.

"Anyway, as I turned my head to the fire, I saw out of the corner of my eye your mother examining me. I let this continue for a few minutes before I turned my head and asked her if she thought me handsome, to which she replied in the negative, straight and sharply for that matter, just like Celine had done; except that in this case, where Celine had been closed and deceitful, your mother was open and honest. I then went on to ask her what faults she found in all my limbs and features, to which she said that beauty is of little consequence.

"She had intrigued me and surprised me by her answer yet again. I told her that when I was as young as she was that fate had dealt me a blow, and after so many years my once good, gentle heart had hardened into an India-rubber ball, and asked her whether there was hope for me to my heart to become a _proper_ heart once more. I had puzzled her, and that look, along with the blush on her cheeks and the glow from her eyes, transformed her face into something so astoundingly beautiful in my eyes, that I confess it pained me to even draw breath. Anyway, I stood up and leaned against the mantle-piece so that your mother could study my frame better, and told her that I wished to draw her out and be communicative with her, for no one else would do for me to converse with than she, as I have already said. I wished for her to talk about a topic of her choosing, but she could not, not knowing what interests I had.

"I saw that she was stubborn and annoyed at my tone of command, so I told her that I did not wish to treat her as inferior; and that I only claimed such superiority from twenty years' difference in age and a century's advance in experience. I was always thinking some darkening thoughts in those days, my dears; and as my mind started to slip into them, I asked her to talk. Seeing as she didn't know where to begin with, I asked her whether I had the right to be masterful, abrupt, perhaps exacting; sometimes on the grounds I stated namely that I was – and am – old enough to be her father, and that I had battled through a variety of experience with men of many nations, and roamed over half the globe, whilst your dear mother had lived quietly amongst one set of people in one house."

"How did she respond to that, Papa?" Eddie asked.

"Well, the answer she gave me was a rather irritating one, my son," I said. "It was in the form of "Do as you please, sir". I asked her to give me a better one than that, and she said that my claim to superiority came from the use of my time and experience, and not because I was older or more advanced in the ways of the world. That would not do for me, either, because of all the mistakes I had made. We then went on to talk about the money, which I had neglected to mention; seeing that most masters would not ask for their employees views and opinions as I had done, which is true. I then asked her whether she would agree that I had the right to command her on that point, and she said not on that point, but on the point that I did forget about the money. It was then that I saw that your mother was looking for someone to treat her as an equal, for I doubted then whether she had ever been treated as such, or had ever been given the respect that she truly did deserve. I also learnt that money was one of the things she cared very little about on Earth, the same as me.

"Your mother's innocence was something so pure and so good, and something that I had so desperately lost long ago. I wished to go back the time when I still had it when I was in your mother's presence in those days. I knew I had my faults, and told your mother of this; as well as stating that at the age of one-and-twenty, that Fate had dealt me a blow, and that I had made many a wrong choice since then. I was her equal at eighteen, and we went on to discuss how I would get happiness, despite the fact that I had turned desperate and had degenerated because of it. I told your mother to dread remorse, for it is the poison of life, and she told me that repentance I said to be its cure. Oh, I so wished at that moment that your mother could see how much I repented for my past sins and was riddled by the guilt that swirled within me and consumed me day-in, day-out, until – but, I'll get to that later.

"Anyway, as much as I wished to change the subject, we continued to discuss rather heatedly about my regeneration for life and I really did not want to be pained by those dark thoughts, and wished that I could end my pain once and for all.

"I realised after a few minutes of heated discussion had passed between us that your mother cared for my welfare, and had told me as much by the words she conveyed. She seemed confused by the conversation, saying that she had no desire to talk nonsense; for the conversation by that point had gone out of her depth. I went on to say that my former pursuits and associates I would give up, just because I wanted to be with her (although I left out the last part). I so deeply wished that there could have been a way for me to legalise the chains which bound me to the mad woman upstairs: but the more I continued to try and go on and express this point in a non-too direct fashion, it seemed to only confuse her more. When she had had enough of this, for I saw that she was getting up to leave, I asked her to stay and wait with me for Adele (who had gone with Mrs Fairfax to try on her new dress). I asked if she was afraid of me, to which she replied that she was not and once again stated that she did not wish to talk nonsense. I then asked your mother if she ever laughed – which was very rarely back then – but given time, she would get used to me, and the Lowood constraint that restrained control over her features would slowly slip away, and give more free reign of her true self to open up to me – which they did, but I'll get to that. Anyway, I then went on to tell her that I saw her as a sort of curious bird, peeking through the close-set bars of a cage; a vivid, restless captive; and if it were but free it would soar, cloud high. I saw that she was still intent on going, but then Adele came into the room, looking like the younger version of her mother. I told your mother that I would tell her the story of Celine Varens – which I will not repeat to you, my dears, seeing as I have already told you that part – and that it would wait for another time, for it was too late to go into particulars that night. I then bid the women goodnight.

"When I was alone with my thoughts, I took to thinking about your mother, and of how different she was from every other woman I had ever been with. Adele was only interested in material things – but not anymore; for fortunately after time went on, she began to lose some of the values that her mother had placed in her mind, thanks to your mother's good heart – much like her mother, and Bertha was another story. But your mother was the first woman who seemed generally interested in my conversation and my well-being. I started to think that she could be the one to save me and that she would do me some good, just as I had done when I first met her. She has done me more good than I ever thought possible, your mother has; and at that moment, I started to imagine a better and far brighter future than I ever thought possible, with your mother at the heart and centre of it.

"Anyway," I then went on, "when I told your mother the story of Celine, seeing as your mother was Adele's governess at the time, I asked her, once I had finished, whether I would have to find a new governess for her; for I assumed that your mother would be ashamed with what I had just told her; but on the contrary, she just smiled sweetly and told me that Adele was not answerable for her mother's faults or mine, and as she saw Adele alone and parentless, she would hold her with a much higher regard than she had done prior to my confession at telling her of Adele's mother.

"But before I told your mother of what had happened between Celine and myself, I took to spending more time with your mother, calling her to my presence almost every evening, watching her face light up as I told her of my travels (leaving out rather the explicit details, I assure you), and she became delighted to hear me talk of them in such relish; I saw a new light flash in those beautiful eyes of hers, as I opened my mind to her. I saw her listening to me, hanging on to my every word, always wanting to hear more. I was happy to share my travels with someone who valued them as much as I valued her.

"As the weeks passed, I saw that there was something glad in her glance and genial in her manner when I conversed with your mother when she was thus engaged in conversation. I saw that she had a social heart, and that it was the silent schoolroom – the tedium of her life – which made your mother mournful. I permitted myself the delight of being kind to her; kindness stirred emotion soon: her face became soft in expression, her tones gentle. She began to smile and laugh in my presence, and when she did so, I would do so, too; delighted by the way her eyes illuminated brightly when she laughed, and I would find myself being captivated by the windows to her sweet soul, slowly falling under her spell – but once again, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyway, I was still thinking dark thoughts as I waited in the library for her to come and read to me; but when she entered the room, they went away, as my eyes were blinded by her presence; and when she read, her voice spoke with such energy that I was carried away on the words she spoke: after all, she spoke the words with such clarity, that I imagined the pictures she was forming as clearly as I saw her face.

"As I was saying, I liked to hear my name pronounced on her lips in a graceful, happy accent. I used to enjoy a chance meeting at this time: there was a curious hesitation in her manner: she glanced at me with a slight trouble – a hovering doubt: you see, my dears, your mother did not know what my caprice might be – whether I was going to play the master and be stern or the friend and be benignant. I was now too fond of your mother often to stimulate the first whim, which was true; whenever we were in the library together, the light would shine on her skin in such a way that I was blown away by her beauty. I so desperately wanted to feel for myself how her soft, delicate skin would feel to the touch, to run my fingers through her soft, luscious hair and wondered how soft and delicate her lips would feel against mine.

"Anyway, as I was saying before I got lost in my thoughts, whenever I would stretch out my hand cordially, such bloom and light and bliss rose up from her young, wistful features, and beams of light burning brighter than the Sun, which pierced right through my own eyes and seemed to reach right down into the very heart of my soul, that I had much ado often to avoid straining her then and there to my heart, for she took my breath away, and made my heart beat violently.

"To continue though: as I got into bed the night of the day when I had told your mother about Adele's mother, I realised that I was falling hard and fast down a long tunnel, into the arms of love that were your mother's; waiting for them to reach up to me and fold me in her loving embrace. Yes my dears, even though I had only known your mother for two months, I was already deeply in love with her."

"Oh, Papa!" Janet exclaimed, giving me a half-piteous, half-joyous look. "You finally found the One, even though you couldn't marry Mama back then."

"Yes Janet, I did, for there was never a more true saying than "you can't help who you fall in love with", something you will both learn in time. Anyway, your mother only made my feelings grow even stronger for her after that night; for you see, she did something that I am still grateful to her for even after all these years, and mad my love - as well as my respect - for her increase."

"What did she do, Papa?" Eddie asked, him and Janet both curious as to what their mother did; I smiled as I remembered what had had happened that night, the night I truly realised that I loved her, as I looked at my children and said simply, "Your mother, my dears, saved my life."

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**So that's it for this chapter. I will be updating tomorrow, where the next chapter will focus on the first fire and the beginning of the party. I will also be adding more dialogue from his children, because I felt that there in some things in _Jane_ Eyre that I was annoyed with, so I want his children to speak those issues, not only to ease my own mind on this matter, but also to express more of their own feelings as to why their father did what he did.This will become clearer in the next chapter. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please R&amp;R. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again. First of all, I would just like to say that yes, this is still me and my story, it's just that I have changed my name. Second of all, I hope you really enjoy this chapter. Excerpts from chapters fifteen and seventeen of _Jane Eyre_ are included. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 8 – The First Fire and the Beginning of the Party.

"What?" my children said both shocked at what I had just revealed to them.

"It's true, my children," I spoke seriously. "Your mother saved me from a terrible fate that night."

"What happened, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie leaning forward in their seats, desperately wanting to know more.

"Well, my dears," I began, "it all started quiet and well enough for me. I was in my bed, dreaming pleasantly of your mother. I still remember the dream now, you know: we were in the gardens of Thornfield, sharing a rather pleasant time together; our arms were around each other and we were kissing each other passionately; and each kiss we shared got deeper and deeper, as I remember in the dream that I slipped one of my hands down her back and onto her –"

"PAPA!" Janet exclaimed suddenly, startling me out of my passionate, desirable fantasy. I looked at my children and saw that they were both uncomfortable at what I could have revealed to them.

I shifted uncomfortably I my chair as I said, "Sorry, my dears. For a moment there I forgot who I was speaking to, so lost was I in my own thoughts. To get back to the point though, I thought that I heard, even in dreams, the sound of Bertha's laughter, but I was too comfortable being in the dream with your mother that I chose to ignore it.

"The next thing I knew, I heard your mother's voice telling me to wake up, which I thought was odd, because I thought that I was awake with her in the dream; and besides, I was far too comfortable where I was to move. The next thing I knew, I felt the sensation of cold water being splashed over me, and it was only then that I did finally start to wake; but as I was still half-asleep, the only brilliant response that I could come out with was to say if there had been a flood, I was that drenched. I then heard your mother telling me that there had been a fire and that she had had to put it out. I recognised her voice at once, and asked what she was doing in my room and then teased her by asking if she had plotted to drown me. I know, it was the worst time for me to make a joke, but I was still half-asleep as I have just said, and I didn't really understand what was going on. Your mother ignored this and spoke realistically, telling me that I should get up, for we needed to get to the bottom of the _"mystery" _of who had tried to drown me. I was fully awake by this point, so I did what she said for she was right, and I told her to run and fetch a candle whilst I tried to find some dry garments. Your mother ran from the room as I found my robe and put it on; and within two minutes your mother was back in my room with a candle.

"I took the candle from her and surveyed the damage done to my bed: from the hangings which were all blackened and scorched, to the sheets below, which were all drenched from the water. I asked your mother to tell me what had happened. She proceeded to tell me that she couldn't sleep and that she had heard a noise – a strange laugh – outside her bedroom door. She then went on to tell me that she had heard a step ascending to the third-storey, before she noticed the smell of the fire and followed the smoke to my room, where there was a candle outside my door. She then opened my door – from whence under the eaves, smoke was flowing biliously – and seeing the flames licking the hangings, she then went on to save me."

"It was Bertha who caused the fire!" Eddie said.

"Yes my son, she did, but that was the first time she did it –"

"The _first_ time!" my children said incredulously, shock once again planted on their faces.

"Yes, that was the first time that Bertha had attempted to set fire to the place, but I'll get to the second time later. Anyway, I then knew that she hated me as I hated her, but she decided to take it to a whole new level. I knew that Bertha had been the cause behind this at once, but I did not want your mother to know of my secret. And speaking of your mother, she went on to say that she would get Mrs Fairfax or John and his wife to help me, but I said that I would do, for I did not wish to wake them from their gentle slumber and concern them in something that wasn't their problem. I saw to it that your mother was warm enough and that she was out of the water so she wouldn't catch cold, I then told her to wait for me and to be as quiet as she could as I proceeded to the third-storey.

"When I got there, I saw that Mrs Poole had taken to the bottle a little too much (no doubt that Bertha had a hand in that) and after a few minutes of struggling, I managed to rouse her as Bertha looked on, smiling malignantly at us from her bed. I told Grace of what had happened, told her that this was inacceptable and that she should be careful of how she went when drinking. She nodded in understanding, and then I went back down to your mother, who I was glad to see hadn't moved from where I had put her.

"When I entered the room, I told your mother that I had discovered all. She asked me how, and as I wished not to divulge to her the terrible secret of the demon, I told your mother that I had forgotten what she had told me, whether she saw anyone, which she replied she had not, for she had heard a strange laugh, a laugh which she had heard before, and told me that it was the laugh of Grace Poole. She was half-right, of course, but I didn't want her to know of Bertha for fear that she would leave me, but I instead I went along with her story, telling her that that I would be responsible for what happened in my room that night and that she should say nothing. She agreed of course and prepared to leave me, but I could net let her leave me in that way; so I called her back, for it would not do for me to let her pass me as if we were mere strangers, so I said that we should at least shake hands before we departed. I held out one of mine and she hesitated before putting one of her own little, delicate hands in my large, rough one. I then put my other hand over hers, finally feeling the soft, delicate skin in-between my fingers."

"What did you say to her, Papa?" Janet asked excitedly, fidgeting in her seat with excitement.

I smiled at her eagerness as I said, "Well my dears, I then told your mother that she had saved my life and that I had a pleasure in owing her my life. Your mother told me in her own modest way that there was no debt. I remembered how the blood pumped hard and fast through my veins as my heart beat loudly. Anyway, I then went on to tell your mother that I knew that she would do me good in some way the first night I met her from the way the light shone in her eyes; and I inwardly implored your mother to see how much she meant to me, for I'm sure my eyes were saying such things; but at that moment in time, I believe that she did not know, for she was still trying to bid me goodnight. I kept her with me for a few more minutes before she said that she heard Mrs Fairfax moving. I loosened my hand and let her go, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone.

"I sat in the library after that, with all other thoughts of sleep evading me, for all I could think about was your mother. I did not know if she loved me, even though I knew that she cared for me; but I did not then know just how deeply she cared. We were friends at the very least, it was true, but I couldn't go any further than that at that point. I was beginning to wonder and worry if she would ever love me as I loved her, for she had begun to make me feel unsure of myself. These thoughts consumed me, practically driving me into madness the longer I thought about them, and I knew that I would have to get away from her for a while. I was sure that when your mother saw me that morning that she would be confused and embarrassed by what had happened the night before, so as much as it pained me to do so, I left for Eshton's place, where he was hosting a party there with some other friends and acquaintances of ours, and that's where I decided to go. So as soon as it was light enough, I changed, told Mrs Fairfax of where I was going, got on my horse and left."

"You could have at least left a note for Mama, Papa, to tell her of your whereabouts," Janet said disapprovingly.

I sighed deeply as I said, "I know it was wrong of me to leave your mother like that, Janet, but to be honest, that was something that escaped my mind, and I believe that I would only have confused your mother if I had done so. Anyway, when I reached Eshton's place, I put on my best smile for society and entered. I was welcomed warmly by Eshton, who greeted me in the main hall, and led me into the dining room where the company were still at breakfast; but when I entered, they all got up and greeted me warmly, especially Blanche, who as you may recall, hadn't seen me since the Christmas party that I had thrown at Thornfield not eight years earlier. She smiled graciously and flirtatiously at me, saying that she was ever so glad to see me again for it had been too long for us to be apart from each other in her opinion; but for me, however, it had been long enough, for I just could not stand the woman.

"I compared her to your mother. Blanche was beautiful enough on the outside: tall, dark and majestic, who was a woman who was accustomed to the ways of society, who was born wealthy and, if she had had a heart which was not made of cold steel, which seemed to shine from her eyes every so often, then she would be the perfect match to any man who wanted her. Your mother on the other hand, was small, rather plain-looking (but only to those who did not choose to look past the outward appearance), had no family, was not accustomed to the ways of society, did not judge others harshly for their past deeds and sins – unlike Blanche did – but who held within her a heart, which beat with fresh, clean oxygen and was as warm and gentle as a soft fire, which when roused into an inferno was something you had to see, as I have. What was a cold, harsh winter in comparison to a soft, fresh spring with new flowers in bloom? I knew which one I wanted and what suited me, but the question was how I was going to get it?

"Anyway, for two long weeks I spent my time at Eshton's, trying to distract myself by the company, but no matter how hard I tried I could not get your mother out of my head. I would continuously wonder at what she was doing, whether she was thinking about me and how she was passing her days with just Mrs Fairfax and Adele for company amongst others. Indeed, I sometimes got myself so wrapped up in these thoughts of your mother, that someone – mainly Balnche – rather irritatingly snapped me out of my wanderings and brought me rather unwillingly back to the conversation, when all I really wanted was to be alone with the thoughts of your mother, which is why I really looked forward to my dreams at night, during the time I spent away from her.

"Towards the end of my first week there, Eshton, who seemed to understand what I was feeling (for not only did he know how much I despised Blanche and her family, but also happened to know me practically better than anyone else on Earth, besides your mother, of course), made the suggestion that the party should be continued at Thornfield. At first I didn't really think that this was such a good idea, but then another idea started to form in my head; for I knew that before your mother met me that she had never felt the feelings of either love or jealousy; and it was only after these thoughts started that I began to form a plan and I told Eshton that I agreed with him and that we would travel to Thornfield by the end of the week. I wrote to Mrs Fairfax about when I was coming back, the guests that I was bringing with me and what I wanted her and the rest of the staff to do before my return. I then proceeded to treat Blanche better, complimenting her more than usual and thus leading her on, only in an attempt to make your mother jealous."

"Seriously?" Eddie asked in disbelief.

"Papa, how could you do such a thing as that to poor Mama?" Janet asked, looking hurt at what I had just revealed to her and her brother.

"I know, my dears, but I was desperate to know what your mother truly felt, and I was sure that if she felt jealous at seeing me "courting" another woman, she would give me some sort of sign as to how she truly felt about me, even if that meant using jealousy as a means to get herself to open her heart to me; but as you will soon find out, this plan did not go as straight as I had hoped that it would have done, but more on that later.

"So, by the end of two weeks, Blanche, Eshton, the rest of the company and me made the way to Thornfield. I paid Blanche compliments along the way, and she went on to tell me how thankful she was for my compliments and some of the grand parties she had been to since I had been away from her for so long, and also some of the material that she would be using to make her fine dresses. I didn't care about these things, so I drifted off into my own thoughts, letting my mind wander once more to your mother, and thinking about what she was doing and how she could be thinking about me coming home. I rode slightly harder in my excitement to get back to her, for I hoped that she would be waiting for me with the other servants to welcome me back. My excitement went unnoticed by Eshton, who looked at me in a curious manner, but I didn't care; so delirious was I in love with the one woman I wanted to be with above all others. Besides, I missed her smile, her face, her laugh, her voice; but the thing I missed most of all about your mother were her eyes, which I wanted to fall into and never get tired of falling.

"Anyway, once we had reached Thornfield, I was disappointed to find that your mother was not there with the other servants to welcome me and my guests. When I asked Mrs Fairfax of where your mother was, she informed me that she was with Adele upstairs. I was vexed with your mother for this, so I told Mrs Fairfax to tell her that I wanted her and Adele to be in the drawing room the next evening; and when Mrs Fairfax tried to say that your mother was not used to society, I impatiently brushed this remark away, saying that if she did not come down that I would come for her and fetch her myself.

"The next day passed rather slowly for me, and I was very impatient for evening to arrive so that I could see your dear mother and put the main part of my devious plan in action. As I entered the drawing room that night, I saw your mother behind a curtain in a corner; and as thrilled as I was to see her again and look into her bright eyes, that I couldn't help but notice that within them I saw something that was troubling her, for there seemed to be some pain in those clear orbs of hers.

"Before long, Blanche spoke up about Adele, and before I could stop her and change the subject, Blanche, her mother and some of the others were talking about governesses, insulting your mother and not having a care in the world that she, your mother, Adele's governess and the woman I care about most in the world, was being insulted by those good-for-nothing, snobbish, hard-hearted and rather irritating bunch of people without a care in the world that your mother was there with them: for to insult your mother was to insult me; and I felt such anger boiling under my skin as I tried to keep my face looking as calm and straight as ever. I took another glance at your mother and saw that her eyes had gotten dimmer and had glazed over slightly. Oh, how badly I wanted to rush over to your mother at that moment, take her in my arms, comfort her from the pain she was getting, protect her from harm and never let go of her, no matter what the others thought of me for doing so – but I didn't. I stood there and did nothing."

As I imagined, my children were not impressed or happy by this news that I had just told them.

"Our mother was insulted by those despicable people," Eddie said, breathing heavily, his anger slowly rising, "and you are telling us, Father, that you did _nothing_ to comfort her?!"

"Well, I did try to change the subject –" I began rather flimsily, but Janet then interrupted me.

"That's not good enough, Papa! You have told us that you loved her, yet why did you not stand by her side and defend her like you should have done. Add to that the fact that Mama suffered in silence at some of your guest's cruelty, but also that you have told us to treat servants with respect, for they are people and not objects; and seeing as Mama was a servant at the time, where was the respect you had for her, Father, that she had to suffer, though? Honestly, Papa, out of all the things you have told us so far, this has to be a low, even for you!"

I was surprised by the outburst from my daughter, but I quickly regained my composure and said, "I know. You are both right, of course. But let me make this perfectly clear to the pair of you: I did have respect for your mother, but - " I raised my voice before either of them could interrupt, "- I wished to make your mother jealous of me, and therefore in order to do so, I had to keep the game up, no matter how much it pained me and her. Are you both satisfied now?" I asked my children, looking from one to the other. They both looked at each other slowly for a few moments, before they turned back to me and said simultaneously, "For now". I knew that this would be the best response I got from them, for I was going to get nothing better out of them the more I tried, so I just pressed on with my story.

"After a few minutes of discussing governesses had passed, Blanche then - finally - decided to change the subject, and for once I agreed with her enthusiastically. She had moved to the piano and began to play a Corsair-song. I sang as she played, aiming every word of love - for a love song it was - at your mother, who was listening intently. When I had finished, I looked to the spot where your mother was and saw that she was not there; for just as I had finished, she had snuck out of a side-door, and I knew that if I was quick enough I would be able to catch up with her, and return quickly before anyone started to wonder about where I was. I therefore took my applause and ran out of the room, before Blanche could draw me back into singing another song for her.

"As I stepped out of the drawing-room, I saw your mother tying her sandal before she straightened up and turned to face me. I said good evening to her and asked how she was, to which she replied that she was well; which I knew was a downright lie, but I didn't dare say anything against her.

"I went on to ask her why she had not come and spoken to me in the drawing-room and wished me a good evening, for I was certain that we were past the servant-master part of our relationship by now; and she replied that she did not wish to disturb me as I was engaged in conversation with my guests. I then wished to know her thoughts - and wanted desperately to know whether she had been thinking about me and missing me in me absence, something that would make me think that she loved me and also that I could tell her how I felt about her and not have to be uncertain of myself for how she felt about me. But to my dismay, she only replied that she had been teaching Adele, and had been doing nothing in particular besides. I was vexed by this rather irritating, short reply that she gave me, for it told me nothing of how she felt about me, so I asked her to come back into the drawing-room, for she was quitting me too early; besides, it was her company that I wanted, not Blanche's, but once again to my utter dismay, she declined, saying that she was merely tired. I believed there was more behind these words than your mother was letting on, but I didn't press her for an answer as I saw her eyes starting to brim with tears, for she was hurt; but whether this pain came out of love for me, or that her pride had been hurt by Blanche's cold, cruel words, I knew not.

"Anyway, I told your mother that she was depressed, and when she told me that this wasn't true, I told her that it was because I saw the tears there as clear as those hauntingly beautiful eyes of hers, and those tears now began to fall onto her delicate skin, that I so badly wanted to touch. I said that she was excused for that evening, but I wanted her to be in the drawing room every evening whilst my guests stayed (for I wanted to see if she would reveal her feelings for me). I then sent her to get Sophie - Adele's old nurse - to come and fetch Adele and I bid her goodnight. I caught myself just in time before I said love, or angel, or darling or something of the sort at the end of that sentence and went back inside the drawing-room, for I was unaware of how your mother felt about me, and I knew that it was too soon for me to confess my true feelings for her to her then, anyway."

"You are such a coward, Papa," Eddie said, trying hard not to laugh as Janet silently giggled to herself.

I chuckled and said, "My boy, you are right. I am a coward. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to tell her, but I was scared to how she would react."

"Well, that's just dumb, Papa," Janet said seriously, her giggles having now subsided. Her brother and I looked at her: her brother in wonder agreement at what she had just said, whereas I was curious as to what she was going to say and why she was telling me that it was dumb for me not to tell their mother how I had felt about her all those years ago. Janet took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself before she pressed on with her point: "Well Papa, forgive me for what I say, but isn't love all about taking a risk and a leap of faith? I mean, isn't that why people say it's called "jumping in"? I know you were scared, Papa, but it was wrong of you to keep your feelings for Mama hidden from her that way."

As I looked at my children, I realised that they were right and that I was a fool for treating their mother the way I had, but much had changed since then, so I didn't let it bother me too much and I continued on: "Getting back to the story, though: as I re-joined the party and took a seat next to Blanche, who I let talk to me but paid no attention to her, for my mind was fixed on thoughts of your mother. That night I had expected that she would confess her feelings for me; but somewhere along the lines I had obviously miscalculated, and I knew that I would have to try harder. Clearly, things had not gone the way I had expected them to."

I looked at my children, and was shocked to find that they were both looking at me disbelievingly.

"What is it, my dears? Why are you both looking at me that way?" I asked, confused by their looks.

"Papa, after all this time, are you seriously telling us that you have no idea why Mama never confessed her feelings for you to you, and that you still haven't figured out the one flaw in your plan?" Janet asked.

When I replied that I had not, Janet and Eddie merely groaned and put their heads in their hands, clearly frustrated about the flaw which I had failed to notice. I was sure that they would tell me later though, so I decided to proceed with my story.

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**So that's the end of chapter 8. I hope you enjoyed it, particularly the parts with his children being angry with him for not telling their mother how he felt about her, or that he didn't stand by her because of the Ingrams' words about Jane, or the fact that he kept pestering her when she left the drawing-room. This was something that always irritated me when I read the book, so I thought it would be nice to have a bit of justice done on how cruelly he acted towards Jane. Anyway, I hope I have done this story justice. Another chapter is in the works and will be updated soon. Please R&amp;R. Thanks.**


	9. Chapter 9

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again. Thank you guys so much for all your amazing comments, especially you Bonbonnett, who helped me with the Latmos thing which I was missing from chapter 6. To be honest, I didn't know what that was - I know, I should have done my research beforehand, sue me - but thank you for clearing that up for me. I updated chapter 6 last night and added that bit in, so go and check it out if you don't believe me. Also, I would just like to say for the record, that I am really sorry that this chapter took me longer to upload than the others, but with one thing and another (and all the information that I had to pack into this one), that's why this one was so long in waiting. I also have to say that I was up really, ridiculously late last night with writing this, so I am sorry if this flops a little in your expectations, but it is what it is. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapters 18, 19 and 20 of _Jane Eyre_, and on that note, on with this chapter. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 9 – The Gypsy and Richard Mason's Return

"Many pleasant days proceeded at Thornfield as my guests stayed. There was never a dull moment in the house and there was always a servant passing in the halls and galleries of the house: but I paid very little attention to them, for my thoughts were only focused on one person – your mother, and how on Earth I was going to get your mother to open her heart to me.

"I was disappointed in the days that followed to find that your mother, instead of drawing herself out and coming to speak with me, just like I had hoped, did the complete opposite; she got quieter and her eyes grew dimmer, and she would not leave her corner; and as much as I liked playing the hard-to-get card, I was pained by your mother's lack of trust and faith in me, and I wanted so desperately for her to reveal her sweet, precious heart to me." My children groaned at this, but I ignored them, and pressed on.

"I decided to play a game of charades one night to see what would happen. My guests and I split ourselves into two teams and I tried to get your mother to join mine, but she declined the offer. I knew that I could not persuade her, so I let her go back to her chair.

"I cannot remember much about the game if I am honest with you, my dears," I told my children, "but what I do remember is that mine were all focused around the same topic: marriage. When we had finished and I allowed Dent and his party to go on, I teased Blanche by telling her that she was my wife, for being married in front of witnesses. I chanced a quick glance at your mother, who was watching us through pained eyes. I was getting even more vexed with her now, for I was sure that she would have revealed her heart to me by now; but I wondered why she did not do so, and why she did not do so and why she kept secluding herself and shutting me off from her." My children gave an even louder groan at this, one which I could not ignore, I asked them what it was that I had done wrong and why they were groaning in such a way. Janet and Eddie looked at each other and at me in surprise, before I went on to say that I was there father and that there should be no secrets kept between us, and therefore I had every right to know what was on their minds. So I asked them what the flaw was in my plan., and I told them that I did not mind the harsh words that were bound to insult me, for I was sure that it would open my mind as to where I went wrong.

I was not mistaken, for after a few moments, Janet took a deep, steadying breath and said, "Well Papa, the flaw that you missed is merely the fact that the stations in which Miss Ingram and our mother were placed in society were entirely different back then. Miss Ingram had a family and many connections, was born and accustomed to the ways of society as much as you were, did not have to work for a living and came of a wealthy family; whereas Mama was born with no family and no connections, had had to work hard for a living, was ignorant to the ways of society and had no wealth of which to speak of. Add to that, the fact that Miss Ingram and Mama are both the opposites to each other in the means of outward appearances, then you might now have an understanding of why Mama never opened her heart to you, why she kept herself shut off and secluded from everyone else, and why she knew that even though Miss Ingram would never make you happy, she saw that you two were well suited as far as status in society went and that Mama was but a mere servant in your house at the time, that to interfere as such would be to abuse the position in which she was in," Janet finished in a hasty breath, with Eddie nodding his head in agreement at his sister's words.

I was shocked as I heard this and I inwardly cursed myself for not seeing that when and indeed before I held that party. I also cursed myself for my low, stupid mind, taking me this long to figure it out and to see that my daughter's words were true; that that was the point I had missed when I made my plan to make your mother jealous, in order to make her fall in love with me. I was a fool for not seeing this before, and if I had done so back then, I would not have gone to such lengths and would instead have tried to do what Janet had suggested earlier: to take the leap of faith and see what would have happened. I told my children how grateful I was to them for opening up my eyes to the truth. They both brushed off my comments of foolishness with impatience and asked me to proceed with my tale.

I smiled at their eagerness before I went on: "Well, I was still eager to know of what your mother thought of me. I knew that she cared about me, but I did not know how deep this affection for me went, so I decided to put my acting skills to good use once more and decided to play the part of an old gypsy woman.

"I told a servant that I only wished to see the ladies that were single – for reasons that are self-explanatory enough that I feel no need to explain my reasoning as to why I did that – and so I waited in the library for them to come to my presence. Blanche was the first to arrive as I expected. We spent fifteen minutes together, where I proceeded to "tell" her of her supposed fortune. I told her that my fortune was not one third of what she had originally anticipated, that she was not worthy of mine or any man's love and that my heart was already taken by another's. She was shocked, of course, to all of these announcements, and to my immense joy – it took all I could not to laugh outwardly at her – she got angry with me, shrugging off the money (for even though I knew this was what bothered her the most, she chose to ignore it, letting her pride take over her emotions yet again), and demanded me to tell her of who had won my heart if not she, for she had not seen my eye drawn to another's as she thought mine was to hers. I told her that her heart, which was as harsh and cold as winter frosts, would not be worthy of any man's love as long as she kept up such notions as pride and greed within it and took notice to some of the more natural beauties which lay beyond those of the material ones; and as to the other woman, I told Blanche that it was not my place to say, for I did not want her to know that it was your mother who had stolen my heart (for I could only imagine the look of horror on your mother's face as she was abused, humiliated and hurt by Blanche's cold, cruel and rather hurt words), and went on to tell her that if she chose to look past my ugly demeanour, she would have seen that there was no love there for her at all. She got up and stormed out on me at that point, displeased and hurt by what I had told her."

"She certainly deserved to hear it, though," Eddie said with a chuckle, as his sister giggled beside him.

I laughed myself and said, "She certainly did, my boy. I have to admit that I remembered that I had laughed as I heard Blanche's footsteps retreat down the corridor; for even though Blanche did not know that it was me beneath the old crone's costume, I delighted myself in finally hearing what Blanche actually thought about me, finally giving myself an excuse to hear what Blanche thought about me, and to tell her what I thought about her, and to also get the chance to be angry at her for how she treated your mother the night Blanche first met her.

"Anyway, Mary Ingram and Louisa and Amy Eshton were next in the room. I will not trouble you with the details, my dears, for a long and dull twenty minutes I had to get through with those silly and stupid girls, before I had had enough of them and sent them back. And then came the person I wanted to see the most: your mother, who as you know has a quick eye and mind as I told her that night. She doubted the gypsy's gifts as do I, because we both think that they are conartists, who are willing to tell passing travellers anything they wish to hear, just to make themselves richer in the process."

"What did you tell Mama when you saw her, Papa?" Janet asked me.

"Well, my daughter," I replied, "I will try to keep this as short as possible, for many years have passed since then, and seeing as I have been talking for quite a long time now, my mind might have missed out on a few minor details (amazing isn't it that I can remember so much about my meeting with Bertha and the stuff about the mistresses, and yet I can't really remember the talk of the gypsy. Mind you, saying that, we did talk a lot during that time in the library that night).

"Anyway, one of the things I distinctly remember about her from that night is that she trembled. I told her that she was cold, pale and silly. She told me to prove it, which I did with these very words: I told her that she was cold because she was alone; she was pale because love was kept away from her and she was silly because she suffered in silence because she did not open her heart to anyone, and I wanted so desperately to be able to tell her that she could do so with me and that I would never allow her to be cold again, but I knew that I would have to keep up the role of the gypsy for a while longer.

"Your mother mistrusted me, I can tell you that. Some words will bore you, my dears, but what I will tell you is that I told your mother that happiness was close at hand to her, if she would be brave enough to stretch out her hand and reach for mine, for she could – and eventually would – find happiness with me, but I decided telling her against that for the time being, as it was still too early for me to confess my feelings for her.

"I remember that I started to study one of her hands, and how much I wanted to kiss it, but after a while I pushed it away, saying that it was too fine. From what I can remember, my name was mentioned: this was started by me asking her if there was not one face, or maybe two, that she studied most often out of all of them. My guests of course had discussed mine and Blanche's supposed marriage, which your mother stated, and when I inquired further into how she felt about this, she told me that she did not care about it, which vexed me greatly. I therefore decided to push my inquiries further, saying that Blanche sat by my side and talked to me and smiled at me rather lavishly. She asked me what gentlemen that was with whom Miss Ingram conversed (for remember, I was disguised as a gypsy at the time), and I told her that she knew and that she thought well of. I thought I could detect a glimpse of jealousy through her anger, but I couldn't be too sure, so I pressed on with my investigation. She told me she didn't know any of the gentlemen here, she said that she did not know any, and when my name was mentioned, I learnt that she had been analysing me and that she had seen no looks of gratitude spring forth from my eyes when I conversed with the different tongues of my guests. She had as good as confessed to me that she found me handsome, for only those with the willing eyes of love would be able to see me as such. Anyway, I asked her whether she had seen me happy with Blanche, which of course she replied in the negative. I asked what she had seen, but got nothing out of this, as she told me that she came to inquire and not confess, which vexed me slightly, but I did not press too much into this. I began to tell her of Miss Ingram and myself, but she interrupted me, saying that it was her fortune she wanted told and not my own. I told her to kneel before me, which she of course obliged to do so. I loved every inch of her face, and was willing to gaze at it all night, especially those deep, mesmerising eyes, that had me deeply trapped within her spell. Speaking of her eyes, those were the things I started off with before I moved to her mouth, then her brow and finishing off with her forehead. I told your mother of what I had known from watching her move them, and what each expressed to me. What I said, I cannot remember, but what I do know is that I was getting tired with the charade by this point; so I changed my voice from the old crone's to that of my own deep tones, and told her to rise up for the game was played out.

"I revealed myself to her at last, first with my voice and then with me taking off the garments of the gypsy. Your mother told me that it was a strange idea, and when I told her that it was well carried out and if she thought so, she told me that I had managed well with the others, but not with her. Your mother told me that I did not play the role of a gypsy, but rather that of some unaccountable one, in order for me to draw her out and make her talk nonsense because I was talking nonsense, I asked if she would forgive me, to which she teased me by saying that she would have to think about it.

"I noticed that she had become quiet and that her thoughts were fixed on the demon in the tower (for Grace Poole had come into our conversation, too, but I'm pretty sure that that point is of no interest to you), but I did not wish your mother to be troubled with such dark thoughts as I was; so I asked her what she was thinking about, and she told me that she was self-congratulating herself and asked if she could leave me; but seeing as I did not want to give up her company so soon – for it was the first time in weeks that we had been alone in each other's company – I asked her to stay and tell me of what they were doing. Your mother told me that she thought that they were discussing the gypsy, before she went on to tell me that a stranger had come. I asked for their name – although I already knew who it was – and was told that it was none other than Richard Mason himself, the old devil."

"Bertha's brother?" Eddie asked me. "But why would he turn up so unexpectedly like that?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, my son, but I knew that he was there to see his sister. Anyway, I must have turned pale, because your mother looked at me and asked me sincerely whether I was ill. When I told her that I had a blow and that I was trembling, she once again offered me her arm and I gladly took it, her strength giving me some when I had none. I sat down in the chair in which she had occupied just minutes beforehand, and she sat down beside me. Your mother's presence calmed and comforted me. Nothing can comfort and calm me like your mother can, you know. I took one of her hands in mine and told her that I wished that I was on a desert island with your mother alone, where all thoughts of trouble and torment and all worries and fears were behind me, for she was the only woman who I wanted to be with; and with those words, I sincerely hoped that she would know that. She told me then that she wanted to help me and that she would give her life to serve me. I promised her that if I needed aid of any kind, and would look to it from her hands alone. She thanked me and asked me what she wanted done for me; so I told her to go to the dining room and fetch me a glass of wine, for the company were at dinner, and your mother would be able to tell me what they were doing.

"Oh, of all the times Richard Mason had to show up, that was the worst: not only when I had guests, but also I had finally found the one and seemed on the brink of true happiness at last, when he had to show up and ruin everything. Anyway, when your mother returned to me, I had resumed my stern pallor and took the glass of wine from her hand, toasting her good health as I did so. I had learnt from your mother that my guests were all talking and laughing jovially, and that they were full of jests and gaiety, including Mason, which came as a little bit of relief, for it meant that he had not said anything to anyone … _yet_. One of the questions I then asked your mother was if those people looked at me in disgust and would walk out on me, I asked what your mother would do; and she told me that she would push them out of the room and that she would stay by my side to comfort me as best she could, despite what others thought, for she did not care for what they thought of her, only me. I felt my love and respect for her increase then and told her to find Richard Mason, told her to tell him that I was in the library and wished to speak to him, bring him to where I was and then leave us.

"Mason and I discussed Bertha at long length that night, but I'm not going to tell you of those details, my dears, because there is not really much to tell, apart from the fact that she had got worse and worse and the years passed. He said that he wished to speak with her that very night, but I refused to let him do so, saying that he should wait until morning if he wanted to speak to her properly and have me there by his side just in case; for when around Bertha, I was always on my guard, and told him to do the same. Anyway, he told me that he would not rest until he saw her before the sun rose the next morn, and after a few minutes of arguing had passed between us, he reluctantly agreed with me, saying that he would wait until the next day to see her. I then showed Mason to his room, bid him goodnight and retired to my chamber, which was the only place I could find comfort, besides being in your mother's company, of course. I wanted to be in her presence that night; to do nothing but talk and let her sweet voice reassure me that all would be well; but I was scared that if I told her of Bertha, she would leave me, and I did not want that to happen. But even as I surrounded myself with these thoughts, I knew that it was going to be a very long night for me to get through."

"What makes you say that, Papa?" Janet asked.

"I say that, Janet, because as we were all sleeping peacefully in our beds that night - myself included, surprisingly enough - there suddenly came three cries of "Help! Help! Help!" which woke me up, and practically everyone else who had been sleeping on that floor. But anyway, that cry was then followed by another: "Will no one come!" I knew what had happened, of course: Richard Mason had ignored what I had said to him about waiting until morning to go and speak to Bertha, and decided to take a chance to see if he could talk to her reasonably, which was of course impossible because of the way Bertha was; and as a result, Bertha attacked her brother."

"Well, that was a stupid idea of his, thinking that he could talk to such a woman reasonably, when her mind was disfigured by her madness!" Eddie said indignantly.

"Indeed it was, my son. But getting back to the point, I was wide awake by now, so I quickly jumped out of bed and dressed just as quickly; and just as I had put my coat on, I heard Richard cry again: "Rochester! Rochester! For God's sake, come!" I opened my chamber door and dashed to the third-storey as quickly as I could. I unlocked the door, crossed the outer room of the third-storey and entered the inner one, where Grace was restraining Bertha, who was writhing and snarling like a wild animal as she was trying to escape from her captor's arms so that she could do some more damage to her brother, who lay on the floor, with his arm cut by a knife. But that was not the only wound he got, oh no; for on his shoulder there was a wound which had been made by his own sister's teeth."

"She bit him?!" Eddie said in shock.

"Oh my! How awful!" Janet said, covering her hands over her mouth.

"I know it's horrible, my lamb," I told her comfortingly, "but this is how it happened, after all. As I was saying, Grace was restraining Bertha, so I managed to haul Mason up as best I could before half-dragging him onto the bed in the outer room, closing the door on the inner one afterwards and locking it. I then went back downstairs to where my guests were and told them that the house had to be settled, for there was nothing that much to fear; just that a servant had had a nightmare, and the house had to be settled before they could be seen to properly. Once my guests were back in their rooms, I went to your mother's door - for she was the only one I could turn to at such a time - and told her to come with me, to take her time and be as quiet as she should. I then asked her when we got outside the door where Richard was if she had a sponge and smelling salts, to which she replied that she had both. I instructed her to get them and return to me with them, which she did. I then asked her whether she fainted at the sight of blood, to which she replied that she did not then know, seeing as she had never tried before. I then took hold of one of your mother's hands, for it would not do to have her faint that night; and when I affirmed that they were warm and steady, I unlocked the door again and we entered.

"I told your mother to stay close by the door as I went across to the inner room, unlocked the door to it, opened it and told Grace that someone was here to attend to her brother and that she did not know of her charge, and thus I warned her to keep her charge as quiet as she could. Grace nodded in understand as I went back into the outer room, locking the door to the inner room and turning to face your mother, who was looking as calm as she possibly could under the circumstances that she was in. That is so like your mother: to be brave and strong when trouble and danger is near. That strength I admire within her so much, but once again, I am getting off topic. Anyway, I showed your mother how to wipe the blood off the wounds, to apply the smelling salts when he needed them and I also told her to give him water when he wanted it. I then instructed her to not speak to him for any reason, and instructed him to do the same thing; for if he were to have told your mother about Bertha and my marriage to her that night, I would never have forgiven him and would have done something which I would have regretted later. Anyway, I then left your mother and Mason alone together, before reminded your mother and Mason about having no conversation, and then shut the door and locked it. I know it was terrible of me to leave your mother alone like that with the demon mere feet away from her; but Mason needed a doctor, so what choice did I have?

"Anyway, as soon as I got out of there, I raced down to the stables and got my horse bridled up, and thence rode off to Carter's place, just beyond the boundaries of Millcote. I knocked on the door and was answered by Carter's apprentice. I told him to wake his master before he could bid me good morning, before I went on to say that I also needed his post-chaise to be prepared as it was important. The boy, who knew me and a little bit about my situation from Carter, just nodded his head a few times before hurrying back inside and rushing to wake up Carter before rushing to wake the stable boys and tell them to make haste with the post-chaise.

"After a few anxious minutes of me waiting for Carter had passed, I saw the man himself appear at last. He knew it had something to do with Bertha and didn't press me for many details, so he just simply hopped into the carriage as I got back on my horse and made our way to Thornfield.

"I was relieved to come back to Thornfield and even more so to see your mother after I unlocked the door, who was still attending to Mason in the exact same spot I had left her, completely safe. I wanted to rush over to her at the moment, lift her off the ground, spin her around and plant her little face with kisses, but unfortunately there were more important things to be getting along with. After I had let some light in the room, Mason told me that he was done for, but I quickly brushed this off, saying that it was just a mere scratch he had received and after a while, he then told me that he had not expected Bertha to jump on him like she had, for she had seemed so quiet to him at first glance. I had tried to warn him, as I had told him mere hours beforehand, but he didn't listen to me. He then went on to say that she had sucked his blood, and I shuddered involuntarily at this as expressions of disgust, horror and hatred passed over my countenance; but then I remembered that your mother was in the room, and since I did not want her to know about my terrible secret, I tried to keep him quiet. He told me that it was going to be impossible for him to forget such a night as that one, which I know for a fact was true; but I tried to give him courage by saying that he would be fine by the time he got back to Spanish Town.

"I then turned my attentions back to your mother, who I instructed first to get a shirt and neck-handkerchief from my room; then to fetch Mason's coat from his room (once I had gotten him red-up and looking decent enough), and finally to collect a little phial and a little glass from my room, which she did brilliantly. I then instructed your mother to pour some water into the glass and then to wet the phial, which she did. I then measured out twelve drops of a crimson liquid (something I had got from a charlatan who I had run across in Italy) and instructed Mason to drink it, which he did, after a while of wallowing away in self-pity. Then Carter helped him to stand after about three minutes after he had taken the medicine, and he said that he was feeling better. I had learnt from your mother in the interim that the house was still, so we should be able to get Mason out nicely; but still, it was best to proceed with caution: so I told your mother to make her way to the backstairs, unbolt the side-passage door and tell the driver of the post-chaise - who I had instructed to stay in the yard - for it would not do to have any of my guests see what had happened to Mason, for they would start to question me, and they would eventually find out about Bertha - to be ready for us. I then told her that if anyone was about that she should go to the foot of the stairs and hem.

"Carter and I both supported Mason as well as we could and led him out of the house and into the carriage. I asked him how he was once inside it, and he told me that the air revived him, which I knew it would. He told me to let Bertha well cared for and to be treated as tenderly as may be; to which I replied that I will do what I could, the same as I always had done. Then the carriage was on its way and I wanted so badly for an end to that accursed, wretched life right there and then at that moment.

"I heard your mother's footsteps turn from mine as I entered the orchard, and seeing that I wanted to spend some time with the only woman I had ever truly loved, for I had missed our talks greatly, and to comfort her as she would me; so I called her back, saying as I did so that she should join me where there was freshness, compared to the house which was a dungeon. When I asked her whether she thought so too about the house, she told me that it was a splendid mansion, which, before Bertha came into my life, I supposed it had been; but after that demon entered my life, it had changed from a heavenly place into a house that was clearly meant to be in hell. Your mother and I then strayed onto a walk where apple and cherry trees lay on one side and a wide variety of different flowers and herbs were growing; and there in that walk was true freshness, whose purity and beauty were only intensified by the purity and beauty of your mother, who was as delicate as a flower petal, and yet was as beautiful as the finest rose known to man.

"Speaking of roses, I remember that I asked your mother whether she would like one, knowing as I did that only those in love as I was - and still am - with someone like your mother, would be able to pass such a gift and have it reciprocated in words of gratitude that only those of a lover's tongue could form. She thanked me in her own way at this. I could see that she was as comfortable with me as I was with her, which she had every right to be, and for a few moments we talked about what a strange night your mother had passed, of Grace Poole and of Mason. She looked puzzled at what I was going on about at one point concerning Mason - I think it was to do with the fact that she was trying to tell me to tell him to not say anything that could harm me, or something of the sort, anyway - and I went on to puzzle her further. I asked if she was my friend (that word I scorned, because I knew that what I felt for her was far more powerful than that of friendship), which she affirmed that she was, and that she would do whatever she could to serve and obey me in all that is right.

"I affirmed that she did like to serve and obey me in _"all that is right"_ as she put it; for if I asked your mother to do something wrong, I knew that she wouldn't do so, my dears; for she would think for herself, and what she termed as right or wrong would completely overbalance my actions, that I knew. Her sense of reasoning quipped with wisdom would compel her to do so. I then asked her to sit beside me, for I wanted her to be very near me, to be able to gaze upon her face freely for a few moments, and to stare into those lovely eyes of hers, not caring about the rest of the world as I looked into them. I thought again about how I would love to touch and caress her face, and feel her soft, sweet lips of hers move against mine, whilst imagining the words of such pure love and adoration for me pour forth from them, with meaning in single word she spoke from her precious heart.

"Anyway, when she decided to sit down by my side after a little bit of hesitation, I decided to put my case to her in a non-too direct fashion, asking her to first imagine herself as a young boy in a foreign land, who committed a mistake which followed him (for I was talking as if this had happened to one of my friends and not to myself at the time) throughout his life, blighting his existence and quenching his hope and a chance to find true happiness. No matter where he went, this mistake would follow him and make him miserable, no matter the pleasure he betook to distract himself from it. Then I told your mother that years later he came home, heart-weary and soul-withered, and there he met a gentle stranger, whose society revived him, for all the things he had been searching for twenty long years lay within her, which are all fresh and healthy, without soil and without taint. I then went on to say to your mother that he felt better days come back to him, with higher wishes and purer feelings. I then finished by asking your mother whether this man - who is me, remember - was justified enough in overleaping an obstacle of custom, a mere conventional impediment, which neither conscience sanctified, nor judgement approved of.

"I let this sink in to your mother's mind for a few moments, my dears, before I continued, asking whether the wandering and sinful, but now rest-seeking and repentant man was justified in daring the world's opinion in order to attach to him for ever this gentle, genial stranger, thereby securing his own peace of mind and regeneration of life. She did not know that I was, of course, speaking of myself, but seeing as she is a religious woman as we know, she told me to tell my friend to look to someone higher than his friends for forgiveness.

"I turned desperate at these words, for I was not getting the answer that I wanted to hear from her: whether or not she agreed with me, and if she had done as such, I would have confessed how I felt for her in an instant, would have poured my heart at her feet and asked her to be mine; but seeing as she didn't, I went on to say that it was myself whom I was speaking of, and that I had been a worldly, dissipated, restless man, and before I could reveal to your mother that she was the instrument for my cure, I stopped myself from telling her the truth."

My children were disgruntled at this, as I knew they would be. "Why didn't you tell her, Papa?" Eddie asked, as Janet just shook her head and groaned.

"I didn't tell her my lad, because even though I had gotten signs of how your mother felt about me from the woman herself, I still did not know whether she cared as deeply for me as I did for her. Besides, I was scared of how your mother would react: whether she would laugh with scorn or cry with happiness at my words. So instead, I went on to ask her about Miss Ingram, seeing as I knew that your mother had watched us, and asked her that if I would marry Blanche, did she think that that noble woman would regenerate me with a vengeance, which I knew she would not as did your mother, who vexed me even more by saying nothing, even though I saw her eyes going dimmer as soon as I had mentioned Blanche. I got up and walked towards the end of the walk with frustration renting through me, before I turned back and walked towards the place where your mother was, who was looking paler by what I had just told her, which gave me some hope as to how strong her feelings for me could possibly be.

"I told her then that she was pale and asked your mother whether she cursed me for disturbing her from her rest, which caused her to reply in the negative, which I knew that she wouldn't curse me. I then asked to shake her hand, whose fingers had gone colder since the last time I had touched them, despite the warmth that was flooding through me as I touched her. Anyway, I asked her if she would be content to sit with me again, to which she replied that she would do so whenever she could be useful. I told her that I would want her to sit up with me the night before my wedding, as it was her company I desired to have, not just for that night, but for the rest of our lives, too. I then teased her about Miss Ingram, saying that she was a _"rare one_" - I inwardly cursed myself at these words - before I spotted Dent and Lynn in the stables, and asked your mother to go in by the shrubbery, through a wicket, which she did.

"When I was left alone with my thoughts after telling Dent and Lynn that I had been up ahead of them to see Mason off, my thoughts resumed back to your mother, and I thought about all I had learnt from her about her feelings for me within the past few hours. But as much as I knew of her feelings, I still did not know how deeply she cared for me; whether or not she loved me as I loved her. Once again, I was driving myself mad with these thoughts, and I knew right then that if I wanted to know for sure what was in her heart for me, that I would have to come out as clearly as I could about it, but not _too_ clearly."

"And did you?" Janet piqued up eagerly.

"I laughed at her eagerness and said, "All in good time, Janet. All in good time."

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**And so, dear readers, that was chapter 9. Chapter 10 will include the proposal, which I don't know about you, but to me that chapter is the best one in the whole damn book; but don't worry, the proposal will not be the only thing that I will include in chapter 10, for I am trying to keep in chronological order with the book after he met Jane, so please do not bite my head off for it when you are reviewing. This is just a statement not a complaint, just so you know.. Please don't forget to R&amp;R, and while you are doing your R&amp;Rs, could you please tell me how you think I am doing with the writing of this thing so far, and not just on your favourite words or phrases or things that need adding, although they're great too. See you next time, then. **


	10. Chapter 10

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey everyone. K.J.A here again. This chapter was long and hard to write, but I finally got there in the end. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update this, but I had a few problems again today. Excerpts for this chapter are from Chapters 21, 22 and 23 of _Jane Eyre_. But before I go on, I would like to leave a message to Bonbonnett and any other haters of mine, who will read this in the future, and leave you a message.**

**Bonbonnett, if you have looked at this story from chapter 6 onwards, you will have spotted that I have tried to keep the events in close occurrence to the ones that happen in _Jane Eyre_, if that makes sense. After all, if I was to step out of line with the events as they happened in the _Jane Eyre_, not only would I be being unfair to my readers for my twist on this classic tale, but I must also ask of you why are you still reading this. Riddle me that, cats. Oh, and F.Y.I., my story, my rules. Just because I haven't mentioned some stuff yet, doesn't mean that I won't. So if you hate me for some of the stuff that I have written, tough luck, people. So I highly suggest that you deal with it, get over it and move on, like everyone else should do. Oh, and one last thing, Bonbonnett: just because I say that one thing will be mentioned in a chapter, that does not mean to say that I will not be mentioning other things as I go along. From now on, I highly recommend that you always bear that in mind. I mean no offense by this, I am merely just making a point. And now that all is said and done here, on with this chapter. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 10 – A Farewell, a Homecoming and a Proposal

"And so to continue, my dears," I pressed on, "after I had been lost in my thoughts for some time, I went to join my guests in the billiards room, where Blanche challenged me to a game or two. I agreed, and after the first frame had passed, I felt a strange presence that only a lover could feel; for it was an electric buzz that came so suddenly out of nowhere, that I was sure that it was your mother who had entered, even before Blanche asked me: "Does that creeping creature want you?" It was only then that I did turn around and saw her. I studied her curiously for a few moments, and after considering that she was not there to confess her feelings for me, I followed her out of the room, closing the door behind me, my curiosity heightened, for I did not expect to see her until that evening, and I knew your mother well enough by now to know that she would not be coming to me in the middle of the day to ask for me without a good reason.

"So I asked her about why she wanted to see me and she told me that she wanted me to give her leave for a week or two to see a sick lady who wished to see her. I asked her what sick lady and where she lived as I felt every nerve of my body screaming at me, telling me to stop her from leaving, as I felt my recently renewed, loving, beating heart start to crack, with icicles starting to form at the centre; but I kept all of this to myself and she told me that the sick lady was a Mrs Reed in –shire. I had heard that name come up a few years back and asked your mother what she had to do with the old magistrate's widow, and she told me that Mrs Reed was her aunt –"

"Aunt!" Eddie and Janet exclaimed, looking at each other in shock: me and their mother had never told them of this, and for good reason.

"Yes, my dears, she was your mother's aunt. Your mother told me after we were married, for I was curious to know the full story, and she told me that her aunt hated your mother's mother, and thus hated your mother. Her (your mother's) uncle sent for her as soon as her parents had died, and when Mr Reed was on his deathbed, he sent for your mother, rather than his own children. After he had died, your mother spent years of abuse at the hands of her cruel aunt and cousins, until one day, when your mother was ten, she stood up to her aunt and was sent off to Lowood, and, well, you know the rest."

"Poor Mama!" Janet sighed, stifling a small sob.

"I know it's horrible, my dears, but that's what happened to her. Your mother and I have not told you of this before now because she does not like to speak or think of those days, for so much has changed in her life, as well as in mine. Anyway, when I learnt that Mrs Reed was your mother's aunt, I thought that your mother was lying to me, seeing as she had not told me this at our first meeting; and I told her that she had told me that she had no relatives of which to speak, to which your mother replied that she had none who would own her, and I then learnt that Mrs Reed had cast your mother off because she was poor and burdensome to her aunt, who disliked her (dislike being a light word for hate, if I don't say so myself). Anger grew within me then towards her aunt for acting that way towards the child. I then felt that she could do no good towards a woman who had brought your mother such pain as a child, and when I told your mother so, and that her children – John, Eliza and Georgianna Reed – could tend to her in your mother's place, she told me that circumstances had changed since then; for John Reed had committed suicide, had gotten into bad company and had squandered his fortune. I saw that your mother was resolved to go, her sense of right and wrong once again compelling her to do the former, and therefore I knew that it would be useless arguing against her; so I asked her to promise me that she would not stay long as I inwardly groaned in agony, for I could not live without her. She said that she would stay as long as she was needed, and seeing as I was not going to get a better response out of her than that, I turned the topic onto the subject of money (for she would need funds for her journey), and I gave her a fifty pound note."

"You were going to give her that much?" Eddie asked, shocked that I would off her such a sum.

"Surely she said no!" Janet said, the look on her face clearly expressing her hopes that her mother had said no.

I chuckled softly at my daughter's words and said, "Of course your mother said no, Janet. Once again, your mother's sense of what is right and what is wrong came into effect, and after we had spent a few minutes arguing about it, I put the note back in my pocket book, and pulled out a ten pound note instead. She then told me that I owed her, and I replied that she should come back for it when she was ready, for I was her banker. She then brought up the matter of business of my marriage, and that Adele should be sent off to school and that your mother should be placed in a new situation before my bride crossed over the threshold. I agreed readily at the Adele part, but as to your mother leaving me, that would never do; so I asked her to give me the money back to stop her from leaving; but she sneakily put it behind her back, saying that she had a need for it. I knew that she had to go, so I asked her not to advertise and to allow me to find her a new post, which she said she would agree to, if I in turn would find a school for Adele. I told her that I would and then I asked her to teach me how to bid her goodbye, – for I had not done that before with anyone – seeing as she was leaving me for a little while, and she told me that instead of goodbye, people say farewell, or something of the sort. I told her that saying farewell was very cool, and as much as I wanted to shake your mother's hand, I felt that would not do well enough for me, either; so instead I took to surveying your mother's face, every line of it, saving her eyes for last, so that I could have it implanted in my memory, which would haunt my dreams again when she was gone. Anyway, I took to beholding her until the dinner bell rang, and then I dashed off before your mother could see the pain in my eyes, as the ice spread in my heart.

"I heard your mother packing that night, and as I was about to knock on her door, I withdrew my hand quickly. To be honest with you, my dears, I did not know what I was going to say, only that I wanted to see your mother's face one last time before she left. I remember that I slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning, nightmares of your mother not coming back to me already were there, and she hadn't even left yet. I watched her leave Thornfield early the next morning, secretly watching her from behind a partly-closed curtain, and as she left, I felt the ice that had started to close my heart the night before, fully close around it now, its spikes hitting me hard and bitterly as they did. I knew that your mother would come back to me within a matter of weeks, but it still did not stop the pain I felt of her leaving me.

"That day, I became more distant from my guests: ignoring everyone, doing practically nothing and becoming rude to anyone who dared speak to me, guest or servant, I didn't care. Blanche, who I was now getting tired of – for now that your mother was gone, there was no need for me to play the jealousy card anymore – tried to get me to ride with her, smiling her flirtatious smile at me as she did, which I ignored, for quite a few times until I became rude with her, telling her that I wanted nothing to do with her. She was shocked at the sudden change in my behaviour, and walked off in a huff. I was becoming unreasonable with everyone, for all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts of your mother. I thought that no one had noticed the reason for my recently changed behaviour from the gracious host that I was the night before, to the now rude and depressed master of the house; but I was not counting on one person of seeing into my troubled mind.

"I am, of course, speaking of my good friend Eshton, who, seeing as he is a scientist, it made perfect sense that he suggested that we should take a walk in the garden that day, in order to put new light into his recent discoveries. I was in no mood for being the host anymore, and when I told him as much, he told me that he knew why I was acting in such a way. I was shocked because I thought that no one had known of my aching heart (which I was secretly glad of), but I then remembered that Eshton had known me since our schooldays, like I have told you, and that he knew that it was not Blanche who had got me to act in such a way, and knew that it was your mother who did, for he had noticed my affection for her growing every day: he went on to tell me that he had watched your mother as closely as I had over the past few weeks, and went on to say that whenever I entered the room, your mother's face would light up, and that she was delighted to be in my presence, despite the other people there. He then told me that your mother loved me with all of her precious heart, and I felt my hopes rise at this, but I did not let them rise too much, for I would have to wait until she came back to me to uncover the truth. I then thanked Eshton for telling me what he knew, and together we entered the house. I was feeling happier than I had since the previous day, and I became involved with the conversation at dinner that night. My guests were shocked at my sudden pleasure at getting involved after my recent surliness, but they quickly got used to it and carried on as normal.

"Lady Ingram, who was once again trying to lure me into the subject of marriage with her daughter – which I was now getting sick of as I wanted done with her – and she proceeded this way for about five minutes before I told her that I gave them, as well as the rest of the party, permission to leave by the end of the week. Everyone looked shocked at this at first (apart from Eshton, of course), but in the end, they all did. The Ingrams were the first to leave looking rather coldly at me (I had asked Eshton the night before they left to tell Blanche and her mother that I had lost half of my fortune in the Continent sometime during the past year; and when I revealed myself to them, they demanded me to tell them that it wasn't true, which I said that it was, and to my relief they believed me) as they got into their carriage; and that was the last time I saw them, for which I am grateful of. They were followed by the Dent's and the Lynn's, and finally the Eshton's. Eshton himself told me that he wished me luck and happiness to your mother and I, and that when we were wed, we were more than welcome to join him and his family at his place, for he wished to get to know your mother better. I thanked him for his wishes and for his offer, before we parted on good terms as always.

"I waited patiently for your mother to return to me at first my dears, but as one week passed and then another, I began to get worried that your mother had broken her promise to me and had found herself a new position, and left me without a word; and whenever this argument came up, I reasoned with myself that your mother would never do such a thing to me. Each day, I began to ask Mrs Fairfax whether a letter from your mother had come to us to tell us of her return, but each day she told me that none had come. I was starting to get disappointed that no word had come from your mother, and I began to get desperate for her to return to me as quickly as she could.

"To distract myself from these thoughts, I decided to go into London to order a new carriage, hoping as I did so that your mother would be back at Thornfield by the time I returned, but to my dismay, she did not; so I then set about obtaining a marriage license and booked the church for the wedding –"

"Hold on, Papa," Janet interrupted me. "Are you actually telling us that you were thinking of marrying Mama when you were already married?" I looked at my children in shock, for I thought that they would have at least have understood this point; and when I nodded my head, Janet gasped and Eddie looked as shocked as his sister did. I was about to explain myself, when a thought suddenly hit me.

"Hang on," I said to my children suddenly, making Janet and Eddie jump. "Are you telling me that it has taken you this long to figure out what my intentions were with your mother, despite all the stuff I have told you about Blanche?" I asked them incredulously.

Janet and Eddie looked at each other for a few moments, as if they were trying to decide what to tell me, until Janet looked at me and said, "We're sorry it's taken us this long to figure it out, Papa. It's just that we thought that you were only mentioning marriage with Miss Ingram, that we had no idea that you actually wanted to marry Mama when you were still married. We thought it was all part of the game, you see. Well, that and the fact that we were so caught up in the story, and want to know how you and Mama came to be where you are now, that we overlooked it as a little thing," she finished, looking at me with pleading eyes as Eddie simply nodded at what his sister said. I tried to see this through my children's eyes, and I could see what they were going on about, in a matter of speaking. After I had given this some thought, Eddie asked me about why his sister and himself were sitting there before me now if I could not marry your mother when Bertha was still living. I told him that he would have to be patient and that he and Janet would both know why in time.

"Anyway," I then went on, "after I had booked the church, I then took to trying to distract myself by either spending my time in the garden, or riding on my horse, but to no avail; because my dears, it did not matter whether I was indoors or out of them, everywhere I looked and everything I read always reminded me of your mother somehow. And at night, I had such dreams; a few nightmares here and there, of course, but nine times out of ten, I would dream pleasantly about her, which would always start off with us being together, telling each other how we felt, which then led to kissing and so on.

"Anyway, another two weeks had passed, and there was never a more truer saying that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", for mine had grown fonder of your mother every day since she had been away from me, despite the icicles which were placed in my heart; for I took to thinking, day by day, how long it would be before she came back to me; for I missed her terribly, and was filled with a longing to see her once more, which was so painful that it hurt for me to breathe almost – and I didn't have long to wait either; for I remember that I was sitting on a stile with a book and pencil in hand (at the end of the month, for a month it had been since your mother had left me), writing about Bertha and thinking of better times that were sure to come thanks to your mother, when suddenly, I felt a change of energy in the air. I looked up and saw your mother walking towards me; and as she did so, the ice that had been surrounding my heart started to melt, as my joy at beholding your mother once more sprang gladly in my heart. I wanted to run to her, to hold her in my arms and never let her go, but I knew that this would have to wait for another time. Anyway, as she approached me, I thought I saw a bright gleam in her eyes, but the next second, that light was gone, covered by a veil, so it seemed. I didn't pressure her into telling me as to why this was, so I put my book and pencil away, and asked her what she had been doing with herself for the past month. She told me that she had been with her aunt, who was dead. I teased her more, saying that she came from the realm where the spirits of the deceased were, and that if I touched her she would vanish just as surely as she came. I called her a truant, teasing her from staying away from me for so long, and I finished by saying that I was sure that she had forgotten me quite in the process, which I knew she hadn't, but I was merely teasing with her.

"I knew I had said too much, but I couldn't help it, for I loved and missed her greatly, and not a day went by when she was away from me that I had not thought about her; and now that I beheld her form once more and saw once again the sweet smile that played on her lips, and beheld the light that shone from her eyes, I couldn't help myself. I didn't want her to leave me just yet, and seeing as she was not in a position to move either, we just stared at each other for a few moments, each of us clearly overjoyed in beholding the other again and enjoying at being close to one another again, before she asked me about the carriage, which she told me that she had heard about from Mrs Fairfax, in a letter, which the old woman had written to her. I told her that she would have to see it with her own eyes and teased your mother yet again, by asking her whether or not she could give me a potion that could make me handsome. I ignored her outward response of "It would be beyond the power of magic, sir", but instead I focused on her inward reply, for her eyes seemed to say: "A loving eye was is all the charm needed: to such you are handsome enough; or rather, your sternness has a power beyond beauty". I smiled my warmest, truest smile as I read what her eyes – those pure, beautiful portals to her soul – told me, before I stood aside, and told her that she should go up home and stray her little wandering feet at a friend's threshold. She got over the stile, before she turned back to me and thanked me for my kindness towards her, that she was strangely glad to get back again to me and that wherever I was in the world was her home – her only home. She then hurried on before I could catch up to her, and indeed, I was so shocked by what she had just told me that I stood there for a few moments, watching her form fade into the distance as she made her way towards the house, as I absorbed what she had just confessed to me – for your mother was usually so well-reasoned and always managed to keep her emotions in check, that it came as quite a shock to me to hear such words burst forth from your mother's lips; and as the words finally sank in, I felt such joy at those words that my face broke out a huge, wide grin, and I felt myself elated from pure joy, for there are not enough words to express at how happy I was to have heard those words from your mother my dears, for she had restored my hope that she loved me once more.

"I did not call your mother to the drawing room that night, my dears," I said. "As much as I would have liked to have done so, I knew that I couldn't, for she had been travelling long and hard, and I knew that she needed her rest; so therefore I decided to wait until the evening after to converse with her. But I could not go without seeing her that night, so I entered Mrs Fairfax's room, and smiled at the three women in front of me: Mrs Fairfax, Adele and your mother, and I took pleasure at seeing such an amicable group of people. I told Mrs Fairfax that I supposed she was all right now that she had got her adopted daughter back, and added that Adele was "prete a croquer sa petite Maman Anglaise", for I knew that they were just as happy to see your mother as I was, because they cared about her very deeply: and as I saw your mother sitting there with Adele on her lap, looking so peaceful with her eyes so full of light and life, I had a feeling that all was right with the world, because your mother now painted me a picture in that very moment, one which I had never before imagined until I met your mother."

"What did you see in her eye, Papa?" Eddie asked.

"I will get to that in a few moments, my dears, but first I must say that it is amazing how one person can change the whole course of your life, turn your life around from where you were originally falling into an endless, hellish pit, and rescues you, swoops in on such soft wings of light and lifts you up on high towards possible heaven; and influences you in a way in which no other has done before or since. Your mother has done just that and more, and I couldn't be more prouder of her, nor more thankful to her for making my life a better and brighter one, and giving me ideas of a family, which is what I saw as I looked on the three women in the room that night, surrounded by a golden ring of peace as it were, for I realised that for the first time in my life, after everything I had been through with all of my mistresses, I had not thought of the possibility that I could ever start a family of my own, because until I met your mother, I had thought that I could never find the One. indeed, the picture entered my mind so suddenly at first that I was quite shocked by the mere notion of such a thought; but as I looked at it further, and thought about everything that me and your mother could - and eventually would - have, I was even more surprised and happy at this, because I knew that it could be possible, and it was all made that way because of one beautiful, lovely, loving young woman who is, of course, your mother.

"To proceed with my tale, my dears," I continued, "after your mother came back, two weeks of glorious peace came over us and all because of your mother. I either called her to my presence more often than not, or walked in on her as she was teaching Adele, just to have the pleasure of being with her: to hear her voice, see her smile and to look and fall into those deep, clear, vibrant, beautiful eyes of hers, and never stop falling into them. I wished to spend practically every waking moment of my time in her presence. Besides, I wanted to make up for all the time that we had lost in each other's company when she had been at her aunt's, and I knew that this was the only way I could do so, whilst deceiving her and everyone else about my upcoming marriage to Blanche; so much so that Mrs Fairfax approached me one morning, and asked me when I was going to bring my bride home, but I just gave her one of my queer looks and a joke, because little did she know then that my bride already_ was_ home, but I didn't tell her that. Anyway, I could tell that when your mother looked sad, I knew that it was because she was sad to think that she would be leaving, for I knew that she had grown attached to Thornfield; but when she did, it gave me hope that it wasn't just the house, or Adele, or Mrs Fairfax that she would miss. I found myself delighting in conversing with your mother, and laughing at some comment that she gave. I had treated her with more kindness than I ever had done before, and I felt like I was in heaven, that was the joy and the peace I found and felt when I was with your mother, and I still feel that now, in fact.

"But getting back to the point, I knew that I would have to talk to your mother and tell her how I loved her, for if I didn't, I knew that I would regret it for ever; and just as luck would have it, such an opportunity arose two weeks after your mother came back to Thornfield, one glorious Midsummer's-eve.

"As I recall, I was in the library that night, smoking a cigar and, seeing as it was a fine, warm night, with the moon and the stars shining in the sky above (well, to begin with, anyway), and I was lost in my thoughts of your mother; and as I was thinking about her, a thought of great truth hit me like a crash of lightning - an epiphany. And I realised that before your mother came into my life, despite all the thoughts and feelings that I had begun to think of with my mistresses before each of those relationships went downhill, I realised that I had never known love; well, not the true, powerful love that I felt now with your mother. True, I had had traces of love, but I had never actually experienced what it was like to _be _in love.

"As I was thinking these thoughts, I saw a little figure walking on the pavement. It was your mother, of course, and as she spotted the smoke from my cigar and didn't want to be seen, she stole away into the orchard. I could not let her get away that easily, for seeing as your mother is an elf from the realm of the fairies, I knew that she could as easily disappear back to the realm from whence she came if left unseen by another living soul, so I followed her. Unfortunately for me though, your mother had been forewarned of my presence because of the smoke from my cigar. I saw her half-hiding behind the wicket and seeing as I did not want to startle her, for I knew that she would not have liked me finding her in such a way, I pretended to examine a moth. When I felt her pass close by me, I called her back to examine the moth with me; but little did your mother know that out of the corner of my eye, I was examining your mother's movements closely. After the moth had flown, she retreated back down the walk, but as I did not want her to go in so soon on such a beautiful night as that one, I told her so, and we headed back down the orchard, towards the horse-chestnut tree at the bottom. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye once again, and saw that she was absorbed in her own thoughts, and I knew that I would have to be the one to get the ball rolling.

"She agreed with me that Thornfield was a beautiful place and that she was very much attached to it. I then asked her if she would miss Adele and Mrs Fairfax, seeing that she was very close to them, and your mother told me that she had an affection for them both. She didn't say - yet - as to how she felt about me, so I said that it was a pity and we stayed silent for a few moments, until I spoke up again, saying something about how change was a natural part of life and should always be expected. She then asked me if I was to be married, and whether the marriage was to happen soon, which I affirmed, saying that she did tell me to look out for suitable positions for both Adele and your mother. Your mother told me that she would advertise immediately, and just as she was about to say more, she stopped herself. What she was going to say, I knew not, but I did not press her on this, and so I pressed on.

"I told her that in a month I was to be married and that in the meantime I would look out for a new position for your mother. She began to apologise - I think it was for leaving me with the job of finding her a new position, but I can't be too sure - but I merely brushed it off, for she had done her duty in serving me well, before I went on to tell her how I had found out from Lady Ingram about a Mrs Dionysius O'Gall and her five daughters of Bitternutt Lodge, Connaught, in Ireland, for that was where I told your mother of where she would be "going"."

"Papa!" Janet groaned.

"I know that it was cruel of me to do so, dearest, but I had to find some way of finding out how your mother felt about me, didn't I? Besides, I knew that if I told her that she would have to leave me, as much as it pained her in thinking that she had to leave me, as it pained me to tell her of such things, then that is what I had to do. I actually made Mrs Dionysius O'Gall and her daughters up, and I also came up with their ages, in case your mother wanted to know. I knew that your mother would get along well with the Irish, but I was not about to give my little elf up so easily, you know.

"Anyway, your mother then said that it was a long way off, and I told her that is was of no matter, for she would not object to the voyage or the distance, and she told me that she did not object to the voyage as much, but rather the distance, and then she said that the sea was a barrier from England and Thornfield, and when I pressed her from what else that the sea would be a barrier from, she said that it would be from me. She said that almost involuntarily and I detected a slight tremor to her voice as she said this, and I saw the walls that your mother had built around her heart in order to protect it start to crumble, for she then started to cry, but did not sob: and when I heard her say that she would miss me, I felt such hope at her words, but I knew that it was still too early for me to say anything to her, for I still wanted to hear more from her; so as we sat down on the bench underneath the chestnut-tree, I then decided that the time had come for me to reveal my heart to her, slowly but shortly. I started by asking your mother whether she was anything akin to me. She didn't say a word to me at this, and I'm sure that if she could, she wouldn't have been able to say anything, anyway, because her heart was grieving, so I pursued my topic, saying that when she was near me I had a string which was tied somewhere under my left ribs which was connected to a similar string which was in your mother, and that if she left me, I was sure that cord of communion would be snapped, that I would take to bleeding inwardly and finished by saying that your mother would forget me."

"Papa!" Janet cried out in shock.

"How could you say such a thing to Mama?" Eddie asked me incredulously.

"I know, I know. It was cruel of me to say such things, and it pained me to say them to her; but I was desperate to know what she thought, so that's why I had to push her, and it worked: for you see, my dears, your mother told me that she would never forget me, and I told her to listen to the nightingale in the wood as she sobbed convulsively, and I now knew that the walls were falling from her heart good and proper now. After a few moments of silence, she went on to tell me how she had never been born and that she wished she had never come to Thornfield. I decided to twist the knife in a little more by asking her if she was sorry to leave it. Then came such words from your mother, such words that if I hadn't seen her standing there in front of me, that I wouldn't have believed it was her speaking them, for she let her normal, rationalised guard down, and spoke with a passion that I knew lay within her, but I didn't think I would see or hear her speaking such."

"What did she say, Papa?" Janet asked.

"Well, she told me that she grieved to leave Thornfield because she loved it, and that she had lived a full life there, momentarily at least, having not been trampled on, petrified, or excluded from every glimpse of what was bright. She then mentioned me, and told me that it struck her with anguish at the very thought of leaving me. Your mother then went on to say that the necessity of departure was like looking on the necessity of death.

"After she said this, I knew there and then that your mother loved me as I loved her, and that all my hopes and dreams had not been wasted on my feelings after all. Her words spoke with such love, and the look on her face was indeed one of distress, that I knew that I had to come clean to her. I then asked her where she saw the necessity of departure, and she told me that it was in the shape of Miss Ingram and that she had to go. I realised that I had played the game too well, and when I told her that she had to stay, she said that she had to, and asked me whether I saw her as an automaton, a machine without feelings, and that because she was poor, obscure, plain and little that she had neither soul nor heart. I knew that she had just as much heart and soul as I did, and indeed she told me the same, and went on to tell me that if she had some beauty and wealth that she would have made it as hard for me to leave her as it was for her to think of leaving me. Your mother then said that she was not talking through the mediums of custom, conventionalities or even mortal flesh, and went on to say that it was her spirit which spoke to mine, just as both had passed through the grave and stood at God's feet, equal - as we are.

"I replied those last three words to her, before I stood up - for I forgot to mention that she stood when she told me that she should go - and I reached her side, drew her to me, and did the very thing that I had wanted to do ever since I first met her: I kissed her; and despite her struggles against me, and felt her soft, sweet lips against mine at long last. When I reluctantly withdrew my lips from hers, she told me that I was a married man - as good as married, in fact - to one who was inferior to me and who I did not love (two out of three of these points were true, of course). She then told me that she would scorn such a union, and told me that she would leave me, as she was a free human being with an independent will, who could go and do as she pleased.

"She struggled still. As I was worried that she would hurt herself, I let her go and then commenced to tell your mother that her will would decide her destiny: I offered her my heart, my hand, a share of all my possessions, to pass through life at my side and to be my second self and best earthly companion, but still she mistrusted me; and as we were silent for a few moments, she wept again, as a waft of wind blew around us, and I looked at her gently and seriously for a few moments, until I could not hold my tongue back for much longer, and I asked your mother to come to my side so that we could explain and understand one another, but she told me that she could not, for she still saw Blanche as my companion for life., and did not believe that I loved her."

"You still wished to marry her, even though you couldn't at the time?" Eddie asked me incredulously.

"Papa, how could you do or even say such things to Mama?" Janet asked, equally as shocked as her brother.

"I know what I did was wrong, my dears, but as I told you last night, I felt that I could and ought. Anyway, I told your mother to come to me once more, and told me that my bride stood between us. For one ridiculous second, I thought that your mother spoke of Bertha, but then I was brought back to my senses by remembering that she still thought that I intended to marry Miss Ingram. So I drew your mother close to me once again, and I told your mother that she was to be my bride, because she was my equal and my likeness (as she is today), and therefore I asked your mother to marry me. When I saw that your mother still did not believe me, I told your mother that I did not love Miss Ingram and that she did not love me, told her about the rumour circulating about my fortune, and that I could never marry Miss Ingram, because I loved your mother as my own flesh, and I told her so with all the love I could muster up.

"It was only after I said this that your mother finally started to believe me, for I saw the doubts that she had concerning my love for her start to fade, for she had thought that I had been mocking her until then. I was starting to get desperate for your mother to answer me, for I wanted to hear her say yes - the sooner the better - which is why I pushed her for an answer. I turned my face to the moonlight when she asked me to, because she wanted to study it, to make sure that I wasn't lying, but I told her to make haste, for I suffered. Every second that passed as she studied my face was torture to me, and when I told her this, she said that she couldn't torture me, for the only feelings she could give me were those of gratitude and devotion to me for making her happiness; and after a few more minutes had passed between us, she said that she would marry me, calling me "sir" as she did so. I told her to call me by my name, "Edward", because seeing as we would be married - and that we would be equals - it would be wise for her to do so. As soon as she had said my name, I drew your mother close to me once more, as I sent up a prayer to God that he would sanctify my union with your mother and that he would pardon me for doing so, for I had been tormented enough, and therefore I had the right to get pleasure and peace with her.

"As we were standing thus in each other's arms, the weather changed: the wind blew with more force than before, and I could barely see your mother's face, close as I was to her. I told your mother that we had to go in, saying before we did so that I could have stayed with her until morning, and I was sure that she was about to say the same to me, but didn't; for at that moment, a livid, vivid spark of lightning had leapt out of a cloud, as your mother lay her head on my shoulder. We hurried back inside then as the clock struck twelve, quite wet from the rain. I took off her shawl in the hall and shook the water out of her head, before I told your mother that she should go and take off her wet things, and called her "my darling" for the first time, before I kissed her repeatedly, and to my immense delight, I felt your mother's lips moving in time with mine. Each time I tried to move away, I found that I could not; for joy and love made me susceptible to what I loved most in the world. I finally broke off our kiss and walked away, smiling widely at what had happened. Besides, I had to move away, for if it had gone any further, I was sure that I would have taken your mother to my room at that moment, and would have truly made her mine, but I knew that what I had thought would have to wait until we were married, because I knew that your mother would not agree to do so, otherwise. I did, however, check to see if she was safe and tranquil three times as the storm lasted; and each time she answered me that she was safe, I was pleased and then let her be.

"Of course, I should have known back then that my happiness was to be short-lived, but I'll get to that later."

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**So, that's all there is for this chapter. Next will be the courtship and the beginning of the "wedding". Please R&amp;R. Oh, and please note: I will gladly take criticism for my work, but this is my story, and what I say goes. So get over it if you hate it. I am simply making another point her, that's all. See you next time, then. **


	11. Chapter 11

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again with a new chapter for y'all. You'll see there are quotation marks surrounding some of the words to do with marriage. The reason that I have put them here and not in other chapters, is that it makes sense to me - I don't know about the rest of you, though - because this is the chapter where you will see the beginning of the "wedding" take place; so if you're not happy about it, tough. Excerpts from chapters 24, 25 and 26 from _Jane Eyre_ are used in this one. Oh, and Bonbonnett, thank you for giving me a better review. I hope that there are now no more flaws in the plotline for you to complain about and thank you for your advice. Much appreciated. Now enjoy this chapter.**

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Chapter 11 – The Month of Courtship, and the Beginning of the "Wedding"

"So, what happened next, Papa?" Eddie asked me.

"Well, my son, the next morning when I woke, the first thing I saw was the morning sunlight, streaming in through the window and shining just underneath the shut curtain. The sun represented my feelings perfectly that morning, for I was deliriously happy that your mother had accepted my proposal and that she had finally confessed that she loved me, so you can see why that I wished to see her as soon as I possibly could. I got up, dressed and breakfasted quickly, before I headed off to the schoolroom to wait for your mother. I ran into Adele there, and told her that seeing as she had worked hard of late, she deserved a holiday, so I sent her back to the nursery, for I just wanted to be with your mother that day. Besides, I had plans for us that day, for I wanted to take her into Millcote and buy some things for her for the "bridal tour".

"Anyway, I did not have long to wait for your mother, for I heard her gentle footsteps coming as soon as Adele had left the room. I waited patiently for her, with my heart pounding violently in my chest as she talked with Adele outside, before she entered the room. She was wearing a lilac gingham dress, which made a nice change from all the dull black ones she wore. I started to imagine her wearing other colours, and thought about what I could get her that would suit her well. Anyway, her hair looked lovely shining in the sun, making it turn gold: her lips, which were in a smile anyway, grew even more wider when she saw me, and her eyes sparkled with new life and rays far brighter than the sun shone through those pools. I told her to come and bid me good morning, which she gladly did, joy making her agile, and before I knew it, she was in my arms and I was kissing her once more; and when we kissed, not only did the spark in my heart turn into a raging, burning fire; but also, she made me feel as though a part of me that I had been missing I had suddenly found, without even knowing that a part of myself was missing until I held her in my arms, for she brought that piece back to me, filling my heart, and making me feel loved. I had never felt that feeling before with any other woman, and I knew what this meant: your mother and I were soul mates.

"As soon as our lips were parted, I beheld her properly. She looked so beautiful, so radiant that morning, with dimpled, rosy cheeks and eyes so full of life. She told me that it was her – Jane Eyre, as was her name back then – and I told her that it was "soon to be Jane Rochester", which made her face quickly turn white. I was puzzled by why this could possibly be, for any other woman would have been happy to be called thus – but as we know, your mother is not just any ordinary woman – and when I asked her why she blanched, she told me that it was because I had given her a new name, and that she thought that she was living in a fairy-tale, because human beings never experience true happiness in this world.

"I went on to tell your mother that I realised that, and I had written a letter to my banker, asking him to send me certain jewels – heirlooms for the ladies of Thornfield – and that I was going to pour them into her lap, and make her wear them, and where I would put each piece on her, which she constantly refused, her stubborn, independent nature taking over once more. I agreed in the interim that her request would be granted for the time being, but once we were married, she would have them, whether she wanted them or not.

"I then proceeded to tell your mother that we would be heading into Millcote that day so that she could choose some new dresses for herself for the "bridal tour", and that after we were "married", I would take her for a brief stay in town, before we journeyed to places nearer the sun: to French vineyards and Italian plains, where she would see for herself the wonders of what modern society in different nations could offer her."

"Did she seem interested in travelling, Papa?" Janet asked.

"Yes she did, Janet, and I told your mother that I would take her to Paris, Rome, Naples, Florence, Venice and Vienna. I was glad that the next time I would go to these places that I would be redeemed, leaving the companions of rage, disgust and hate – who had been my constant travelling companions for those ten long, weary years before I met your mother – behind, and travelling instead with my companion for life, my dearest, sweetest angel. She laughed when I called her an angel, saying that she would not be one until she died. She thought that I would love her only for a little while, before my passion for her would fade, and I would grow distasteful towards her and like her again. I told your mother that I would not only _like_, but _ love_ her still, with truth, fervour and constancy. I went on to tell your mother that when I spent time with women who showed me that they had neither hearts nor souls, no matter how appeasing their outward appearance was, that I would turn my back on them, disgusted with them – and myself – for thinking that just because a person is appealing on the outside, doesn't mean that the same story lies within. Then I told her that to the clear eye and eloquent-tongue, to the soul made of fire and the character that bends but does not break, I am ever tender and true. Your mother then asked me whether there had been any before her who pleased me as she did – and still does – and I told her that I had never met her likeness; for your mother has been the only woman who has pleased me. I was influenced and conquered by her, for she had bewitched me body and soul.

"Your mother then started to tease me, for she said that her curiosity was roused; and the more she teased me, the more vexed I got with her, for I was starting to worry that she would ask me about Bertha: but to my immense relief, your mother told me why I had taken such pains in order to make her believe that it was Miss Ingram who I wished to marry. Relief washed over me at these words, and as I looked down at her and smiled a warm, true smile, I told her that I feigned courtship of Miss Ingram, because I wished to render your mother as madly in love with me as I was with her, and I knew that jealousy would be the best ally I could call for furtherance of that end. She asked me if Blanche would be hurt by what I did, I told her that it was impossible; for as soon as she had learnt the "truth" about my circumstances, her flame for me was extinguished. Your mother then asked me whether no one else had to feel the bitter pain that she did, to which I replied that she did not have to anymore, for my heart was hers, as hers was mine. She kissed my hand that lay on her shoulder then, and my love for her grew – I truly believe that it has never stopped growing - and I felt that she loved me even more then; for I saw the love radiating from her eyes for me. I could have stayed with her like that for the rest of the day, but seeing as we had plans, I therefore asked your mother to ask me something. She told me that I should relieve Mrs Fairfax of the doubts that were in her head about us; for she had seen your mother and I the night before, my dears, and was shocked to find us so (for after all, in those days to the rest of the house, all we were known to each other in their eyes was the master of Thornfield and his ward's governess).Your mother then told me that she thought that the old lady had been worried that your mother and I had forgotten our stations, to which I told her that her station was in my heart. So then I went to relieve the old lady of her doubts, as your mother went to put on her bonnet.

"When I told Mrs Fairfax that me and your mother were to be "married", I saw that she was shocked – just as your mother had said she was – and so I left her alone with what I had told her, and went outside instead to tell John to get the carriage ready. As this was happening, Adele came running up to me, asking if she could go, too; but I declined taking her with us, for I just wanted to be in your mother's company, not only then, but for the rest of our lives. I saw Adele go sulking back into the house, and I knew who she was going to sulk to: and I was not mistaken; for a few seconds later, your mother came up to me, asking if Adele could come along with us, but I said no, for I wanted only her and no one else; but as I helped your mother get inside the carriage, I took a look at her face, and saw, to my surprise and confusion, that dark clouds had washed over her face, where the sun had shined down on it once before. I asked her if she really wanted Adele with us, and she affirmed that it would. I didn't much mind it, to tell you the truth; for at that moment, I thought that I wouldn't have to wait very long to be with your mother, just the two of us, alone, just like it was meant to be, before everything got ruined – but I'll get to that."

"So, what happened then, Papa?" Eddie asked.

"Well, my dears, I told Adele that I was to "marry" your mother and that I would take her to the moon where we would live together. I was teasing the child, of course, and as I was getting bored with answering Adele's questions about how your mother and I would live on the moon, and of the clothes I would make out of the clouds, I then told her to look at the field out the window: the same field, I'll have you know, where I was writing when I saw your mother returning home."

"So, what did you tell Adele, Papa?" Janet asked me, she and her brother looking intrigued and curious about what I had to say; for they both knew of my curious and eccentric mind, and were wondering what I could have told Adele; what story (imparted with truth), that I had put into the child's mind.

"Well, I told Adele that I was sitting thus some two weeks previously, writing about a predicament that had befallen me long ago and of better things to come, I sensed someone coming towards me. I looked up and beheld a little thing with a veil of gossamer on its head. It came and stood at my knee, and as we looked into each other's eyes, it seemed that our minds seemed to link as one, for we conversed with each other through them. She told me that she was a fairy that had come from the Land of the Elves who had come to bring me happiness, and that we could go to live on the moon together, if I would have her. Adele had before mentioned how we could get to the moon without the wings to fly there, as I had told this fairy, who thus told me that it did not matter; for she took out a magical golden ring and handed it to me, saying that if I put it on the fourth finger of her left hand, she would be mine and I would be hers, and she would fly us up to the moon, where we would live together away from prying, mortal eyes. I then told Adele that the ring was hidden in my pocket, disguised as a sovereign, but that I meant to soon transform it into a ring once more. Adele then asked me what the fairy had to do with your mother, and I told her that your mother was a fairy. Adele thought that it was all nonsense, what I had said to her; and your mother comforted the child, telling her not to take any notice of me."

"Just like Mama to be the reasonable one," Eddie guffawed as Janet giggled. "Even though you have always said that Mama is like some sort of elf, anyway."

I laughed as he said this for he was right, so I told him, "I know that as well as you do, my boy, but Adele had never really heard of me speak of your mother in that fashion, and I knew that she did not see your mother the same way that I did, so I dropped it. But back to the point: we spent an hour at Millcote, and as much as I tried to get your mother to buy colours other than those of black and grey, she declined, saying that she did not want to look like a prized doll that I had dressed her up in. The only reason I wanted your mother to wear colours more, my dears, was so that I could bring out her beauty a little more. She also shortened the half-a-dozen dresses down to two, which annoyed me; but what annoyed me even more, was that these two _did_ include a black dress and a grey one. She was as stubborn as always, and I knew that I could do nothing to change her mind, so I told your mother that it would do for the time being. Unbeknownst to her, however, as we were in the silk warehouse, I saw some rather – how should I put this? – _special _garments that I imagined your mother would wear on our "wedding night", and how good she would look in – as well as out of – them, but I quickly pushed aside these rather arousing thoughts, as your mother came up to me. We then made our way to the jewellery shop, where your mother's face got hotter and hotter with the more I bought for her. She would have looked beautiful, if her face had been burning with happiness rather than indignation.

"As we rode back in the carriage to Thornfield, your mother averted my face and eyes, although I tried to catch hers as much as I could; and when I finally did so, I looked at her with all the warmth and love that I could muster, for it was a blissful and fond moment that passed between us as I looked into her eyes. My hand was ever haunting hers, which she grabbed for a few moments before she flung it back at me, red with pressure. Your mother then told me that I should not look at her in the way that I was, for she told me that if I kept on doing so that she would wear her old Lowood frocks to the end of the chapter, that she would marry me in the dress that she was wearing and that I could make myself a dressing gown and waistcoats out of the dresses I had bought for her. I told her that it was rich to see and hear her original tones, and as much as I teased her, her reasonable head took over her passionate heart, and in the interim she told me that she would not be my English Celine Varens; for now that I look back in hindsight, the looks I had been giving her in the carriage, I now realise, were not those of a way a future husband would look at his bride, but rather I treated her in the exact same way as I did with one of my mistresses."

The shock in the room after I had said these words was so intense that it was amazing that any of us could draw breath. I waited for my children to absorb this information patiently before Janet said, after a few unbearable minutes of awkward silence had passed between us, "You loved her, and yet you treated her like she was another one of your mistresses!?"

"How could you treat her like that?" Eddie asked, surprised and shocked at my words.

I sighed deeply and told them, "I know what I did was wrong, my dears, but you have to remember that it had been a long time for me since I had been a husband, and old habits do die hard, you know. Please can you forgive me?"

Janet and Eddie looked at each other slowly, the cogs whirring round in their heads, before Janet said, "Has Mama forgiven you?"

I smiled at my children and said simply, "What do you two think?" They both smiled at this, and I knew that the danger had passed, so I continued: "Once we arrived back at Thornfield, I asked your mother if she would dine with me, but she declined, saying that we should go on as before, until after the day of our "wedding". So I did what she said, and I called her to my presence that evening at seven, where your mother asked if I could sing for her, saying that she liked my voice. I cannot remember the words of the song I sang, but I do remember that the words spoke perfectly of how I felt towards your mother: for it was about a man who was in live with a woman, who wanted to always be in her presence, and live with her through life until Death came for them. I rose from the piano – for I could play as well as sing back in those days – and I made my way towards where your mother was sat in the window-recess, with my eyes flashing with such tenderness and passion. After we talked for a few minutes, I asked whether she could forgive me for the selfish idea of her living with me as such, and asked for a kiss from her lips, which she declined. She then worked me up in irritation, before she bid me good night, and slipped out of the side-door. I did not understand why your mother treated me like this - not only that night, but every other night on that first month - back then, but I do now. Your mother was right to do such a thing, because she and I just wanted to be together, and if we had been close to each other at any one point during that month, I am sure that we would have given into temptation, and let desire take over our rational way of thinking.

"Anyway, the next month passed quickly, and everything did indeed proceed as it had done before. Your mother continued to play the part of being Adele's governess, before I called her to my presence in the evening at seven as per usual. During this time, I refused to use such words as "love" or "darling" on my lips. No, instead I chose to use such terms as "provoking puppet", "malicious elf", "sprite", "changeling", and so on; and for caresses, I gave her pinches; a pressure of her hand was now a pinch on her arm; a kiss on the cheek – a severe tweak of the ear she received. Your mother teased me greatly during that time: so much so, that at one point I said that she was wearing me to skin and bone, and that I threatened her with an awful vengeance for her present conduct; but do not fret, my dears,, for I was merely teasing your mother in return, just because she was teasing me, and I enjoyed it greatly. Indeed, no other woman had treated me in such a way, and for that month, I felt that all was heavenly and right with the world, and right in my life at last, so it seemed; but once again, I was mistaken, for something happened to your mother two nights before the "wedding"; something which I regret not being there for to try and help your mother at the time when it happened."

"Why, what happened, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie both looking anxious at what could have happened to their dear Mama.

"Well, my dears," I said, "two days before the "wedding", I had to go and settle some business in person on a small estate of some two or three farms that I possess some thirty miles off. Oh, if that business had not come around, I could have been there to - but once again, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyway, when I returned the next evening - the night before the "wedding" - I saw your mother ahead of me, obviously wanting to meet me outside, rather than wait for me indoors, despite all the wind and rain of the storm. I then made her notice me, and beckoned her to come to me, which she did. I then told her that she could not do without me, pulled her up on my horse and gave her some hearty kisses for affection. But as I drew back, I saw that your mother's face and felt her hand, which were both burning hot. I asked her if anything was wrong, and she as good as told me that I had calmed her, and that she had been feeling afraid and unhappy, but she wouldn't tell me anything until we got back to Thornfield.

"I landed your mother on the pavement before I stepped down from my horse, and as we entered Thornfield, I told your mother to change into something dry and to not take long, as I did the same. She came to me five minutes later in the library when I was having supper, and she told me that she could not eat a thing. I was wondering if it was the journey to London that was troubling her mind, and when I asked your mother about it, she said that she hardly knew her thoughts that night, and that everything seemed unreal - even me. I told her that I was real enough, but your mother said that I was the most phantom-like of all. I laughed at her when she said this, and when I held my hand out towards her face to try to convince her of my substantiality, she said that even though she held it, she felt like she was in a dream.

"After supper, we talked about all the preparations that we had undertaken to ensure that everything was sorted before we were "married". When I looked at your mother closely that night, I saw that there was a bright spot of colour to her cheeks and that her eyes glittered strangely; and when I asked her if she was well, she told me that she believed she was, and went on to tell me that there were no words that she could use to express her feelings, and said that she wished the hour would never end, and was worried about what cruel trick Fate could play on us when we were so happy, and everything was so peaceful. She confused me with such thoughts, but before I could say anything, she asked me if I was calm and happy, and I told her that I was not the former, but I certainly was very happy.

"As I have already told you, my dears, your mother had puzzled me greatly, and I wondered whether it had anything to do with me: whether she was afraid that I would not make a good husband for her, or whether she was anxious about the new chapter in her life that was about to be written, and when she affirmed that she was not worried for either of those reasons, I inwardly breathed a huge sigh of relief, for I was scared that she was going to tell me that she did not want to marry me, foolish as it sounds. So then I asked her to confess what was on her mind to me, and to relieve herself of all the troubles that her mind was processing.

"That was the first time your mother told me that she loved me that night (well, technically the first, as I am sure she might have said it the day after I had proposed to her, but as I was so consumed in my own thoughts about bestowing your mother with gems, I didn't take much notice of it at the time), and when she said it that night, my heart thumped painfully in my chest: for it is one thing to feel loved by the one you love most in the world, my dears; but when you are told by the person you love that they love you in return, it makes you feel elated; that is the amount of joy that passes through you. But I am getting off topic once again, and after she told me that she loved me, your mother then went on to say that the previous day she had been busy and happy packing, and then much later on she beheld the priceless veil which I had bought for her, saying that seeing as she wouldn't go for gems, that she had to accept something: for all I wanted to do, my dears, was to give your mother everything within my power that I could give her in order to make her happy. I wanted to treat her like a queen and give her the sun, moon and sky, that's how much I love your mother.

"Anyway, she then told me that she had had such dreams the previous night: in one dream she told me, your mother dreamt that Thornfield was a blackened ruin, with bats and owls nesting in the fallen beams (how right she was about that, my dears, but I'll get to that later). Then she told me that she had had another dream where she was holding a child in her arms, and that she saw me abandoning her, and that she was afraid that some barrier of separation was coming to split us apart. I remember that at the time I thought nothing of these dreams, but now though, I realise that she had gotten the "barrier of separation" part right."

"What do you mean, Papa?" Janet asked me.

"All in good time, dearest. Anyway, she then told me that she was awakened by the moon in the middle of the night and that she had forgotten to close her door. I mention this to you, because she heard someone enter her room and that she thought it was either Adele or Sophie at first; but then she told me that when she had called out their names and had gotten no reply as to who it was, she became even more scared, strong as she was. Well anyone would be in her shoes, for the figure, whoever it was, was shuffling over by her wardrobe, where your mother had placed her wedding dress and the veil. Your mother had left a light on in the room, and that's how she could tell what the creature was doing.

"She then told me that the creature had stood in front of the mirror, and your mother saw its features: long black hair trailing down her back - for the figure was a woman - with a discoloured savage face, who had red eyes and the colour of the face was purple: the lips swelled up and dark; the brow furrowed and the black eyebrows widely raised over the bloodshot eyes, reminding your mother of the vampire, such were the fearsome and ghastly creatures of the woman before her. I presume that you both know who your mother saw that night, although she did not?" I asked of my children.

"Bertha," they both immediately replied simultaneously.

"Yes, my dears, that was what Bertha had become after fifteen years of living as my _wife_. She had been transformed from the tall, dark and majestic woman she had been when I first met her into the description above; for her face was the one that only a mother could love, I'm sure. Anyway, I began to grow worried by what your mother was telling me, even more so when she told me how she saw that Bertha had took the veil and put it on over her head, before studying herself in the mirror. Then she took it off, and ripped it into two parts, which then cascaded to the floor. Before Bertha left your mother's room that night, your mother herself told me that the demon had the candle, and as she was heading towards the door, she saw your mother looking right at her, thrust the candle close enough to her face, before she blew it out under your mother's very eyes and ran off. Your poor, dear mother was so distraught that she fainted in her bed."

"What an awful thing to happen to Mama," Janet said, she and Eddie both as shocked as I was at what could have happened to my Jane that night.

I let the shock sink in a bit before I went on: "I was terribly afraid for your mother as she told me this, of course, and angry at Bertha that she would try to harm my precious dove in her nest; but as I did not wish for your mother to know about Bertha, I tried to calm your mother - as well as myself - by telling her that it must have been a dream. Unfortunately though, this did not work, because your mother told me that she thought so also, but when she roused the next morning, with nothing but the morning sun streaming in through the window, she saw the veil on the floor, ripped in two parts.

"I cannot tell you, my dears, the troublesome thoughts that went through my head at that moment. I can only tell you that I drew your mother as close to me as I could, and thanked God that nothing worse had happened to your mother in my absence. I held your mother so tightly in my arms, not only to ascertain the fact that she was really there, but also to try and calm my tortured mind, before I let her go. I then made an excuse about Bertha, saying that someone did enter your mother's room and that it was Grace Poole. When your mother tried to tell me otherwise, I then went on to say that she was in a half-dream, half-reality state of mind when she had heard her door opening, so that I could stop any further questions falling from your mother's mouth; for I was sure then, that if your mother kept asking me and asking me about who stepped in her room that night, that I would eventually have Bertha's name slip out and your mother would have been lost to me for ever - which she was for a time, but I'll get to that.

"Anyway, I then told your mother that she should go and sleep in the nursery with Adele that night, for I did not like her sleeping alone after that, and she told me that she would do so. As she was about to leave, I opened up the curtain, and showed her the moon in the sky, which had appeared now that the storm had calmed; but little did I know that this was the calm before another different type of storm that would happen the very next day, but I'll get to that. Anyway, I bid your mother good night, and after she had left me, I went to the third-storey, chastised Grace for being so careless with her charge and took away her gin privileges. Bertha, who was once again watching malignantly, I could have hit there and then. I am sorry to say such things, my dears," I said, at the shocked looks on my children's faces at these words, "but seeing as she had almost done a terrible thing to your mother the night before, I was angry at her beyond belief. Indeed my eyes showed as much, but as she seemed to take delight in the fact that she could have killed your mother, I left the room with disgust.

"Even though I knew that I had to attend to business before my "wedding" to your mother, I thought myself a fool for not staying behind, or getting one of the servants to watch over her. I knew that your mother was safe and well, don't get me wrong, but at the thought of what _could_ have happened, I shuddered to myself, thinking about what type of house I could have come home to. Along with this worry was also the one that I was going to be a bigamist - well, at least that's what I thought I was going to be at the time - and I was hoping against hope that nothing was going to come between your mother's happiness and mine.

"The next morning I waited for your mother impatiently (Sophie was busy faffing around with her, I have no doubt), and when she did come down in a plain but simple white gown, I told your mother that she looked as fair as a lily, and not only was she the pride of my life, but also the desire of my eyes, as she is even now. I then gave her time for breakfast, as I called in one of my recently-hired servants to inquire about the carriage, before I turned back to your mother. Seeing as she had not eaten anything, I asked if she was ready, and she affirmed that she was indeed.

"As your mother and I walked to the church, I was half-mad that morning, my dears; for all I wanted to do was to get the wedding over and done with, so that we could be far away from Thornfield as soon as possible, before anyone could stop us. It was only as we approached the church that I saw that your mother was struggling to breathe. I did not realise how hard I had been pulling her, so I told her to delay an instant, and after she had regained her breath, I told her to lean on my arm and we entered the church.

"As the ceremony got underway, and the clergyman asked us to confess that if there was an impediment that would prove that we could not be lawfully joined together in the eyes of God and man, that we were to proclaim in there and then - well, you know how it goes. Anyway, as we thus stood, I was worried that someone would say that, and I inwardly breathed a small sign of relief that nothing of the sort had happened; but that relief was short-lived, for as the clergyman was just about to ask me "Wilt thou have this woman for thy wedded wife?", a voice cut through the clean air and said the words that I had been dreading to hear above all others:

"The marriage cannot go on: I declare the existence of an impediment."

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**Sorry to keep you hanging, but who does not love a cliff hanger? Seriously? Anyway, next chapter will be looking at what happened after the wedding was interrupted and what happened between Jane and Edward. I really do hope that you guys are enjoying this, just as much as I am writing it. Please R&amp;R and if you want to, you can tell me how it's going so far. Laters!**


	12. Chapter 12

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey guys! K.J.A here again with a new chapter. Soon this will all be over. Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I am glad that you are all enjoying the story so far. Excerpts from this chapter are from chapters 26 and 27 of _Jane Eyre_, and I promise you, this will be the very last time that chapter 27 from _Jane Eyre _will be mentioned in this thing. Enjoy.**

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_**"It's best to know the truth; Of that I have no doubt; But you'll have to face your future; When the truth comes out."**_

**Lyrics above are taken from a song called "When the Truth Comes Out" From a show called _Scrubs_, series (or season, if you are over in the USA) 6, episode 6: _My Musical_. If you look at the lyrics and then look at this chapter, you'll see why it makes so much sense. And _now_ it's on with this chapter.**

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Chapter 12 – The Secret Comes Out

"As soon as I heard those words, my dears, it seemed to me that everything that I was so desperately close to getting, everything that was good in my life, was ebbing away from me; fading slowly, like a really good dream that you had just awoken from, and as much as you want to remember the fine details, you find that they are gone; for dreams are just dreams and not memories that do not exist and forget to live; and that for me was all our first "wedding" between your mother and I could ever be: a dream.

"Anyway, even as I felt the blood pounding through my veins, I stood tall and firm as always, and tried to defy what was happening; so I therefore told the clergyman, Wood, to proceed, but he would not, for he said that he needed to look into the facts of the matter to determine whether the impediment was a true one, and the man – for indeed, it was a man who had spoken – said that there was a marriage which already existed, and that the one that was taking place between your mother and I could not continue, and went on to say that I was already married. I felt the blood rush violently through me as he said this, and at that moment, the only thing that made this dream – no, _nightmare_ is the word – real, was your mother's tiny, precious little hand in mine.

I then asked who the man's name was, and he said that his name was Briggs, a solicitor from some street or other in London. I was determined to be defiant to the last, and did not dare mention Bertha's name, so I asked Briggs to prove it. He pulled out a letter which said that I had been married to Bertha fifteen years hence the day of the "marriage" in Spanish Town, Jamaica, and that the evidence was obtained in a certificate which Richard Mason had.

"I felt your mother's gaze on mine, forcing me to look at her, but I could not bear to see the look of hatred or heartache on her face, so I instead just looked at Briggs and told him that just because that document said that I was married, it did not mean to say that the woman in question still lived. But of course, I knew then and there that my excuses would do me no more good anymore, and it was only a matter of time until the truth came out; and indeed it did, in the form of Mason himself, the witness to prove that the "marriage" that would have happened was indeed a false one."

I paused for a few moments, allowing this to sink in, and wondering whether my children were going to say anything to me; but when they did not, I proceeded on: "As I was saying, my dears, as soon as I saw Mason, anger violently swept through me, and I let go of your mother's hand and went up to him, demanding what he had to say, but of course, he said nothing. The solicitor asked him for courage, and he at last spoke out, saying that she did live, was alive when he last saw her and that he (Mason) was her brother.

"At that moment, my dream of being with your mother and of having her as my _true_ wife started to fade; because even though I knew that we could not be joined together lawfully, that did not mean that we could not live together. I know, I know," I said at their disgruntled faces, "but your mother and I were soul mates and have always belonged together. Anyway, Wood then said that this was impossible, for he had not seen a Mrs Rochester living at Thornfield Hall, which I took care that no one should. Of course, I let rumours slip out that there was a ghost or spirit of some kind which haunted the place, but I did not tell anyone the full truth, for fear of losing any sort of respect that society gave me (I've said to you before that I am a proud man, so forgive what I say). The dream of marriage was truly over now, so I told Green (the clerk) to close his book, for there was to be no wedding that day. I then turned to your mother and took her hand once more in mine, and told the clergyman, the solicitor and the meddler that your mother had no idea that she was about to be drawn into a feigned union with a defrauded wretch, for she thought that all was fair and legal. I then asked them all to follow me, and so I led them from the church."

"W-what happ-p-p-ened next, P-P-Papa?" Janet asked shakily. I looked at my children as best as I could, and saw out of the glow of the fire that they were looking pale, so I asked them if I should stop in my tale, just as I had told their mother all those years ago, but they said that they wished for me to continue with it, and I smiled at their inner strength; another clear gift that they had inherited from their mother. So I continued: "Well, once we had got back to Thornfield, I told John to take the carriage back for there would be no need of it that day; and when we entered the house, Mrs Fairfax, Adele, Sophie and the other servants were there to welcome us, but I bid them all away, for I said to them then that it was fifteen years too late.

"Still holding your mother's hand, I made my way up through the house and to the third-storey, where I opened the door to the inner room, where Mason had lay on the bed just three months before that day, fighting for his life, pulled back the tapestry behind it, opened the door and stepped inside to where Bertha and her nurse, Grace Poole, were. We were not in there for very long, for Bertha pounced on me not too soon after she had seen me, and I pushed your mother behind me to keep her out of harm's way, as I took to grappling with Bertha, as Grace got some rope for me, and together, we restrained her arms and bound her to a chair, where she could do nothing more than to snarl and yell like a wild animal, and look at us all with mad eyes that were full of hatred.

"I then told the company behind me that she was my wife, and then asked the company whether they still blamed me for trying to be with your mother; for I would have done anything just to be with her. I then compared Bertha to your mother: the clear eyes to the red balls; a face to a mask; your mother's form to Bertha's bulk, before I asked them all to judge me, even though I was wrong, for I had been tormented for far too long, as you already know, my dears; and I thought that I – foolishly – had the right to gain your mother as my wife. I then sent them all out, as I needed to tend to Bertha before I did anything else."

"Then what happened?" Eddie asked me, his voice quiet.

"Well, after Bertha had been attended to, and as I stood outside the door to the third-storey, leaning my head against the door, I wondered what I was going to do. Hope and Despair then started their battle over dominion of my soul, for I knew that your mother was going to leave me, but I could not let that happen; for I was determined that she would live a life with me in it. The thought then hit me that she could have left with the solicitor and the meddler, and so I dashed quickly down the stairs and to the second floor, and to a room where I could see the path that led to my house and what lay beyond.

"I could see figures walking – not too far ahead, surprisingly – and I saw Wood heading back to the church, and Briggs and Mason walking towards the main road. I sighed a small sigh of relief, for that meant that your mother had not yet left; but for how long she would stay, I knew not. I was determined that she would not leave me, no matter what happened, and I would fight for her to stay with me. Besides, she had not heard my story yet of how Bertha came to be there, so I decided to wait for her. I took a chair from my room, put it outside her door, and would wait for her to step forth from her dwelling place, no matter how long it took for her to come to me.

"Not long after I had done this, I heard someone come up the stairs. I recognised the footstep as Mrs Fairfax's, and knowing that I did not want to have your mother be disturbed by none but me, I went as quietly as I could to where the old lady was fast approaching, told her that no one – not she, not Adele, not Sophie or any other servant for that matter – come up here. When she asked me why, I told her to not ask impertinent questions and just do what I had asked. She looked quite shocked at what I had just said – for I had not been rude to her since your mother had returned to Thornfield the previous month – but said that she would do what I asked. I nodded my head in acknowledgement of what she had said, and then I returned to my post at your mother's door."

"Then what happened?" Eddie asked.

"Well, as I already said, I sat down and waited for your mother, and made me wait she did; for the minutes turned to hours, and still I sat, with nothing but my thoughts and the ticking of the clock to keep me company. I thought that she hated me for what I did to her and that's why she shunned me. I was surprised that she would shun me, for your mother is a passionate woman, as you well know, and I was expecting her to come out in a rage, with tears falling from her eyes and make a scene of some kind, but she did not. So after I waited for the scene to come but did not happen, my mind then turned back to the thought that maybe your mother _did_ hate me, and as much as I tried to remove that thought from my mind, nothing worked, for it still remained.

"Then another thought entered my mind – a sad one, just the same – that spoke of your mother leaving me. And I could not allow that to happen. I was determined to keep her with for my own happiness, and I knew that the only way to do that would have been to make your mother my mistress –"

"You were going to make Mama your mistress!" Eddie shouted incredulously.

"Papa, how could you have been thinking of doing such a thing like that to Mama?" Janet said, looking disgusted at the thought of what she and Eddie could have been born as, if it were not for the change in my circumstances, but I'll get to that.

Anyway, Janet then continued to say: "Surely you must have known, Papa that Mama's strong sense of reason would have trumped over such thoughts that were forming in your mind?"

I thought about this for a few moments before I answered her: "To be honest with you, my dears, I did think about this, and I imagined all kind of scenarios where your mother and I would discuss the topic of my marriage to Bertha, and I asking your mother to stay with me; but no matter the outcome, it never ended well. So in the end, I said to myself that when your mother did eventually open the door, I would just have to go with the flow, and see where Fate would take me.

"Getting back to the point, though: sad thoughts of your mother's hatred and her leaving me continued to thwart my mind; and after several hours had passed, I thought to myself then that if your mother didn't come out within the next five minutes, that I would have to break down the door. But then I heard movement on the other side, which startled me out of my thoughts; and as I heard the lock click, I jumped out of my seat; my back aching and my bones stiff from having sat in that chair for so long; famished and parched, for I had not eaten or drank since the morning, but I didn't care: for the only thing that I cared about at that moment was your mother, who came stumbling out of the door, and I caught her around her slender waist before she hit the floor.

"Your mother never said a cold, cruel word against me when I saw her, my dears. There was no hatred in her eyes, nor was there any scorn; all that I saw in her eyes at that moment was that her hope had quenched and her happiness was gone, for they were glazed over and had dimmed. Oh, the look on your mother's face at that moment I can still see clearly now as I did that day; and how it still pains me and tortures me at how I treated her. She had not moved for several hours within her room, and seeing as I saw no tears in her eyes, I assumed that her heart had been weeping blood. I then asked for her forgiveness, but to my dismay, all that she said was that she was tired and sick, and needed some water. I shuddered a sigh at not getting the response that I so desperately needed, so I held her in my arms and carried her to the library, where after I had placed your mother down, I made a fire, gave her a little something to eat, which she did and I was glad, and then gave her some wine. When I asked her how she was, she told me that she would be well again soon. This was not the response I was hoping for either, for I wanted her to tell me what she thought of me and to call me every bad name she could think of – even though I knew that she wouldn't; for she has such a good heart, it would be out of her character to say a bad word against me, never mind curse me – so I wondered round the room, thinking what to do. Then I went back to her, forced to go along with my plan to get your mother to stay with me, and bent down to kiss her; but to my annoyance, she turned her head – and mine – away from her.

"I knew that your mother wouldn't kiss me because I was married to Bertha, and that she must have thought that my arms were claimed by another; and when I asked her whether these things were true, she as good as affirmed that they were. I said some words to her, then: told her that she must have some strange opinion of me: thought of me as some sort of Trickster, who goes around luring someone as innocent as your mother into his traps, robs them of their self-respect and honour and leaves love out of the question. I remember that she was thinking of how she should act, for her head was taking over her heart – her passion being displaced by reason – and I as I knew this and knew her, I was on my guard against your mother.

"She told me that she did not wish to act against me, and I told her that it wasn't in _her_ sense of the word, but rather in_ mine_, for she as good as said that she was setting about to destroy me, for she would not kiss the husband of Bertha Mason. I was a married man (yes, I admit it now, although at that moment, I defied it), and went on to say to her that as a married man she would scorn me and be nothing more than Adele's governess under my roof, whilst becoming like ice and rock to me. She then told me the words that I had been dreading to hear all along: she had to leave me. Back then, I thought that this was ridiculous for her to live without me; but now, when I look back, I see that she was right to leave me; for if she hadn't, neither of us would be where we are now with you two in our lives, my lambs."

"What do you mean, Papa?" Eddie asked me.

"Don't worry, my son. All will be explained to you, I assure you of this. Anyway, as I knew that I could not live without her, I decided to look past the point of her living without me and told her that we would leave Thornfield together: that I would shut the old place up, border up the windows and start a fresh, new life together, away from the prying eyes of mere mortals. I then told your mother that I had told the servants – who knew something of Grace's patient, of course – to keep her a secret from your mother, before I had even met her that frosty, bitter day in January all those years ago: because I knew that Adele would never have a governess to stay because of the wretched demon who lived there; and if that were to have happened, I would have been resolved to have moved Bertha to where we are now, Ferndean Manor. I thought that these old, damp walls would have eased me of her charge, but then I thought about what harm she could do to herself and others, and so thought better against that notion. I then went on to say a few harsh words about Bertha's condition, and when your mother said that I could not blame her for the condition that her mind was in, for she could not help being mad, I told your mother that she misunderstood me, and that it was not because she was mad that I hated her. I then asked your mother that if she was mad, did she think that I would hate her –"

"_Would_ you hate her if she was mad, Papa?" Janet asked. Eddie and I both looked at her in shock, and Janet mumbled her apologies as she looked at the floor.

"That's quite all right, Janet," I spoke quite sternly to her. "But please try to remember that I love your mother very much, and that nothing that could ever happen to her would change what we have." She nodded her head once more, and apologised once again. I looked at her in silence for a few moments before I went on: "Anyway, as soon as I had said this, your mother said that she thought that I would hate her (as if I could hate such a creature as your mother?), and I told her that she knew nothing of me, and knew nothing of the love that I was capable of. I told her that every atom of her flesh is as dear to me as my own – as is yours to us both, my dears – and in pain and sickness it would still be just as dear. Her mind, though broken, would still be my treasure. My arms would have held her as best as they could when she raved at me in a wild way; I would be her nurse and her keeper, who would have smiled at her tenderly, though she could not; and I would never tire of gazing into the eyes that I love so well, even if they were to hold no recognition of me. I then went on to talk more about the two of us leaving Thornfield together, and when she told me that I should take Adele with me, I told your mother that she – and she alone – would be the only one who I would share my solitude with.

"I knew that your mother would still not listen to my wild, frantic, maddening – as it seems to me now – renditions of us living together (even though we were not man and wife), I told her that if she did not hear reason, then I would take her then and there as my own, against her free will –"

"_Papa!" _Janet shrieked.

"How could you say that - or, even think of doing such a thing to Mama?" Eddie said, pale once more.

"I know I shouldn't have, my dears," I said, "but I was desperate for your mother to listen to what I had to say and not to leave me, that I was willing to do anything that I could in order for her stay, even if that meant taking away her honour. Of course, I highly regret the very thought of doing that now, for it was all out of pure madness; and seeing as your mother has forgiven me - as she has for many other mistakes that I have made - I see no reason why the two of you should not forgive me, either. Anyway, your mother took hold of my clenched hand and asked me to sit beside her, and told me that she would listen to me for as long as she liked. I took this as a good sign and sat beside her, still on my guard though; for I knew that this could go wither way. I did not speak directly for a few moments, and it was only then that the floodgates behind your mother's eyes opened, and her tears flowed willingly down her cheeks. I tried to get her to be composed, but she told me she could not when I was in such a passion. I told her that I was not angry with her, for I loved her too well to be that with her. The only reason I became that way with her, my dears, is because your mother had her face stuck in a resolute, frozen look, that I could not bear to look at her, for fear that it would drive me to madness and I was afraid that if that happened, that I would do something to her which I would later regret. My voice was calmer by this point, as was I, and so in turn, she became calm, too.

"Her tears gave me hope again, and as I knew that she needed comfort - and I needed some comfort from her in return - I tried to lay my head on her shoulder, and then tried to draw her close to me, but both these things she declined. I then started to worry that we would get to the subject of her leaving me again, so I tried to draw her out and see if she would give me anything that would give me hope; so I asked her if she loved me at all, or whether it was my station and the rank of my wife that she valued. Oh, how cruel and bitter those words seem, even now. I saw the look on her face as I said those words: saw the pain that I had caused her by just saying them, and I knew the answer before she even told me, and the answer she gave me was that she did love me, now more than ever, but this was the last time we would ever say it to each other (well, then anyway). I knew that we were back on the topic of her leaving me, so I decided to keep playing the fool and said if she wanted to leave for a few minutes to get herself made decent; but she told me that she would have to start a new life without me in it. I did not want her to keep saying this - nor did I want it to become a reality - so I said that we would leave Thornfield together, despite the fact that I knew that I was slowly losing the battle, as Hope was losing against Despair. She shook her head once again at the thought of us leaving together, and I once again started to become frantic and livid; and the more agitated I became, so did she in turn, until she finally said, almost involuntarily, "God help me!"

"I then remembered that she did not know how I came to be with Bertha, and, seeing as this was my one last shot of Hope fighting against the darkness of Despair, I decided to confess all to your mother, in the hope that when I did, she would see it my way, and would therefore stay with me. So I told her all: how I was sent over to Jamaica when I was twenty-one; how I met Bertha; how I had come to discover that her mother was mad, and that Bertha had followed suit; how the next four years of our _"married life" _played out; how I had almost committed suicide, because I couldn't bear to live that way any longer; how I had come to place Bertha at Thornfield; how I spent the next ten years of my life after placing Bertha in Thornfield; how Adele came to live at Thornfield because of my first mistress, Celine, and then I told your mother about Giacinta and Clara, before I finally told your mother about how I met her, and grew to know and love her. The reason why I am not telling you any of this, my dears, is because you already know the story, and to repeat myself all over again would just be a complete waist of my time as well as yours, so let's move on.

"Getting back to the story, then: when I finished telling your mother my long and heart-rending tale, I told your mother how the case stood and asked if she could see it; that after a youth and manhood past away in misery and dreary solitude, I found the one woman who I truly love - by means of your mother. She is my sympathy, my better self, my good angel, and she somehow manages to bring out the best in me, and sees me in a way that I never have, nor has anyone else for that matter (at least, that's what I think, anyway). Back to the point, though: I then told your mother that I find her good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart for her. It leans to your mother, draws her to my string of life, wraps my existence around her, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, it fuses us as one. This much she knows, because I, of course, told her about it.

"I then told your mother that it was because I felt and knew this that I resolved to marry her the first time round. I was wrong to have deceived her thus, it was cowardly, I know; and I also know that I should have appealed to your mother's spirit first before I asked her to be mine; but I didn't because I was afraid that she would leave me, and that the love that she holds in her heart for me would be extinguished in a matter of moments; and if that had happened, I'm afraid to say, my dears, that I really do not know what I would have done with myself. Anyway, when I asked her to accept my pledge of fidelity, and asked your mother to give me hers, she paused. I asked her why, but I already knew; I could see the answer shining clearly in her eyes, and the Despair was growing blacker, as bright white light of Hope had all but gone: and my suspicions were confirmed when she answered me in one word: "Depart". No matter what I did or said to her, none of it made any difference, she was resolved to leave me. I asked her not only to think of my life when she was gone, because with her gone, all the happiness and light in my life would be gone with her; but I also asked her who would be offended by living with me; for she had neither friends nor relatives outside of Thornfield who could help her, or even cared about her - at least until ... but, once again, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

"Anyway, I watched her as she thought about what I had just said. At first, it seemed as though her heart was going to win; for I saw how desperately she wanted to come to me, to comfort and be comforted by me. My heart rose at this, and Hope once again came back with a strong fight, pushing back against the Despair that was practically eating away at my soul; but then the tables turned, and Despair came back with a vengeance, as your mother's reasoning head took over, and distilled the passion of her heart, planting her foot as she did so and resolving to leave me. I became mad at this; so much so that I dashed across the floor and held her with an iron-like grip, and as your mother's eyes met mine, I saw right through them, and deep into the heart of your mother's soul - that savage, beautiful creature - which was looking at me. Whatever I could do to your mother's body, I realised that I could not get her soul, for the Almighty would reach his hands on that pure, untainted part of her that I so desperately wanted and loved, and yet I could not get.

"I once again asked your mother to come to me, hoping against hope that she would, but she did not. Her reasoning gave her wisdom enough to ;eave me, and no matter what I said, none of it made any difference; for your mother's mind was already made up. But in one last, final attempt to keep her with me, I asked your mother to think over all that I had just said in her room, and to think of me as she did so.

"I realise now that at that very moment, that was when my soul started to belong to Despair; for it was beginning to crash against the rocks there on Despair's black, stormy waters, and the white ship of Hope was nowhere in sight. I fell to my knees and put my head on the seat of the sofa that your mother had occupied so much, and let out a deep, strong sob as I did so. I heard your mother's soft footsteps head towards the door, but they came back; and a second later I felt my head being lifted up and turned round by one of her soft, delicate little hands, as with the other she removed the hair from my face and kissed my cheek, saying that she hoped that God would keep me safe from harm, and that He would repay any kindness that I had ever given your mother. The boat of Hope came towards me then, slowly but surely on the horizon, before I told your mother that her love would have been my best reward, and that without it my heart was broken. I then asked her to come to me once more, but before I could hold her in my arms, she fled, and the boat of Hope stayed exactly where it was, never moving, not doing anything, as the black, choppy waters of Despair, on which my soul was struggling against, were trying to engulf me under their deep, dark, murky waters."

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**So, that's it for chapter 12. I hope that you all liked it, and that you enjoyed all the stuff about the constant battle between Hope and Despair, which I think are really important points in his story. So next up is what he did after Jane was gone; what happened for those first two months without her in his life and the second fire will all be written about in the next chapter. So until then, please R&amp;R and tell your friends about this story (well, if they like this sort of thing, that is). Until I write again, then.**


	13. Chapter 13

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey, guys. K.J.A. here again. I hope that you all really liked the last chapter, and I have to say that this chapter and the next one are going to be pretty shorter than the others, but I think that's only because Jane isn't in the picture, and that I am going to try and do as brief a summary of what his life was like without Jane in it for as possible, and hope that you will not hate me for doing that. I hope that I have gotten everything in that you guys all want to know about, and I hope that you all enjoy this chapter.**

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Chapter 13 – Two Months Alone and The Second Fire

I cried as I remembered such painful memories. I couldn't help it, nor for a very long time could I stop them as they flowed down my cheeks. I had promised myself after I had married Jane that I would put such painful recollections behind me, just as Jane had instructed me to do, and indeed, I have done so for many years now; but when my children asked me to tell them my tale of how I met their mother, all those painful memories were brought back to me. My children didn't know how much it hurt me to tell them such things, and I could not blame my children, for they were not to blame for what I had done, and they had the right to know the full story, but it still did not make the pain go away. I turned my head from them, my pride injured once more, for I did not want my children to see me cry. After a few moments, though, Janet came up to me and put her arms around me in comfort, as she sobbed into my neck. We were like that for a long time, Janet and I, holding each other, and sobbing into each other; and when we felt like we could cry no more, we let go. I gave Janet my gratitude for comforting me, which she returned with a smile before returning to sit next to her brother, who I saw had tears in his own eyes. We spent a few more minutes drying our eyes and steadying our breaths, before I continued telling the story.

"So, Papa," Janet spoke first, "what happened next?"

"Well, my dear," I said, "after I had cried as much as my heart could to try and rid itself of all the pain it was facing, I then went back to my room; and as I knew that sleep would escape me that night – for how could I sleep with the knowledge that your mother thought of leaving me that night? – I started to pace. Pacing felt good, for when I was moving it helped to steady my thoughts slightly and helped me think straight; for if I sat down for even a few seconds, I found that my thoughts were whirling and spinning around so fast that I could do nothing to slow them down, and that's why I paced. I thought it best to give your mother the space she desired in order to think over everything that she had said, and then in the morning when we were both a bit calmer, we could talk about what had happened between us, and that we would be able to come to an arrangement and therefore get rid of the ridiculous notion that she was going to leave me; for the very idea of your mother leaving me, never hearing her voice or her laughter ever again; never to touch her hair, see her smile, taste her lips; never to have her voice teasing me again, and worst of all, to never look into those beautiful, radiant eyes to where her soul lay beneath them, and see the sunlight burst through them, these were all unbearable, agonisingly painful thoughts to me, so therefore I thought that it would be best that she stayed with me, for I could not live without her – but as you'll soon see, this was not meant to be.

"Early the next morning, as the sun was beginning to rise and I was pacing, I thought that I heard the slightest shuffling of a foot outside my door, which made me pause, wait and listen; but as I heard nothing, I sighed and continued on with my pacing. If I had known back then that it was your mother – for indeed, your mother it was, my lambs – outside my door, I would have opened my door at that moment, pulled her into my arms and would never have let her go; but now, now that things have changed and I see reason and wisdom now than I did, I would have let her go, for it was the right thing to do.

"Anyway, when I looked out of the window the next morning and saw that the sun had risen good and proper in the sky, and had reasoned with myself that now was a good time as any to call for your mother, I rang the bell. I then heard a knocking on my door a few minutes later. I told whoever it was to come in, and Leah entered. She looked rather alarmed at the fact that I was still wearing the same clothes as the previous day, but I didn't care for my appearance at that moment; instead, I just told her to go and see if your mother was awake and told her to tell your mother that if she was and when she was looking decent, to join me in the drawing-room, for I wished to speak with her. To my surprise though, Leah came back to me in a minute or so, saying that your mother was not in her room, and that some bread had been taken from the kitchens.

"I wasn't too worried by this point, and seeing as it was a lovely day, I told Leah to send some people to look in the gardens for her. She obliged, and came back later on, saying that she was not there, either. She was also not to be found in the drawing-room, dining room or the nursery, and when I was just about to ask someone to go and look for your mother in the library, Mrs Fairfax came to me and told me that Adele was rather upset, because she went to the schoolroom, hoping to find your mother there, and she could not find her there. I suppose that seeing as Adele had not seen your mother the day before, that she wanted an explanation for why your mother and I were still here and also wanted some comfort to be given to her, the poor child.

"Anyway, by this point, I was really starting to worry about where on Earth your mother could be, and so I instructed the house to be searched from top to bottom. Mrs Fairfax said that she would do as I asked, and left me. Once she had, I paced harder than I had done the night before, thinking – and hoping – that your mother had not left me, could _not_ have left me; that she loved me so much – she had said so herself the night before – and for that reason alone, I thought that she would never hurt me in that way; but when Mrs Fairfax came back and told me that your mother was nowhere to be found in the house, that was when I saw the white ship of Hope fade slowly but surely away from me, and I felt the rocks start to crumble as the black sea of Despair was slowly rising up and willing to drag me down into its deep, dark, bleak depths: for what Mrs Fairfax said could only mean one thing –"

"Mama had left you," Eddie finished for me.

"Yes, my son, she had left me. I remember that for a few seconds after Mrs Fairfax had told me the news, I felt that everything had stopped and slowed down. I could not comprehend the words that Mrs Fairfax was speaking to me, and indeed, I didn't notice her as I pushed passed her out of my room, and ran down the hall to where your mother's room was at the time. I looked around it, and almost everything was where it had been before she had left. All she had taken with her were a few dresses, some trinkets that she had and her drawings; oh, of all the things she had to take, I wished that she would have left them behind, for her drawings spoke of her soul, and they were the things that would have brought me the most comfort for sure. Anyway, I saw that most of her dresses still remained in her wardrobe, the wedding dress was laid out on the bed, where she must have put it after she had done with it, as was the veil; and when I opened up the drawers to see what else your mother had left behind, I saw the little pearl necklace that I had bought for her to wear on our "wedding day". I felt the pearls fall through my fingers, and then I tied it around my neck. I know it sounds silly, my dears, for me to have done so, but I was determined that I would wear it until your mother came home to me. I then turned to Mrs Fairfax who had followed me from my room, and I told her to get John to have my horse ready; for I was determined to journey to the world's end to find your mother (if that was necessary), just to prove to her that I loved her; and to make sure that she was safe; for at that time, I remember that she had very little money, and little means to take her so very far away from me, and that it was only a matter of time before all the little that she had in the world would be gone. Besides, I was not about to lose her that easily, oh no.

"And so, as soon as my horse was ready, I was off. I do not remember much of where I went , but I do remember that I travelled fitfully that day, hardly stopping in my quest to find your mother. I asked many people, and knocked on many doorsteps whether they had seen her passing, but I was always made disappointed. I then took to looking behind every bush, every big rock, every nook and cranny out there in the wilderness that would have been big enough for your mother's small form to hide behind, but still I found no sign of her; and seeing that it was getting well on in the day by this point, I decided to return to Thornfield, no longer calling it my home; for without your mother's presence there to comfort me, it was once more the prison that it had been before your mother had entered its walls and changed my life.

"So, after a day where I had fitfully searched the surrounding areas for your mother but to no apparent avail, I returned home in a bitter, disappointed state of mind than I had ever been. I was told that my supper was waiting for me in the library, but I told them to send it back, for I could not eat. I was by now too anxious of all the possible things that could have happened to your mother: she could have been abused, disrespected, shunned upon, made an outcast amongst strangers, but above all else, she could have been murdered; and as much as I tried to remove this last thought from my mind, it continued to haunt me, as it did for two months afterwards.

"I went to your mother's room, then (which in the two months without your mother, became a sort of shrine to me, which I visited first thing in the morning when I woke, and the last thing I saw at night, before I went to bed, just memorising every little detail that I could, and thus remembering her, and all the good that she had done to me). As soon as I shut the door behind me, I went to her bed, pulled her wedding dress in my hands and held it to my face, feeling the soft fabric, and smelling her sweet scent of lavender (I'm sure that there is nothing else on this Earth that smells as pure and as sweet as your mother does). It was only then that I leaned my head, with the dress still in my hands – on your mother's bed – as my knees gave out beneath me, and I cried such bitter, anguished tears, wanting to tell your mother with all my heart how sorry I was; and speaking of my heart, I once again felt the icy spikes that had grown there once before, but this time when they grew there, they consumed my heart entirely and left it frozen. Hardened. And there was nothing or no one that could melt the ice, no one, except the person that I wanted to see most in the world, but could not; for she had flown in the night on those wings which had once rescued me from the fiery pit, only to send me hurtling towards it once more; and that person was, of course, you mother: my fairy, my one redeemer and my true angel of light, who had vanished, just as her people had done all those years ago.

"And so, the start of my life without your mother in it had begun."

"You didn't give up trying to find her that easily, though, did you, Papa?" Janet asked.

"No, I did not, Janet. I was determined to find her, but just to make sure that she was safe; for I knew that if I went to her, trying to bring her back with me, she would be just as stubborn as ever, and would have told me straight that we could never be together as long as my wife was still living. So I wrote to people, who knew others in lines of businesses where they could find those who were lost. I also asked people in neighbouring towns and villages to ask them to help me find her, for I was a desperate man and I needed all the help that I could get.

"This was not the only thing that happened at Thornfield, oh no: for you see, my dears, that for the first two months after your mother left me, and after I had got into bed at night, I always had dreams that an officer of the law would come knocking on my door, and would tell me in some way or other that something terrible would have happened to your mother. When I woke and found that it was just a dream, I was relieved of course, but then I remembered that there was no sign of her, and for two straight months, day-in, day-out, I would sit in my study, hoping for some word of her, and when none came, I grew angry in my desperation, turned to drinking (which didn't help, because I still remembered what had happened when I woke the next day), visited your mother's old room as I had in the morning's, go to sleep, have nightmares about your mother, and thus, the cycle repeated itself for two months.

"During these two months, I also started to take care of the household: for no matter where I went, I was always reminded of your mother: in the form of Adele, her old student, or of some book she had read to me that we had talked about when I asked for her opinion on something. I also heard the servants talking about your mother in the hall; they would stop whenever they saw me coming out of fear of hurting me, but it didn't do any good. I therefore took to removing some of the servants, sending Mrs Fairfax away to some friends of hers at a distance, and settled an annuity with her for life; for she was a good woman, who deserved it. I then sent Adele to school – she did not take that quietly – and Sophie went back to France, after I had found another position for her. I then took to making sure that all the curtains were shut; for when the sun shone through the windows, their rays always reminded me of your mother's eyes, and they seemed to mock me, because the sun could shine on me, whereas your mother could not do that anymore; and indeed, in those days, I did not feel the sun, for black clouds were always over me, and the only true, pure burst of the sunlight that I see before me is in the shape of your mother; for only she has the power to outshine the very sun itself.

"I also received letters from some of the old company I used to keep (seeing as my secret had now been revealed, I knew that it wouldn't be too long before people started talking about me), and they were all to the same effect, really: that I was a despicable, old brute, who had no right in deceiving a poor, young girl the way I had and deserved everything that was coming to me. The Dent's and the Lynn's have long-since apologised to me and have wished me well, but the Ingram's have wanted nothing more to do with me, nor I them; and that is why they will not be mentioned for the remainder of this story. Oh, and do not ask me what happened to Blanche, because I do not know, and nor do I really care, either."

"What about Mr Eshton, Father?" Eddie asked.

"I was just coming to him, actually. Eshton decided to pay me a visit about a month after your mother had left me. I was looking a mess, which was true, seeing as I never ventured out of doors anymore, took to drinking more than I have ever done in my despair, had not eaten properly since your mother had left me and slept terribly at night, for thinking that she could be dead; for what pleasure lay out there in the world for me, without your mother with me, I might ask you?"

"I'm just curious, Papa, but did you ever think of finding it with other women? Sorry, if I've offended you or anything, it's just …" Eddie finished rather lamely.

I looked at him silently for a few moments before I answered him, "To be honest, my boy, I did think of that thought only once, before turning strongly against it. As I have told you both before, I did not wish to return to that life after your mother met me, and besides, I was by now too strongly in love with your mother to try and distract my thoughts in the presence of another woman's arms; for your mother's arms were the only ones that I wanted wrapped around me now."

Janet nodded in agreement at what I had just said, clearly relieved that I had not gone back to that life as her brother was before she said, "And Mr Eshton?"

"Well, me and Eshton talked for a long time. He said that he was disappointed in me for what I had tried to do after I had told him my story (for he did not listen to the rumors, because he did not know what to make of them, and wanted to hear the tale from the mouth of his good friend instead, so that he could hear the truth of the matter, instead of all the insults and such that came out of people's mouths when they spoke of me, after friend had told other friends about me and what I had almost done), but that he would not turn his back on me, and nor would his family. When I asked him why this was, he told me that it was because we had been such good friends for a really long time; and that when two friends are _true_ friends, they always stick beside one another, through the good times as well as the bad, and he went on to say that he was here to help me find your mother, too, in order to get me some peace of mind. I thanked him for this, before we parted good ways as usual, and he went off to join the search parties."

"Papa, was there ever a time when you stepped outside the house?" Jane then asked me.

"Only at night, my lamb, when I walked through the gardens, smelling all the fresh, sweet scents that the Earth has to offer (although, none is more sweeter to me than your mother's is to me, that's for sure). Your mother and I both find the evening and the night rather pleasant, you know, and that was the only time when I allowed myself to think of your mother, when I was enjoying the peace and the serenity of the garden, whilst looking at the moon and the stars, if there were any shining, that is. I thought of all the pleasant times your mother and I ever had together, brushing aside the memories of the nightmares for the time being, and wondering if she was safe, and if she ever thought of me and if she still loved me, as I hoped she did. I did not pray to God back then, oh no; I blamed him instead of myself for pushing your mother away from me, and told Him that if your mother ever did die, that I would blame Him even more so, rather than blaming myself; even though I see now that in reality I am the one who is to blame for all that your mother had to endure; but as I was desperate for happiness, I defied everything that I had done, and instead blamed it on someone with a higher power than my own. It was foolish of me to do so, I know, but I was angry at the world and at God for taking away my then only treasure at the time, and that is why I kept myself to myself in those days.

"And so, the days turned to weeks, and before I knew it, two months had gone."

"So you keep saying, Father," Eddie said. "But how is it that we are here now? And why are you without an arm, and only have one eye; and speaking of your eyes, what on Earth happened to your other eye?"

I took a deep breath and said, "Well, my lad, that brings us to just after the first two months had gone by after your mother left me. I remember the night well, as if it were only yesterday. It started off peaceful enough, until I was woken by one of my nightmares. Then I smelled smoke lingering through the air, and curious to know who was starting a fire at this time of night – after all, I was still half-asleep when I got up – I got out of bed, put on my robe, went out the door and looked up and down the gallery, and it was then that I woke up good and proper; for there was smoke billowing profusely from your mother's old room, and I could just see through the smoke, the form of a woman with black hair, who was laughing as she made her way back up the stairs to the third-storey room."

"Bertha had set fire to Mama's bed?" Eddie said incredulously.

"The night of the second fire," Janet breathed.

"Yes, my dears, you are both correct. Bertha had indeed kindled a fire for the second time, but in this case, it was your mother's old dwelling place that she went to, and not mine. I was glad that your mother was away from her, and that she was not in her bed then, and angry at Bertha for starting a fire in your mother's old room; but then I remembered the servants and that they were still in danger, so I quickly rushed around from room to room, waking them as quickly as I could before getting them all safely out of doors; for the fire had well spread by this point; and as much as I did not want to do it, some small part of me did not want Bertha to perish in the flames, too, so I rushed back inside. I then heard people below shouting that she was on the roof (she thought that she could fly, you see; that's how mad she was), and I knew what she was going to try and do, and I knew that I would have to stop her, for I did not want her to die that way."

"What happened?" Eddie asked.

"Well, I tried to help her, but as soon as she saw me she yelled one last yell of hatred before she jumped off the roof, her brains and blood splattered on the pavement below her."

"Oh, how awful," Janet said, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Then what happened?" Eddie asked.

"Well, seeing as there was nothing more that I could do about Bertha, I started to head back downstairs, and as I reached the main staircase, a voice in my head said, _"Why don't you just stay here and let the fire consume you? After all, your Jane could be dead by now; what more have you got to live for?"_ Maddening thoughts, I know; but then Reason took over and said: _"But what if she still lives? Surely she would not want to find you dead?"_ I acknowledged that Reason was right, but I realised that I had been standing still for far too long; for the next thing I knew, I felt the floor move from under me, and I was plunged into unconsciousness ..."

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**So, that's the end of this chapter. I know, it's another cliff hanger, but this is my story, so just deal with it. Anyway, I hope that you all really enjoyed this chapter, and if you would like me to add anything into the next chapter - which will be about when Rochester discovers that he is blind and talks to his kids about the next ten months were like for him - then by all means, let me know. Alternatively, if you would just like me to keep going as I have been by making this stuff out of my head as I go along and hoping that I have done this timeless story justice, then please let me know that, too. Don't be strangers and please R&amp;R. Thank you.**


	14. Chapter 14

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey guys. K.J.A here again. I hope you all liked the last chapter. Needless to say that for me that last one was one of the hardest chapters for me to write, for I had to keep on adding and updating, and I'm pretty sure that it's not one of the strongest chapters that I've done, but I hope that if I have missed anything out, could you please let me know, and I will do what I can to add your thoughts in, as with this one. Thank you and enjoy this chapter.**

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Chapter 14 – Crippled, Blind and another 10 Months of Loneliness

My children looked at me with attentive eyes and baited breaths, willing me to go on, but I did not continue just yet; for even though it had been many years since my accident, my pride was still quite wounded whenever it came to this part; and my dear children, knowing that I was not going to be the one to proceed in the story first, had to be the ones to set the ball rolling for me once again.

"What happened next, Papa?" Janet asked me.

"Well," I replied slowly, "I remained out cold for quite some time. I was later told that after a couple of minutes had passed, my servants began to worry about me, so they along with some of the men from Millcote (they had seen the flames rising from the house and knew that something had happened) quickly set about to putting out the flames and then rescue me from where I was lying under the rubble. After I was removed carefully (because I was in a rather delicate position at the time), I was then transported to the Rochester Arms, which as you know is the inn at Millcote. All my old servants had come with me, and would stay with me until I was well enough and would dismiss some of them, which I was grateful for, and even more grateful for one of them for ordering me a room there. In the interim of all this chaos, Carter was called for to attend to my injuries and I awakened in his presence, and he then poured some horrid medicine down my throat.

"I became aware of a throbbing pain in my left arm when I awoke, and when I tried to touch it and found that I could do no such thing; and when I tried to see, I found that there was something blocking my sight. I flailed my arms around madly then, trying to remove the blasted thing that was covering my eyes, when I was stopped by Carter's voice. My mind was moving rather slowly, and when he asked me if I remembered anything, bits and pieces started to slowly form together into a picture: me sleeping in my bed, then awaking to the smoke, seeing the fire, getting the servants to safety, Bertha and then blackness. When I asked Carter about Bertha and Thornfield, he told me that she had died and that the Hall was now a blackened ruin. I was then informed by Carter that I was in the Rochester Arms, and when he told me that I had some injuries, I pressed him to tell me what he knew: he said that my left hand was so badly injured that he had to amputate it and there was a bandage over it (which was removed about a week or two later), and that I was now blind in one eye. I also had a bandage over my right eye, which had been inflamed. I asked Carter whether the sight would improve, and all he told me was that it might, but that in the meantime we would have to sit tight and hope for the best, for that was all we could do for the time being.

"I will not lie to you, my dears," I said, after a few painful moments had passed for me; "these were painful things for me to discover, but none more so than the one which I was about to discover two weeks later."

"Why? What happened?" Eddie asked.

"Well, my boy, I'll get to that soon, but first I must say that for those first two weeks, I felt like a prisoner, confined to my room. I got used to how many steps there were from the door to the window, and thus I took to pacing once more, for I was hoping to get out of that room and recommence my search in finding your mother, for I thought that I could do well with just one arm and one good eye (how mistaken I was going to be proven soon); for I was now a free man, and therefore I could find your mother and ask her to be mine once more. I started to get excited at finding her for myself, bringing her home and making her mine. I felt the waves of the sea of Despair starting to settle, as with each day that passed, the white ship of Hope drew closer to me, as my soul climbed up the rocks and stood on the land steady, willing the ship to come quickly and rescue me from those dreadful seas, as sunlight began to shine through the clouds above.

"At last, the day came for Carter to come and take off my bandage. I was excited at first, and as he removed the bandage and told me after he had done so to slowly open my eye, which I did, I was disappointed for I saw … _nothing_. All was black. At this, I felt the rocks starting to quake at my feet and start to crumble, as the ship started to turn slowly away from me. The sea of Despair started to rise up once more as the sky turned black and stormy once more, covering up any trace of the sunlight that had once been there, and lightning flashed; its forks hitting the water, which only made it even more angry. This was terrible news for me, for this only meant one thing: I could not keep searching for your mother anymore. At this, my heart sank, and the pain that I felt when I realised this was almost unbearable.

"Anyway, when I informed Carter that I couldn't see anything, he told me to turn my head to the window. I obliged, wondering what the deuce this had to do with anything, when I saw a faint beam of light streaming through. When I told Carter about this and asked him what it meant, he told me that it could mean that some of my sight could come back to me over time, or that I could lose it for ever. When I heard this, I was disgruntled; not because I knew that I could never get my sight back (which did upset me greatly, I admit), but also because I knew that I could not find your mother. Something must have shown on my face, for Carter said that I should consider myself to be alive after what I went through. _Well, half alive_, I thought to myself. And now you know, my dears, of how I am to be what I am now," I finished simply.

My children were terribly upset by what I had told them, and seeing as they had nothing to say, I continued, "I know it's horrible, my dears, but don't worry, I will tell you some good stuff, just give me time. Anyway, Eshton came to see me just after I had been moved to Ferndean Manor, where we are now. This came about by Carter, who told me and the rest of my servants who had stayed loyal to my side after my accident – that when I was fit enough to move, that I should go somewhere else. I knew the perfect place, just ten miles outside of Millcote (I am of course, talking about Ferndean), and Carter agreed that this would be the right thing to do. I then dismissed the rest of my staff – besides John and Mary – thanking them all for their loyal service to me over the years, before I then wished them well in all their future career prospects. Some of them found places to work in Millcote, whereas the others split up and moved to London, to see whether they could find work there. But I am once again getting off topic.

"Anyway, Eshton came to see me, and after telling me that he was sorry to hear about what had happened to me, he then set about telling me that there was still no sign of your mother, but they would not give up trying to find her. I then told him that they should give up, and allow your mother to live in peace, and be free to lead her own life without me in it, painful as it was to say. Eshton started to argue with me, but when he saw that I wasn't going to change my mind, he agreed to do so. We parted on good terms as always, and he left me to carry out what I had instructed him to."

"You were giving up?" Janet said, surprised at my actions. "Just like that? But why, Papa?"

"Because, my dear, with me being the way I was with my injuries, I did not want your mother to have the responsibility of taking care of me, not out of love, but out of pity instead, which I could not bear. Besides, it hurt my heart even more when I realised that if she ever did return to me, that not only could I not force her to remain by my side, as much as I wanted to – for she was free to live her own life and do as she pleased, whereas I could not do so anymore – but also the fact that I would never be able to see her again: her smile, her hair, her form, and above all, those beautiful eyes that I have never stopped falling into, and this latter thought was the one which pained me above all others, which always had the tears springing to my eyes.

"Anyway, before I get back to your mother, I then got a surprise visit from Richard Mason, about a month after I had resided at Ferndean. I could tell that he was shocked by my appearance, but I told him that he had nothing to fear from me, and that I had neither the strength nor the energy to do the man any harm. He asked me what had happened to his sister, and so I told him everything that had happened with the fire and about her death, and that I had done everything that I could have in order to keep her safe, and that I tried to help her from jumping to her death. He cried, of course; and I admit that I did feel sorry for the man, for he did care a lot about his sister when she lived, you know. He asked me where she was, and I told him that she was buried at Thornfield, next to all of my ancestors. I wanted her to be taken back to Jamaica with Mason, so that she could be buried in her hometown (for w had never been husband and wife when she had lived, and I thought that it would have been better if she had been buried in the place where she had grown up and loved), but I was unfortunately told by Eshton that this plan was not possible, for when I was at the Rochester Arms, Bertha's funeral had already taken place. I told Richard all this, of course, and he told me that he was glad that I at least had tried to save his sister; that I was there for her when he was not, that he was truly sorry for what had happened to me and that he hoped that I would find happiness soon. I scorned those last words (for where was my happiness without your mother in my life?), but I thanked him anyway, and that was the last time I saw him.

"And thus began the rest of my life living without your mother in it (well, at least that's what I thought at the time, but I'll get to why this was later). I began keeping myself to myself once more, refusing to see anybody who dared come and see me; for the only person whose company I so desperately wanted was torn from me, whose whereabouts I knew not of. My thoughts were the only company I had in those days. I drifted off into my own mind and thought of the old dreams that used to haunt me of her dead; and when I did so, the lightning flashed more vigorously, and the sea of Despair stirred more frequently as it rose slowly up, and before they could drag me down into their deep, black depths, as I was holding on for dear life to one of the rocks, as I scrambled to hold on tight, I quickly shook off those black thoughts, and thought of the other more recent, gentle and yet mocking dreams: dreams where your mother had come back to me in some shape or form, and no matter what happened I always accepted her, telling her that I forgave her, that I should the one who should beg for her forgiveness, and that even though she broke my heart, I was still grateful to her for coming back to me; and then they would mock me, for I woke up; and when I discovered that I had been dreaming about her again, that I was still blind and that your mother was nowhere near me, I cried such bitter tears of hurt and regret.

"During this time, whenever I was awake and was not about to fall into the sea, I began to remember the shrine that I had gone to for comfort in your mother's old room at Thornfield, for I had it implanted perfectly in my memory; and when I went there, I would hope and pray that your mother was safe. Oh yes, my dears, I did pray for your mother in those days," I said, at my children's surprised expressions at this news, "for I at last had seen that it was truly me who had done wrong, and not the Almighty, and that I was the one to blame for pushing your mother away. I began to pray that your mother was safe and that she had not died, and also that I hoped that he would forgive me, as would she. They were brief prayers, but very sincere, still."

"What were you like without Mama, Papa?" Eddie asked me.

"Well, my boy, I became an even worse wreck than I had been before your mother left me. I no longer went out of doors, stayed cooped up inside all alone and hardly ever ate, and would often find myself quite cold, for I paid no proper attention to the fire in those days, my dears. I became cold and distant to John and Mary, and spent my days doing nothing, expecting nothing, leading a dreary, miserable, wretched life in the long months without your mother with me in my life, which had now turned, dark, cold, lonely and pretty much hopeless; for without your mother, I felt like I had nothing to live for: add to that fact that I was now mingling night with day, and the result you end up with is merely that I was a sad, injured man now, who suffered in silence, who felt himself abandoned by the one person who he loved most, and hoped with each passing day that his life might soon be over, so that he could enter the realm of eternal peace, where he hoped that there was a heavenly angel up there who was waiting for him to meet her (seeing as I thought that your mother was dead at the time, you can see why I thought the way I did).

"And my heart, oh my poor, aching heart! It longed for your mother, you know; for her love and affection, as did my soul, also. Craved it constantly. Never ceasing, no matter what happened. For when your mother left me, I became the shadow of my former self; and when your mother left me, she took a piece of me with her, which I could never find without her near me."

"Oh, Papa, that's so sad," Janet said.

"I know it is, my little lamb, but I did indeed think that way. I did do one good thing, though: I gave up on drinking wine altogether; for I began to see your mother's reasoning in those days as to why she left me, and therefore I took to try being a better person for her and for God, and thus started by giving up the drink."

"What was the worst time for you without Mama, Papa?" Eddie asked me.

"Well, Janet, that's an easy one. The answer is Christmas. You see, I've always had a particular disliking to the holiday, seeing no reason to celebrate it properly in my youth, when I wasn't truly happy; but that year was the worst, for your mother was not by my side. I detested it with her not there, and thought about what we would have been doing if we had been married by that point, and of how happy we could have been, our first proper Christmas together; but as you both well know, that never happened. Anyway, to my dismay, John and Mary had invited a few people round to Christmas dinner that year; and when I told them that they knew that I wanted to be alone, Mary said that she saw me lonely, that the company would do me some good and that no one would be staring at me (my pride was wounded, you know). But I was as firm and stubborn as ever, and told Mary that I would wait until everyone had left, before I came down to have my dinner, which is what happened.

"Getting back to the point of the matter, though: this was the next ten months without your mother in my life (and if you are keeping up, you will have noticed that these ten months, added to the other two that I spent without your mother _before_ the fire broke out, means that a year had gone by since your mother left me), and one night at the end of that long, hard, intolerable year, where I was sitting by the window in my room, with the window itself open, I felt refreshed to feel the sensation of a gentle summer breeze playing on my flesh; and by a vague, luminous glow, I knew that the moon was up. I am telling you this, my dears, because at that moment, I felt so wretched and so utterly miserable that I longed for your mother with both soul and flesh; and that if it pleased God, I asked him that I should be taken from this world and enter the one beyond the Veil, where I thought your mother would be waiting for me; for having had no word of where your mother could be in the world, I thought that she was dead."

"Oh, Papa," Janet said sadly, looking at me through such sad, sweet eyes.

"I know, dearest, but the good part's coming: for you see, my dears, I felt like I had been tormented enough, and had lived without your mother and tried to go on without her as much as I could, but I could not go on living like that anymore, and no longer could I endure such a life of misery and pain; and so the alpha and omega of my heart's wishes pleaded, as I cried your mother's name out loud, with such frantic energy that if anyone had been listening to me, they would have thought me mad. Anyway, as I said your mother's name, I succumbed at last to the black sea of Despair, and let go of the rock to which I was hanging on to, as the sky turned a fiery, blazing, burning red, and the white ship of Hope was almost fully out of my vision, when something most peculiar happened ..."

My children looked at each other, with looks of confusion and mixed excitement edged on their faces, for they detected some excitement to the last words I spoke; then they both looked at me, and Eddie said, "What happened, Papa?"

"Well, my boy, what happened was this: as I felt my soul letting go, its hand unconsciously grabbed on to a piece of rock and held on to it tightly, for at that moment, everything changed: the sea calmed and settled, the sky stopped being stormy and its hellish, reddy hues subsided, as the sunlight started to slowly shine through the clouds once again, and the white ship of Hope came back to get me, as my soul clambered up the rocks to the land which held steady, as a voice, a soft, sweet sounding voice said: "I am coming; wait for me", and then, a few moments later asked: "Where are you?" Oh, you cannot imagine how sweet and precious those words are to me even now, my dears; for without them, I would have given up on all hope completely, would not be where I am now and I would have fallen into the sea of Despair, never to rise again, for those words saved me that night, as the voice to whom those words belonged to had saved my life all those months ago from the first fire that Bertha had started."

Janet gasped, before she said, "It was Mama whose voice you heard! Mama answered your call, didn't she?" she finished excitedly, as she and Eddie looked at each other with the excitement that they were both feeling.

I smiled at their excitement as I said, "Yes, Janet, that was your dear mother's voice I heard, replying to me in the wind. I did not know where she was, nor how her voice came to me at that moment, but I do know that they were hers; for even though a year had gone by without me hearing the voice of the woman I loved so well, I knew at once that it was her voice that answered mine, which not only gave me comfort, but it gave me strength, strength that I had long needed. I did not know then what was going to happen, but if I did, there would not have been enough words to express the power of my feelings and emotions, as I would have sent up a big thanks to God for granting me another chance at life, and for forgiving me at last for all the hurt and the wrong that I had caused. I did not know then what was going to happen as I have just said, but I was sure that whatever happened, it was going to be good; for Hope was coming back to me, slowly but surely, sailing across the now calmer sea of Despair, which was slowly etching away from my soul."

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**Well, that's the end of chapter 14. The next chapter will be the soul mates reuniting. Please R&amp;R and I hoped that you enjoyed this chapter. Until I write again.**


	15. Chapter 15

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

_**"I'll come back; When you call me; No need to say goodbye."**_** \- The Call by Regina Spektor**

**Hey guys. K.J.A here again, thanking you for all the kind reviews for this chapter. All the quotes are taken from chapter 37, and the quote above describes this chapter. Listen to this song by the way, because it's brilliant. It's from _The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian_, just in case anyone is wondering and wants to know. And now, on with this chapter. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 15 – Jane Answers the Call Home

I could feel the excitement which radiated from my children tingling in the air as I said this. After a few moments of silence, Janet said, as her chest rose and fell with excitement, "So, then what happened, Papa? Did Mama come back to you?"

I laughed at this, and said, "Patience, my child, patience. You are getting ahead of yourself once more -"

"But she _did _come back to you, right?" Janet said anxiously, although her body still tingled with excitement.

I sighed at her impetuous curiosity and told her, "Yes, Janet, your mother _did_ come back to me in the end, but would you at least allow me to continue the events of my tale without getting ahead of myself?" We looked at each other steadily for a few minutes before she nodded her head in agreement. I nodded my head at her in acknowledgement and said, "So, for the next three days, I was besides myself with anxious thoughts. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was happy that I had heard your mother's voice once again, but the last three words that she spoke kept reverting around in my head: _"I am coming"_. I wondered consistently to myself if she was going to come to me at all, or whether this was going to be like another one of my dreams: that if she ever did come back to me, she would fade away like her people had done all those years ago, and break my heart once more. Besides, I was worried that if she ever did come back to me, that she would be repulsed by how I looked and would leave me, which would hurt me even more, and I never wanted that. I also worried that your mother's love for me would fade if she ever saw me again. But what worried me most was if she never did come to me. Sure, she meant it when she said it, but for al I knew, she could have been asleep at the time, and that those words that she spoke in her sleep weren't real, and if they weren't real, then surely she would not come to me; add to that, that she might just have been saying those words to perplex me, as she has done many times before. With those words spinning round my mind, I was not only almost driven into madness by them, but the black sea of Despair and the white ship of Hope were battling it out for dominion over my soul once more, but the only difference was that this time, they were both evenly matched: the sea was as beneath me as it had been when I scrambled back up onto the rocks, and the ship was just anchored in the distance, as the sun shone weakly through the dark grey clouds above, which obviously meant that I should not get my hopes up too high; for I had dreamt that your mother had come back to me many times before, and if she came back to me, I should not be too careful, for it could all be just that: another dream."

"But, Papa," Eddie said, "surely you must have known well enough at that point that Mama loved you so much, that she would come and remove your pain and put some life back into you?"

"I confess, my son, that I did not think of that thought at the time. You see, I knew that I wasn't a handsome man before my accident occurred, but afterwards, I seemed to disfigure more, and I forgot that your mother saw past my outward appearance and into my soul, that I did not see myself how she saw me. I still don't, you know. After all, I am a sarcastic, brooding, bad-tempered man, who had made many mistakes and had done many sinful things in my life before your mother entered my life, and whatever your mother saw within me, I am grateful for it; for without your mother, I am nothing, and she has brought out the best in me, the better part of myself that had been hidden for so long, and your mother was the first and only one who was able to see that and at last, bring that part of me back and out into the world for everyone to see."

"So, what happened next, Papa?" Janet asked, getting me back to the story once more. Her eagerness to know, for me to reveal _everything _to her, reminded me of how Jane used to react to my travels; for she always wanted me to divulge everything to her, too. I smiled at this thought.

"All right, all right, I'll get back to my tale now. So, as I was saying, three days had passed; and on the third night of the third day, a strange feeling, a sort of influence I think it was, urged me to go outside. At the time, I didn't know why this was, but I am glad that I did now, but I'll tell you why later. Anyway, as I was walking down the hall and to the door, I started to feel old memories rising as I went, of happier times that had once been, but I quickly pushed these thoughts from my mind, for those memories were forbidden to me now. I had learnt in the year that I spent without your mother to not get my hopes too high, after all the nights I spent dreaming about her either dead or coming back to me; so I quickly pushed those thoughts back and walked out the door.

"Once outside, I inwardly gasped, for I felt a strange energy in the air. I recall that it was raining that night, but that was not the energy I felt. This was a strange, electrical feeling, a feeling that I felt whenever - _but no_, I thought, _no, this was not true_. I thought that your mother was not there with me. She couldn't be here, I thought to myself. She just couldn't be. And yet, the strange buzz in the air could only lead to one explanation - but no; I would not allow myself to get my hopes up, only to have them dashed once more. I was quite relieved when I heard footsteps behind me. It was only John, wanting to know if I would take his arm, seeing as the rain had started to fall. I told him to leave me alone, for I did not want the company of a hireling. There was only one person's company - but no, I would not allow my thoughts to go there again, so I gingerly made my way back inside and to the back room once more.

"Once I was there, I made my way over to the fire place and leaned my head on my arms over the mantle. Pilot was lying close by me as I realised that I was thirsty, so I rang the bell and Mary entered. I told her that I wanted some water and my candles for the night -"

"You asked for candles to be brought to you, even though you were blind?" Eddie asked in surprise.

"Yes, I know what you must be thinking, my dears, but the sight in my right eye was quite dim, and I could see but a faint light when I beheld them, as I will tell you again later. Anyway, she told me that she would do so right away, but before she left, she told me that I had a visitor waiting. I was surprised at this, for I never had visitors, and I refused to see anybody; but if I had known who it was, I would have told Mary to send them in to see me right away, with no hesitation. But getting back to the point, I told Mary to tell whoever it was to send them in and proclaim their name and business here. Mary told me that she would do as I asked and then left me. There was a strange tone in her voice as she responded to me, and as I couldn't figure out what it was, I let it pass as I waited for her to come back to me with what I had ordered her to get, and I didn't have to wait long for Mary to come back - or at least, I thought it was Mary who had come back, for there was something rather off about her, starting with her tread across the floor, which was softer than Mary's was. I recognised the tread, along with the strange buzz that seemed to have entered with her from outside, and even Pilot seemed to notice that something was going on, for he ran up to "Mary", barking excitedly. The voice of "Mary" told him to lie down, and I turned my head at the voice - for it was not Mary's who had answered - to try and _see _what was going on, but seeing as I of course _saw_ nothing, I sighed and asked "Mary" to give me the water.

"Pilot was still barking excitedly as "Mary" handed me the water, but the voice did not say anything to me, but instead told Pilot to lie down once more. I stopped the water on the way to my lips, listening intently to what was going on around me; for after I had been made blind, my other senses became heightened; and after "Mary" had said this, I listened more carefully to what was going on around me, trying to paint a picture in order to decipher what was going on, for I was starting to get an image of the woman who was before me, and everything from the strange buzz in the air to the tone - which I now realised was barely-expressed excitement - now started to make sense, and yet, it also seemed to me to be highly impossible. I therefore put the glass down and asked her if she was indeed Mary, but before she said the words "Mary is in the kitchen", I already knew the answer. And those five words; those five agonizingly glorious words which both made my heart hammer as it had not done in a year, but also made it ache at the same time, for I had never longed for my lost sight so than I did at that moment.

"I tried to reach for her, to feel the form of the voice who spoke to me, but as I _saw_ nothing as I have already said, I quickly stopped. As I was afraid that the voice had quickly faded away with the air, I demanded that whoever had spoken to speak again, and the voice willingly replied, teasing me by asking if I would have a little more water, as she had spilt most of it on the tray. It was then that I realised who it was; for everything from her voice to her manner was so recognisable to me."

"It was Mama, wasn't it?" Janet said excitedly. "She had answered your call? She had come back to you?"

I grinned at her before I continued: "That's right, Janet. It was your mother, and she had indeed answered my call. Anyway, at the time, I thought that it was a dream, a delusion, and that madness had finally consumed me as I tried to reach out for whoever had spoken to me; and when they did not touch me because of my blindness, I was even more convinced that I had gone mad, so instead I demanded the voice to speak again, and the voice (for indeed, I did think that it _was _just a voice that had answered me) asked me in her kind and gentle manner if I would have any more water, seeing as she had spilt half of it in the glass. Oh, it was just like your mother to tease me like that, to brush off my demands and speak with her own. I still thought that I was sinking further into madness, so I asked again who spoke, and the voice told me that John and Mary knew that she was here, and that Pilot knew her too. I then voiced my fears of madness to God, along with asking what delusion had come over me. Your mother's voice told me that no delusion or madness had come over me, and that my mind was too strong for delusion, and my health too sound for frenzy. I was becoming more frantic with these words, for I was getting no real answer, and seeing as I could not contain my anguish for much longer, and so I told whoever it was that they should be perceptible to the touch (for seeing as I could not see with my eyes, my hands would have to do instead), for I felt that my heart would stop and my brain burst, and I could not live without feeling whoever it was who I was speaking to.

"I groped desperately, wanting so much to feel the warmth of the woman who I loved so well, as I thought that she was not real, and that I was going to be disappointed once more; but I was not kept disappointed for long, as I felt my restless, groping hand being surrounded by the comfort of your mother's hands gently, softly holding mine, and as soon as I felt her, she breathed new life into me once more. My soul felt the seas of Despair etching away again, as the sunlight broke through the clouds even more, sending the ship of Hope steering towards me once more.

"Anyway, once I had felt your mother's hand (I knew it was her at once, for I knew her fingers as well as my own), I then wanted to feel the rest of her, to make sure that she was indeed all there and that I was not descending into madness. I was left disappointed as I let go of her, but only for a second, though, as I felt her arm, shoulder and waist, and then drew her into my arms, and held her close to my heart, just as I had always dreamt of doing ever since I lost my sight. I held her in my arms, holding onto her for dear life, and swearing that I would never let go of her from that moment on. I then asked if it was your mother who had come back to me, for even though I felt her, I was still convinced that I was in a dream once more. She told me that it was indeed her and that she had come back to me. I could only say your mother's name, my shock was so great and that was all my heart would allow me to say. Your mother then told me that she had found me out and had come back to me. When I asked her if this was true, your mother told me (rather teasingly, I might add) if she thought that I thought whether she was vacant like air or cold like a corpse. I then went on to say to your mother that even though I held her and felt her form, I still could not believe that it was her, and that I should be so blest after all that I had suffered. I told her that it was like one of the many dreams that I had had before, when I got to hold her in my arms, press her to my heart and kiss her once more. Oh, how good it felt to feel those sweet lips on mine once more; for as I kissed her, I felt the icy shards that consumed my entire heart start to melt, and the flame light it up again, and start it beating once more. Anyway, I then went on to tell your mother that I felt that your mother loved me, and trusted that she would not leave me? When I heard from your mother's lips that she would never leave me from that day on. I still thought that she must have been a vision, and told her as much, adding that I always woke and found it to be an empty mockery, that I was desolate and abandoned with my life dark, lonely and hopeless before me, with my soul athirst and forbidden to drink, and my heart famished and never to be fed. I thought that I was dreaming and that she was a part of my dream, and that she would escape me as she always did when I woke; and so before I "woke" I asked her to embrace and kiss me.

"As I waited for her to do so as I kept my tears hidden, for I was clearly having a dream, as I thought at that moment; but when she put her lips to my closed eyes and the scar on my forehead, I then realised that I was not under the influence of sleep, that I was really awake, and that your mother had indeed come back to me, I saw the sun bursting through the clouds which were finally parting, as the ship of Hope came closer to me. The sea of Despair I could not hear anymore at that moment. I then asked your mother once again whether it was her and that she had indeed come back to me, she replied that she had. I then voice my worst fears, asking her if she was not lying dead under some ditch, or made an outcast amongst strangers. She said that she had not, and then said that she was an independent woman. I had not expected to hear those words come from her lips, and when I asked her what she meant by this, your mother informed me that her uncle in Madeira had died and left her five thousand pounds. I was then even more convinced that I was awake, but I was also worried that, seeing as she was rich, that she would have friends who would care for her, and that she would not want to devote herself to a blind lameter, such as myself was in those days. She told me that she was her own mistress as well as an independent woman, which tortured me, for I did not know whether she wanted to stay with me for love, and not out of pure pity alone; for she also told me that she would build a house next to mine, and would be comfortable with being my nurse and my companion, who would come to read to me at nights, and would never leave me.

"Anyway, I then asked her if she would stay with me, and she told me that she would do so. I then fell silent as she said those words, for truly I did not know what to say to her. After a few minutes had passed where I was lost in my thoughts, I felt your mother withdrawing, but I slowly pulled her back, telling her that she could not go, for I had touched her, felt her, and was comforted by her. I could not give up those thoughts; nor could I let her go away from me so easily again. I had so little of myself back in those days, my dears; for everything that was good in my life had fled with your mother, the day she broke my heart and left me. My soul demanded her - for she was my rescuer on that white ship of Hope - and I told her that my soul demanded her, and that my soul should be demanded, or it would take deadly vengeance on its frame if it didn't have the one thing that it desired above all other things on this Earth: your mother. I wondered what she say and how she would react: whether she would leave me with scorn, or stay with me with pity in her heart because of my injuries.

"I waited with baited breath for her response, and after an eternity, she told me that she would stay with me. I was torn between joy and guilt: joy because she had friends and money, and could go and do as she pleased, whereas I could not; and guilt in knowing that if she stayed with me, she would be condemned to stay with passing a life at my side, being around my hand and chair, wasting her life away by helping me in all my daily needs, which I told her. I then asked her if she thought that I should have none but fatherly feelings for her, and asked her for what she thought. Your mother told me that she would think as I liked, and that she would be content to be my nurse, but only if I thought it best. Those words were torture to me, because even though I wanted her to stay, I did not want her to stay because she pitied me; so I told her that she must not always condemn herself to be my nurse, and that she must marry someday. She replied stubbornly that she did not care about being married, which I almost laughed at. I told her that she should care, and if I was what I once was that I would try to make her care. I then sank into dejection, for it was useless trying to make her see what I did.

"Your mother then felt that she should distract me, saying that I looked something like a lion and that my hair reminded her of eagles' feathers, and then said that she did not know whether my fingers looked like birds' claws, for she had not noticed them yet. I told her that my left arm had neither a hand nor nails (I had forgotten to mention, my dears, that in those days I kept my left arm hidden in my shirt out of force of habit, for I was ashamed by the useless limb, and I was influenced by my pride for not wanting anyone to see it), as I pulled it out and showed it to her, saying that it was a mere stump and a ghastly sight, and asked your mother what she thought."

"What did she tell you, Papa?" Eddie said.

"Well, my son, she told me that it was a pity to see it, and my eyes and the scar on my forehead, and that the worst of it was that she was in fear of loving me too much and making too much of me. Her gentle words did not surprise me, because I knew her; what did surprise me though, was the fact that she wasn't repulsed by me; and when I confessed that fear to her, she asked me if that's what I thought, and that I shouldn't tell her so, lest she should say something disparaging against my judgement, and then went on to say that she was going to leave me for an instant so that she could have the hearth swept and a decent fire made. She then asked me if I could see it, and told her that it was a ruddy gaze; then she asked me whether I could see the candles, to which I told her that I could see them very dimly, and that they were both a luminous cloud. I then heard your mother's foot tread right in front of me, and asked me if I could see her, and I told her that I could not, though I was only too thankful that I could hear and feel her, which was perfectly true, despite the fact that my heart was bleeding inwardly at the thought that I could never see her again. She asked me when I took supper, to which I replied that I never did, and then she told me that I would have some that night, for she was hungry, and so was I, only that I forgot. She said this in a playful tone, and I was comforted. Nothing comforts me like your mother; and indeed I was comforted, right through supper and afterwards as we talked. I in the interim, tried to draw her out by asking her questions about where she had been and what she had been doing in the past year, but to my dismay, it seemed that she was not going to tell me all that night, and gave me only very small replies. Her pleasant aim, as it were, was to comfort me, and comforted I was, unless there came a pause in the conversation for about a minute; then I would grow restless, reach out and touch her and spoke her name, to convince myself that I was not alone; for when she did pause, I felt the ship halt in its cause, the sun dart back behind the clouds and the seas begin churn and rise, but as soon as she touched me, and told me that she was next to me, all became calm again; but besides the battle between Hope and Despair in my soul, there was also one happening in my heart between fire and ice; for whenever dark thoughts entered my mind, the fire would be extinguished, and would be quickly replaced by the ice, before your mother's voice removed those thoughts, and the fire would burn brightly once more. But besides this, I was terrified that in one frantic glance, this would all become another dream to me, and I would wake up alone again, with bitter tears streaming from my eyes; but I quickly put this depressing thought out of my head: your mother was happy - so was I, and why should I ruin such a joyful, peaceful happy time now, after all the time I spent locking myself away with nothing but isolation and despair, and all those endless, saddening, maddening thoughts for company?

"When I asked her if she was certain that your mother was sure that she was altogether a human being, she told me that she conscientiously believed that she was. I asked her how she came to be on my lone hearth after I expected to be given a glass of water by Mary, and that it was she who I expected to answer my question. Your mother only gave a small, sly reply, saying that she had come in Mary's stead with the tray. There was enchantment that night in the hours I spent in your mother's presence that night after all our time spent apart, where I was doing and expecting nothing, merging night in day, feeling cold when I let the fire go out and hungry when I forgot to eat; and as always I had a constant craving for your mother; for it was her presence that I longed for, far more than that of my lost sight. I told your mother all this, and added that when I awoke, I was worried that she would flee as she had in my dreams of her, disappearing from me again for ever, and her whereabouts becoming once more unbeknownst to me. Your mother ignored this, saying that she should apply something to make my eyebrows grow as broad and black as they had ever been, after she had surveyed me and told me that they were scorched from the fire; but no matter what she told me, I was still glum, for hardly anything she said roused me out of my dark thoughts. I asked her what good she would do me, when for all I knew she would escape from me again, and fly freely like all the other free birds do. She continued to ignore me, I saw; still trying to cheer me. She then asked me if I had a pocket comb anywhere about me, and when I asked her what she would want with such an object, she told me that it was to comb out the shaggy black mane, and went on to tease me, saying that she found me quite alarming when she saw me up close; and as much as I called her a fairy, she was sure that I was more like a brownie. Tease me as she would, the despair surrounding me was still rather difficult to break.

"To try and ignore these thoughts, I asked if she thought that I was hideous, which she told me that I was and always had been. I almost laughed at this," I said, as I gave a slight chuckle, and saw my children laughing at their dear mama's teasing comment, "for with your mother around, I found despair a thing which could be rid off quite easily. I then told her that the wickedness had not been taken out of her, wherever she had sojourned. She then told me that she had been with good people, far better people than myself; a hundred times better, who possessed ideas and views that I had never imagined before in my life, which is true, for you have both met your aunts Diana and Mary (even though your mother, Diana and Mary are cousins, for some reason we see them as comfortable together as if they were sisters, so why should they not be treated as such?), and when I asked your mother who she had been with, she told me that I would not get the tale out of her that night, and that I must wait for her to tell me it in the morning, where she would not bring me a glass of water, but an egg, to say the least of fried ham. I remember smiling at that comment as I do now, and telling her that she was a mocking changeling, who was fairy-born and human-bred. When she said that I was redd up and made decent, she told me that she would leave me for the night, for she had been travelling for three days and said that she was tired. Three days she had been travelling, and yet it seemed to me like it had been an eternity since we had last seen each other. I asked her before she left me if there were only ladies in the house where she had been, and to my utter vexation, she only laughed and left me.

"I gave a bitter laugh at this, before I went to bed myself. I had a dreadful night's rest that night, tossing and turning fitfully, as I had dreams of your mother being in the arms of another man. Once again, I felt the rocks starting to crumble around me, as the sun disappeared behind the clouds which had grown black and stormy once more, as the white ship of Hope started turning away from me, and the black sea of Despair started to rise, ready to drag me down yet again.

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**So, that's it for this chapter. We are really close to the end now. Next chapter will be about Edward learning what happened to Jane when she was away from him. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, so please R&amp;R. Until the next time I write, then.**


	16. Chapter 16

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hey, guys. K.J.A here again. We are so close to the end now. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapter 37 of _Jane Eyre_. Enjoy this chapter.**

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Chapter 16 – What Jane Had Been Up to, and the Start of a New Life

"What happened the next day, Papa?" Janet asked me.

"Well, when I woke the next morning, just as your mother thought when she woke the morning after I had first proposed to her, I thought that the previous night had been a dream, and that when I accosted John and Mary about if your mother was here, that they would surely think that I was mad and that I had imagined the whole thing; but I was mistaken. This was not the case, for when I asked Mary if your mother was here, she surprised me by saying that your mother was here. At this, the ice in my heart started to melt slightly, and the sea settled and the ship sailed closer to me once more. This remark knocked me off my guard and I was taken aback for a few moments, before I then asked Mary what room she put your mother in; then whether it was dry and was she up; and when Mary said that she would check, I then asked her to check on your mother, asked her to ask your mother whether she wanted anything and when she would come down. After Mary said that she would do what I asked, I went down to the breakfast room and waited for your mother to come down, lost in my own thoughts as I did.

"After a while as I sat there, waiting in my chair, I heard a sweet, gentle voice say that it was a warm and sunny morning, that the rain from the night before had passed and that I would have a walk not long after. I brightened up immediately, for the voice that spoke was your mother's. I asked her then to come to me, and when I touched her arm, I moved my head against her stomach, just under her chest, and told her that I noticed a brightness that meant the sun had risen and that I had heard some birds singing over an hour ago, but I found no beauty in them. Not anymore. All the sun on Earth lay for me within your mother, for she warms my heart, just as the sun warms the Earth; and all the music from the bird's songs lies in your mother's voice, for there is no melody more beautiful to me than your mother's very voice. She was silent for a few moments after I had said as much to her, before she let me go and set about making breakfast.

When breakfast was finished, we then took a walk outside; and after so many months passed for me spending all my time indoors, the fresh air was pleasant to me, and it was made even more so by the person next to me, who held tightly to my arm and guided me about the place, describing it to me. There was no need for my lost sight when I'm with your mother, you know, for she painted the picture clearly to me; so clear, in fact, that I could see it all clearly in my mind: every tree, the colours of the leaves, the blades of grass and what shade of green, how clear and blue the sky was, all of it painted as clear as a picture in my mind. Indeed, your mother described it to me with such clarity and such beauty in her voice, that for once I was glad of my blindness. Your mother's strength as she guided me around truly astonished me, even more so now than it did back then, with the softness of her gentle voice comforting me, providing me with strength and melting more of the ice around my heart. Anyway, after we had walked a bit more, your mother found a secluded spot for us, which was a dry stump that was hidden in the wood. It was quite beautiful from what she told me, filled with peace and serenity. After I had settled myself, I attempted to place her on my knee, and to my surprise and immense delight, she submitted. We were so happy to be near than apart from each other, and I could have sat like that for ever in that moment: just the two of us together, your mother sat on my knee, her head snuggled close to my heart, and Pilot, who we had brought with us, was lying quietly beside us. That moment could have lasted for ever as far as I was concerned, but of course, I knew that there were questions that had to be answered. I knew that they were going to be painful for the pair of us, but I did have the right to ask them."

I saw my children looking anxious again, and after a few minutes had passed in tense silence, Eddie asked, "So then what happened, Papa?"

"Well, my boy, my curiosity would not lie still for much longer, so then I spoke out, saying how cruel it was for your mother to leave me like she did, and the worry I felt when I had studied her apartment thoroughly and had seen for myself that she had taken nothing which could serve as money, not even the pearl necklace I had given her. I then asked your mother to tell me where she went and what she did. She told me how she suffered from her three days of wondering; of sleeping on the ground, wandering and no food or drink to sustain her. She suffered more than she revealed to me that day. After we were married, I asked her to tell me all that she suffered, and after she had done so, I wished that I hadn't asked, but that's another story. Anyway, I then told your mother that she should have confided in me, for I would never have forced her to be my mistress -"

"You wouldn't have, Papa?" Janet asked, she and Eddie both looking shocked at what I had just revealed to them.

"Of course not. I told your mother - as I am telling you two now - that violent as I had seemed in my despair, that I love your mother far too dearly and tenderly to constitute myself as her tyrant; and I would have given away half my fortune to your mother without demanding a kiss in return from her, which would have been far better for your mother, instead of your mother throwing herself friendless out into the world.

"Anyway, after she had told me what she had suffered, she then told me that she hadn't suffered much, and went on to tell me about St John, Diana and Mary Rivers, and how she had later discovered how they were related, and everything in-between and afterwards. She spoke of them with such love as she does now, but this "St John's" name came up more times than I liked it to have come up. And so, of course, I had to ask her about him.

"I confess to you now, my dears, that I had hoped that this St John would be a respectable, well-conducted man of about fifty; that he was of low stature, phlegmatic and plain, whose goodness consisted of guiltlessness and vice, than in his prowess and virtue; that his brain was rather soft; that he was not an able man and not a thoroughly educated man; that he was ugly and short, and that his manners were priggish and parsonic; but to my utter dismay, I got the complete opposite description: St John, it turns out, was twenty-nine when I asked your mother about him, who was untiringly active, who liked to perform great and exalted deeds; that his brain was first-rate, and even though he didn't talk much, what he did say was ever to the point; that he was an able and accomplished and profound scholar; his manners calm, polished and gentleman-like, and to top it all, he was tall, handsome and had a Grecian profile. Your mother told me all this with a teasing, playful tone, although at that moment, I didn't know why. When she told me all this, I felt the ice seeping back into my heart, and the black sea of Despair was rising up again, as the sky turned black and stormy as lightning flashed threateningly. The sun disappeared and the white ship of Hope was sailing away from me once more."

"Were you jealous, Papa?" Janet said teasingly.

I gave a half-chuckle at this, and said, "Yes, Janet, I admit that I was. I thought at that moment that I had lost your mother for ever, and that it was wrong for me to hold your mother in my arms, seeing as she was no longer mine and was in love with another man. I asked your mother whether she would not like to sit on my knee for much longer, and when she asked me why that was, I told her that she preferred a vision of Apollo rather than that of a Vulcan: who was a blacksmith, brown, broad-shouldered and blind and lame into the bargain. Your mother chose to ignore most of this speech, as she does, and told me that I was rather Vulcan-like. I thought then that I really had lost her, but for good this time; and as the ship faded away from me again, as the sky turned that hellish-red colour, and the lightning flashed more vigorously, as the sea was becoming more wild and was rising up, ready to engulf me once more as the rock on which I was standing began to quake once more, I told your mother that she could leave me, but before she did, I asked her to answer some questions, holding your mother as close to me as I dared to, remembering everything about her childish slender form. She then asked me what questions she had for me, and thus began the cross-examination:

"She told me that St John made her schoolmistress of Morton before she discovered that she and the Rivers' were cousins; that St John would visit her once or twice of an evening; that he approved of your mother's plans (for we all know what a talented, gifted woman your mother is), and then your mother surprised me; for when I asked her if he discovered any unusual accomplishments that he did not expect to find, your mother told me that she didn't know about that. I felt angry at such news that St John did not value your mother like I did, and that he did not give your mother praise enough, praise that she so deserves.

"Anyway, your mother went on to tell me that she lived with her cousins for five months after the cousinship was discovered; that he spent time with the ladies in the back study, which was his as much as it was theirs, and that he studied a great deal of Hindustani. I thought that this was strange, but pushed it out of my mind for the time being, and asked your mother what she learnt. She told me that she studied German at first, but then Rivers wanted her - and only her - to study Hindustani with him, after I had learnt that Rivers did not study German for he did not understand the language. Anyway, when I asked your mother if she asked to learn Hindustani, she told me that she did not; rather that he wished to teach your mother. I then asked your mother of what use this could be to her, and she told me that Rivers wanted to take your mother with him to India."

"What!" my children yelled indignantly.

"He wished to marry Mama?" Eddie said, he and Janet both shocked at this news.

I nodded my head sullenly as I said, "Yes, my dears, it is true. He did wish to marry your mother. I thought that she was lying (just as you two both do now, I see), and thought that this was a fictional invention made in order to vex me; but when your mother told me that he did want her to marry him, and was just as straight with his point as I was. I could hardly see the white ship now, as I told your mother that she could leave me, and when I asked her why she remained, she told me that she was comfortable there; and when I told her that she wasn't and that her heart was not with me, but was instead with her cousin, she unexpectedly asked me to shake her off, for she would not leave my side of her own accord, was her comforting reply. Her tone of voice was so comforting and so sweet and truthful, that it took me back to the early days of our time together; I told her this, and told her that she should go her own way in life with the husband that she had chosen: in other words, that of her cousin, St John.

"I was just about to fall into the sea of Despair, when your mother saved me once more, by telling me that St John was not her husband, never had been and never would be. She went on to say that he was good and great, but was severe and to her was as cold as an iceberg. She also told me that she did not love him, and nor he her; for he loved - and that is not as I love, as I was told - a beautiful young woman called Rosamond Oliver. Your mother then told me that she was not happy at his side, nor near him or with him, and then asked me if she should really leave me, and go marry a man who she did not love. I was surprised, my dears, when your mother told me this, especially about St John; for what your mother described to me of him and his cold heart, was an exact definition of what I had been before I met your mother; and that if your mother couldn't save him as she had me, than what hope did the poor fellow have. And speaking of hope: the storm in my soul calmed once more, and the sun shone more brightly than ever through the clouds, as the rocks stopped crumbling and the sea stopped churning. The ship came towards me once again, riding towards me at a much faster pace than it ever had done before, and the ice that surrounded my heart melted even more.

"As I was saying, my dears: after your mother told me of St John, she shuddered and held me closer to her than ever before. I smiled with delight at the fact that your mother really was all mine. I asked her if this was true, and she told me that of course it was, and that all she wanted to do was to tease me a little in order to make me a little less sad. She then told me the greatest news of all: that all her heart was mine, and that it would stay with me, even if Fate were to split us apart for all eternity. When I heard this, the joy in my heart made the ice melt faster and the ship sail harder as I kissed her, but then I remembered about my seared vision and crippled strength, which I mentioned out loud. Your mother then caressed me in order to comfort me, as a single tear flowed down my cheek. I then said that I was no better than the lightning-struck tree at Thornfield orchard, and asked your mother what good would that ruin do to bid a budding woodbine cover its decay with freshness; and your dear mother comforted me once again by saying that I was not a lightning-struck tree as much as I was a ruin, that I was green and vigorous and that plants would grow again, because they took delight in its bountiful shadow, and added that they would grow and lean towards and wrap around me, because my strength offers them so safe a prop. There is no one on Earth who can provide the same comfort to me as your mother can. I smiled at that."

"So, then what happened, Father?" Eddie asked me.

"It was then, after a few more questions - which all involved marriage of some sort - that I then asked your mother to marry me once more, and when she said yes to each of my questions individually (but the main one in particular) my heart sored with delight. I told her that God should bless and reward your mother, and she told me that out of all the good that she has done, that to be my wife was for her to be as happy as she could ever be on Earth, and when I asked her whether it was because she delighted in sacrifice, she then asked me what did she sacrifice: famine for food, expectation for content. She then said that to put her arms around what she mauled, and to press her lips to what she loved, and to repose in what she trusted, she asked if that was what it took to make a sacrifice, and that if this was so, that she would certainly delight in sacrifice. I then asked her whether she could bear to look over my infirmities and overlook my deficiencies (which was a question whose answer worried me greatly), and your mother said that they meant nothing to her, and that she loved me more than she did before, now that she could truly be of help to me, than she did before my accident in my state of former proud independence, and when I disdained every part of giver and protector. Oh, how those words comforted me greatly, although it took me a while before I believed what she told me was true.

"I then told her that I hated to be led, helped, put my hand into a hireling's and wanted to be alone, but your mother helped me quickly to not hate such things anymore, which I told her. I then told your mother that she suited me, and I asked if I suited her, to which she replied that I did suit her and to the finest fibre of her nature. At this, I felt my old impetuosity rising, as I told her that we would marry as soon as we got the license, which was three days from that day. I remember that I was eager that day as I was the first time around, but this time it wasn't because I wanted to be married quickly in order to keep the mad woman a secret. Oh no. This time it was from the pure excitement of your mother and I becoming one flesh, but for good this time.

"Your mother and I were both consumed in our own thoughts after this; for as I was going on about my marriage plans, she was wondering about the time, and that Pilot had gone home for his dinner, as it was then after four o'clock. I ignored your mother though, and went on to say that she must have thought of me as some irreligious dog, and that my heart swelled with gratitude to God for bringing your mother back to me. I saw that I had done wrong, but back when I first lost your mother almost cursed the dispensation and defied the decree. I told your mother that I had had to pass through the valley of the shadow of Death, and how divine disasters came upon me thick and fast, and that after these things had happened, I then told your mother that I started to pray to God before I told your mother that I had called out her name and that she had replied to mine, and I told her that I was sure that we must have met in spirit. I then went on to say that the night that your mother returned to me, I thought that I had been dreaming, but then I realised that God had been merciful to me, and it was because of him that your mother had come back to me, and I thanked him for it. I then put your mother off my knee, stood up, and bent my head towards the earth, sending up a silent prayer to God, before I said out loud that I thanked my Maker, that, in the midst of judgement, that he remembered mercy, and that I entreated Him to give me strength to lead henceforth a purer life than I had done hitherto, before I turned my attention back to your mother as I ended my prayer aloud, and gave her my hand, which she took and kissed it, before winding it round her shoulder and guiding us both home, and as she did so, she once again gave me new life.

"As we wended our way homeward, the ice in my heart had fully melted and was replaced by a burning hot flame of fire, which only burned more brightly as the years passed; and the storm in my soul had calmed completely, as the sun shone brighter than ever before, as the white ship of Hope sailed across the now silent black sea of Despair and came to where I was stranded; and on that ship was the soul of your mother, who reached out her hand, which I gladly took, and as she did so, I felt my soul become whole again, whereas the night before it had only felt well, but now, I was truly whole. We sailed on that ship, the sea of Despair has never disturbed me again since, and I felt your mother once more ruffling her angel wings, so that when the time came, she would carry us both up to our heavenly paradise."

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**I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. OK, so the next chapter will be all about the wedding and of course the ending. Who knows, maybe Jane will come up in the present. I'll play it by ear and see what happens. Please R&amp;R. Thank you.**


	17. Chapter 17

**How I Met Jane Eyre**

**Hello, everyone. K.J.A. here again. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this all the way to the ending, if you have done so. Thank you all for your comments, and here we go. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 17 – A Happy Ending, And a Perfect Beginning

After minutes of watching my children's expressions travel from excitement to anxious and back again, it was a relief for me to see that happy excitement had once more crossed their faces. I grinned with them as Janet spoke up once more.

"So, Papa, you and Mama then married this time? Properly, I might add?"

I smiled and chuckled slightly as I said, "Yes, Janet, your mother and I did marry properly this time, which is why we are here now, of course. The wedding was a quiet one, with me, your mother, the clergyman and another, I think, although now I can't be sure. All I do remember is that I was standing next to your mother, and that was all I really remember of that day: your dear mother, guiding me and loving me, as I loved her.

"The next two years of our marriage, I remained blind. Your mother and I both believe that it was this factor that brought us even closer. Your mother never tired of caring for me, and I did not mind it, for it was pleasant for me to feel your mother's arms around me always, tending for my every need, rather than some hireling or other. But then, towards the end of our second year of marriage, I felt that the sight in my right eye was clearing, and when I told your mother of this, we went up to London to see an oculist, who told us that if I kept doing the exercises and kept taking the eye medicine that he gave me, that my sight would return, and return it did.

I cannot remember the exact day or month when I regained my sight back, for I woke up next to your mother; and I must tell you, my dears, that I was never more happier than when I woke up that morning and saw your mother's beautiful angelic face lying on my chest; and when she woke up and I was able to look into her eyes again, my happiness only increased, for the sky was no longer black to me. When I told your mother of this, we cried into each other's arms, and as we did so, I sent up another prayer to God, thanking Him for tempering judgement with mercy.

"The sight in my eye wasn't that clear, oh no, for I could not read or write as much as I used to, but I could now find my way without being led about by the hand, which I was grateful for. And your mother and I were blest with another gift towards the end of our first two years together, my dears, because we were blest with our first child: you, Eddie," I said, turning my head to my son, and smiling at him as he smiled at me. "And then," I continued, "two years later, we were blest with another child: you, Janet," I said, smiling at my daughter, who beamed at me.

"But what of Adele, and Aunt Diana and Aunt Mary? And Uncle St John?" Janet asked.

"Well, you know that Janet got married, as I have told you, but not long after we were married, I allowed your mother to see her. When she found her and brought her home, she told me how thin and pale she looked, and how strict the rules of the establishment were for the poor child. She wanted to be Adele's governess again, which I wouldn't have minded, except for the fact that I (unfortunately) required all your mother's attention and care at the time. So Adele was sent to a school more closer to home, whose rules were far less restricting than the other schools were, and you both know what happened after that, so I'm not going to waste my time in repeating myself.

"Your Uncle St John did go to India on his missionary work and he died over there. I can't remember now how long it was after our marriage it was that his death came upon us, but it happened. Your Aunts Mary and Diana as you both well know got married to respectable gentleman in society, and are both loved by their husbands. And that is why alternatively once a year, they come to see us and we go to see them. It truly was a happy ending, and a perfect beginning for us all, especially for your mother and I, who, after all our trials and tribulations that we had undergone in our lives, had finally reached true happiness at last."

"Papa?" Eddie asked me. I nodded my head for him to continue when he hesitated, and he said, "If you don't mind me asking, how was the first night between you and Mama as man and wife?"

"_Eddie!"_ Janet shrieked in shock, as I laughed at the boy for the nerve to even ask me such a thing.

"I'm afraid, my boy," I said, trying to control my laughter, "that what happened there will for ever remain between your mother and myself." Eddie looked quite disappointed at this, as Janet looked immensely relieved, but Eddie soon got over it, and we sat for a while in silence, although this time it was not awkward silence.

After we had sat like that for a while, Janet said hesitantly, "Papa?" I looked at her for a few moments as she took a few shaky breaths to try and steady herself, I asked her to spit it out, and she said slowly, "Well … don't you feel a-a little grateful to your father for sending you out to Jamaica and meeting Bertha after everything that's happened to you?" I was shocked by this, as was Eddie, and before we could ask her what she meant by asking such a thing, Janet said, "Would you both just here me out, please?" Eddie and I nodded after a few minutes had passed, with us thinking about what she had said, before Janet continued, "well, think about it, Papa: if your father hadn't sent you off to Jamaica, you would never have met Bertha, which meant that you would never have brought her to Thornfield; you would never have met Celine, which meant that you would never have cared for Adele, which also means that you would never have met Mama. Don't you see, Papa?" Janet said, looking at me imploringly.

I thought about what she had said for a few moments, before I realised (rather shockingly, for this was another epiphany), that what Janet said was true; and before I could tell her this, a voice from the doorway said, "Well, it's about time your father figured that one out. Thank you for pushing him in the right direction, Janet dear."

The three of us jumped at this voice and looked towards the door; and standing there, looking as lovely as she always did, was their dear mother, my Jane, my love, my wife.

As soon as I had calmed myself into a rational way of thinking, I decided to tease her, by saying, "How long have you been there, witch?"

"Long enough," she replied in the same teasing tone, with laughter dancing in her eyes, as she walked over to me and kissed me, lovingly and gently, which set my heart aflame, as it always did whenever Jane kissed me.

She then looked over at our children as she sat down next to me, holding my good hand in one of hers. Our children smiled at us, and as we sat there, in our golden ring of serenity, I realised that this was the true meaning of family; for where your family is, that is where your heart resides, also.

Anyway, after we began to relax in each other's company, after the unexpected revelation of my wife standing at the door, Janet then asked, "Mama, when did you begin to fall for Papa?"

I looked at my wife, for I wondered at this, too. She smiled slightly and said, "Well, my little one, I suppose I loved him since the first moment I met him, just like your father loved me since the first time we met," she smiled at me and I smiled at her as she said this, before Jane continued: "But I suppose, I first started to realise that I loved him was the morning that followed the night of the fire."

"Really? It was that morning?" I asked my Jane incredulously. She only nodded at me, and I said as I chuckled slightly, "Well, if I had known that, I would never have thrown that accursed party in the first place." We all laughed at that then, for so many years had passed since then, that it just felt right to laugh.

After the laughter had settled, Janet then asked, "And is it true that you accepted no gifts from Papa?"

Jane smiled sweetly at our daughter as she said, "Yes dear, that is true. The only thing that I wanted - that I've ever wanted, in fact - is your father's love. Nothing else will serve as an equivalent gift for me, I'm afraid," she finished in a teasing tone, with light pouring from her eyes. I kissed her hand in acknowledgement for what she had just said.

It was only then that we noticed that Eddie was lost in some thoughts of his own. "What is it, Eddie?" Jane asked him softly.

"Well, Papa never told us how Mason and Briggs knew that he was already being married to Bertha. So, how did they know?" Eddie, Janet and myself all wondered about this, until I noticed that Jane was avoiding everyone's eye, mine in particular.

"Jane?" I asked her softly, and she jumped and looked at me with sad, apologetic eyes. Eddie and Janet looked at her, too, in surprise to see their mother look like that; but she had eyes for none but me.

"Edward ..." she said slowly and softly, as the tears started to brew in her eyes. "Please forgive me for what I did. It was a long time ago, and I didn't know -"

"Jane," I said, worried now about what she was going to say, "take a deep breath and be composed before you tell us anything." She did so, and when she had composed herself, she told us all that when she had gone to visit her Aunt Reed on her deathbed, that her aunt had kept news about her Uncle, John Eyre of Madeira, from her, and that she had written to him, not long after I had proposed to Jane the first time, and told her uncle that we were to be married. It turns out that Mason was an old friend of Mr Eyre's before he died, and that was how he knew of the news and how the wedding was stopped.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I hope that in time you can forgive me," my darling wife finished into the stunned silence, as she turned her head slowly away, and as I looked at her, I saw a tear fall slowly from her eye. After a few minutes had passed, I turned her face towards mine, and I gently brushed that tear away, before I said, "Jane, I am of course shocked that this happened, but that was years ago. Look where we are now: we have a home and two loving children who we have taken care of very well, with all the love and care that we could ever bestow on them. So what I am trying to say is, don't be afraid that I will lash out at you, be angry at you or will not love you anymore, for none of those things will happen. I love you, Jane, and I always will." The look on her face was one of pure, unadulterated joy, as she leaned in and kissed me once more. I felt rather than saw our children breathe sighs if relief, as we then got up and headed to the dining room for dinner.

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Later that evening

As we got into bed that night, Jane looked at me and asked, "Edward? Do you think you would go back and change anything of our life together, before we got married, I mean?"

I looked at her for a few moments, before I said, "No, my darling, I would not." And when she looked at me questioningly, I said, "I would not change anything, Jane, because if I had gone after you the morning that you left, I am pretty sure that we would not be as happy as we are now." She smiled at me as I said this, as we began to kiss, which slowly lengthened and deepened, as we continued to live blissfully and peacefully for the rest of our lives, in our own Happily Ever After.

And that is the story of How I Met Jane Eyre.

The End

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**So, that's it for the story. I'm sorry if some of you are disappointed with the ending, but that's the way I'm writing it, so if you aren't satisfied with it, tough. This is the last chapter of this story, but I should mention that there will be an explanations and acknowledgements chapter, so look forward to that, and in the meantime, please R&amp;R. See you soon.**


	18. Chapter 18

**EXPLANATIONS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS**

**OK, first of all I owe you all an explanation as to why I wrote this, before I move on to the actual acknowledgements. I wrote this because after watching a show called **_**How I Met Your Mother**_**, I felt like there were similarities between Ted Mosby (one of the main characters in the show) and Edward Rochester. For those of you who do not know, **_**How I Met Your Mother**_** is a show about this guy, Ted, who is telling his children about the story of how he met their mother, and all the crazy stories that he and his friends got up to back in the day. So basically, if you have seen the show, you'll know some of the plot and can hopefully see some of the similarities between the two characters in each story. If you have not seen the show, then please check it out, for you will end up laughing and crying, and feeling other emotions, all in one episode. I should also mention that at the end of chapter 1 of my story, and the beginning of every chapter for that matter, you should just start singing the theme tune to _How I Met Your Mother_.**

**Anyway, I should mention that this idea was going round my head for a long while, and when I saw on this site that no one else had done it, I thought to myself, "Well, if no one's going to do this, then it's about time that someone should". And that is exactly what a certain _someone_ did. After all, it's one of those ideas where you just think to yourself, "Why on Earth has no one done this before?", which was also what was going through my head, before and even as I wrote this, which I am very glad I have. I hope that I have explained a lot to you, and now on to the acknowledgements.**

**First, I would like to thank Bonbonnett for all your helpful advice and pointing out flaws in the plot. Your advice has been most helpful to me. I would also like to thank StayerOfJonas for all of your great reviews, which really helped me to push on with this story, just like Bonbonnett has done. I would also like to thank any future readers for staying with this story right through to the very end, and I would just like to add that if I have missed anything out, I am very sorry, but I feel like I have done the best that I could to keep very close to the original story, and I hoped to have done it some justice. **

**Well, now's the time for you all to tell me what you really think, by giving me a good, honest review on the whole of this story: what you liked, what you didn't like, what you wished I would have added, you know the drill. So, go ahead and write, and give me your honest thoughts. This has been my first fanfic, and I will be writing another, which will be a crossover between Harry Potter and the Lion King (if you have already noticed the one that I have already uploaded, please ignore it, because I will be replacing it with a better version soon), so keep your eyes open for that, if you are into that stuff. Oh, and I am not trying to force anyone about the "full review" thing, so only do that if you want to do it.**

**This has been a lot of fun to write, and I hope that you have all enjoyed this. So, until the next time you see of my writing, this is Kimberly Joan Amethyst signing off. Thanks for reading.**


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